I am very new to this but I need help now! I found out on Sunday,two days ago that my husband had gone to a rock concert and hooked up with someone and well you know the rest. This was over two months ago that this happened,but i knew it then when he left. I saw it in his eyes. I begged and pleaded for him not to go. I knew he was going to cheat on me. Anyhow, our marriage was bad before this but now i'm like hmmmm what now? He sincerely apologized asked for forgiveness told me he would never do this again. He wants to do anything to restore our marriage. We have 4 kids and he doesn't want me to divorce him. My problem is that there's soooo many unanswered questions I have.I don't know if I can try to make it work if this was not a one time thing for him. He's lied on pretty much most things and i'm like, is he liying to me now?? Pease help??

What kind of unanswered questions do you have. Sometimes you can get them answered by other people like all the Why, why, why questions. Usually there is no real logic to what the Wayward Spouse (WS) did. recovery is possible if your husband is sincere. Lying seems to be part of the affair process. Sometimes it takes the WS a couple of months to come clean and come to their senses. Feeling a mistrust from now on will also be a common typical feeling. Usually it is best to give it a couple of months before deciding on anything. (same comcept as count to ten first before you punh someone in the face. - after that you are not punching them out of anger but out of justice).

Hey rodger,you asked me about my unanswered questions about the whole thing. Because of his behavior all year long I question things. He has a job where he is away sometimes for a week at a time. I have no access to any of the money(i'm a stay at home mom). I can't see his daytimer, his briefcase, his filing cabinet, anything that has to do with his stuff. I've gotten many conflicting stories of where he's been and then finding out oh, he really wasn't there. I need to know if it was a one time fling with her. or was it more? there's a difference. Is this the first time this has happened or not? did he decide to stay with me because she dumped him and i was left here? I'm the good ole stand by person. I don't want to work things out if I was just the well at least i have my wife thing. Anyhow, those are some of the things that i have questions about.

paytonrose -<BR>You really have a different situation - sounds like a tough one. But if your H is saying he wants the marriage. Sounds like you two are not spending any time together - you will learn - the four principles - not having access to daytimer, briefcase, etc., wow. I know the feeling. I knew my H got atleast 2 cards from our OW, and I really wanted to see them - he said he threw them away - for awhile he was extremely protective of his office, and would never leave me alone in it - that's over - but back to you.<P>Somehow, you need to find out where his office is, do you know how to contact him when he is away from you or is it cell phone? Sometimes there are ways to get copies of the bills sent to you. There are cross directories too, like for water service. You really need more details to his life. Sounds like he lives two lives. Let us know. aftershock

AFtershock,he does lead two lives. Ever since he moved us back to our home town. Don't ask me why I didn't start snooping earlier. I always ask stuff about whatever and this and that. You know what his response was? None of your d... business!!I work and you don't. I have control. so, you know what i did? I without his permission, applied for college. got in and maintained a straight A average. I just got my grades back today!! Thats a plus for me. I even applied for next year and I have 3 grants that i got. I had to do something to loosen his vice grip on me. I still love him very much, but there's alot of stuff that needs to be dealt with on both our parts.

Payton -<BR>I should have gone reading before I replied to your post to me. I would have found out alot, before I started giving you some advice you already had started, or knew about. Good for you! Me too, I have to get back to school too. My emotional breakdown because of the A, has been a curse on me. You sound like you are pulling yourself through better than I. I commend you for that. Keep going. Great to talk to you - thanks for letting me give you advice. You can give me some too.<BR>aftershock