A few weeks ago, I found out that my wife of 9 years had an affair. The month leading up to the affair has been rough on us. We even spoke of divorce and ordered a Do-It-Yourself Divorce kit. When she told me of the divorce, the day before, we talked about getting back together. She didn't have to tell me about her affair, but she felt that I needed to know in order for us to continue. <P>When she told me about the affair, I felt like I was hit by a car. Hell, I almost fainted! She too cried and told me she wanted to kill herself. Which she did try to do, and I stopped her. I love her still... Every now and then I have images of her infidelity. But at night when I am in her arms, I don't have them. What should I do? Do I need to seek help? She says that she loves me and hates herself of what she has done. Some of my friends are mad at me because I've taken her back in my life. My love for her is so deep, that I do not care what she had done. I do feel that she does regret what she had done. It took her great courage to tell me what she had done. And I applaud her for her honesty and bravery. I think it it better for me to know this now, then say 5 months or even 5 years down the road.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Kromel:<BR>[B] i know how you feel ,i found out my wife had an affair just saturday. for the last three days i feel like it is my fault ,but we were havin problems before , just could beleive she did this ,,good luck

I can relate to your feelings. I have no advice for you, but can tell you that I feel the same for my H. Even though he had an A, I love him, I can't seem to stop loving him even though sometimes I think I should. Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy or just enjoy pain!!! This site will help you, do some reading here, and get some books. Good luck! <P>PS I am in the IT field too! Probably doesn't help our M's, the hours we work<p>[This message has been edited by jasmine1 (edited June 21, 2001).]

I feel for you...I also just found out my H had an affair with a woman from work last year. I have clear proof but he still denies it. I love him still and we have 2 young children but I'm not sure where to go from here. They still work together and I can't even bear to call him there now. I'm thinking divorce is the only answer left...luck and good wishes your way. Keep hoping for the best <P>[This message has been edited by LostinAnger (edited June 21, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by LostinAnger (edited June 21, 2001).]

Kromel,<BR>Believe me it is better to know (if though it hurts) than to imagine what you will of the situation. My w has been unfaithful 3 times. The first two we took the approach of full honesty and the third time we just acknowleged it happened and tried to go on. As far as my side is concerned it was a lot easier in the long run to here the truth and be hurt immediately than to hurt for a long time with my imagination. The best advice I can give is to fulfill her needs as best you can...not worrying about yours at this time. It takes a lot of time to change your relationship into the one you want. But work real hard on filling her needs first.....sometimes this may be real hard for you in light of what she did. You will not always be in the mood to do so but do it anyway.. If you don't know what her needs are go thru the questionaires provided here. Also at your local christian bookstore there is a book called The five languages of love. Get it and find out what hers and your love language is. Get the workbooks and both of you go thru them. Work hard on "speaking" to her in her love language. For now don't worry about you. It will take her a while to get over what she did and want to fulfill your needs. One in the marriage has to be strong and usually it has to be the betrayed....and that is you.<BR>