My husband of 14 years had an affair 13 years ago. He's a cop and she's a court clerk. A private investigator came to my home five days ago asking questions about the women as she is in the middle of a custordy suit and the PI works for her estranged husband. The PI had tapes and proof af the affair with this woman. My husband admitted it, I spoke with the woman, I don't Icouldn't stand it, I had to know if the affair was 13 years ago, she admitted it Two months ago I found a cell phone bill with calls at least every other day for the month of February to another womens place of work, home, voice mail. She's an officer at a college in the town he's a city cop in. Iknew a year ago he and she were talking, I was afraid and he had agreed not to speak with her and was angry with me for not letting him have freinds because of my insecurity. The invoice was sent to my husband at a PO box in the city he works in, I just happen to find it when it fell out of his portfolio. Not only didn't I know he had a cell phone, I had no clue he had a seperate mailing address. He denies an affair with this second women. He smashed the cell phone in an angry rage when I found out about it. He says he stopped communicating with her after February so I called Sprint asking for copies of March and April bills to see if he was telling me the truth. This was in early May. The invoices never came, Sprint says they sent them to my home address and I am afraid my husband has intercepted them, he's done that to me often with mail. Yesterday I re-requested the cell phone bills from Sprint which should be here within seven days, he doesn't know it this time. Should I believe there isn't a second affair? I don't know what to believe, or where I go from here. Should I talk to this second woman? What have I done to make him do this? He divorced his first wife when he caught her in bed and beat up the guy he caught her wiht. He swore he would never put me through that, he swore he had always been faithful.<BR>------------------<BR><p>[This message has been edited by copsandclerks (edited June 21, 2001).]

Your instinct is right. He is denying yet blatantly contacting this other women. I know because I am a WS now in recovery. H confronted me and I denied. You need to tell your H you value honesty and it's about time he stops keeping secrets from you, no matter how terrible they are.<P>I feel sad that this has happened to you. I hate to question this but if there was an A 13 years ago and in the past year, how many others were there? I am also so sorry you had to find out in such a terrible way.<P>You can't make the WS confess but in your case it sounds like it's coming to a head and he better do some explaining. You will be in my prayers. I know that newly betrayed spouses often resent hearing from a WS due to their anger but hope you can accept from someone who has learned some hard lessons and is fortunate enough to get her life back and her H.<P>Keep posting. I know others will be along shortly to help you, too.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

I feel like I'm falling apart, I don't see how my husband could not be having an affair with #2 and your right how many more might there be. What if I can handle this, it means everything to my to have my kids be raised by both parents. My son has a terminal heart condition, I wanted to give him the best possible family, two parents, for however long my son lives My husband ripped out everything I believed in and our marraige to be, I don't remember being in so much pain inside, not even when my dad died did I feel this hurt, pain,

I agree, if he is hiding something then he has something to hide. Secret mail boxes and cell phones are not normal behavior.<P>At this point, until he can prove otherwise you have no real choice but to believe the worst. No only was he talking to someone on the phone and getting mail at the mail box, but he was probably seening them too. Sorry to be such a downer but that is the position I would take.<P>Should you talk to the other women. I would. But that's me. Some will tell you no, others will say yes. But wait until you get the Sprint records. Once you confront the otherwomen all hell will break loose. <P>I suggest that you read the book 'Surviving and Affair" by Dr. Harley and all the material on this website. It will provide you with a road map for getting your marriage back on track. Believe me it works. <P>Good Luck<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

HUGS to you, but can i ask a question. Why did you pick a screen name that includes your hurt, why not find a more HELPFUL name??<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love

mainmade, I guess i chose the name out of anger to, what would a helpful name be?

Something not including cops or clerks i think lol<P>------------------<BR>In even the darkest of places there is a capacity to love

Hi, copsandclerks...how are things going? How scary that your little guy has a heart condition. <P>I would like to shake your H awake for you! But we can't do that. I can pray and just reassure you again you are deeply cared for by people here who don't even really "know" you.<P>Any updates?