Hi.<BR>I have read through all of the infidelity articles, but it was right after I found out my husband cheated on me so I am rusty. I guess I'll go back and read again. I am just really having a hard time right now because my husband is away in the field and having him gone is giving me a lot of anxiety as his infidelity happened while he was gone before. I don't know if I am even making sense. Let me start at the beginning.<BR>In December my husband returned from his year long duty in South Korea. I was ecstatic. He was...well...different. After the first couple of days he rarely initiated sex, was extremely defensive and would get irritated if I was anywhere near him while he was on the computer checking his email. I started to get suspicious, but I kept those feelings at bay because I knew my suspicion would only make him mad. I just chalked up his strangeness to him having a hard time getting used to being a family again. We have a 2 year old...now almost 3 and our baby was 7 months when he returned. So he was just getting to know the kids all over again...I figured it was just plain rough. <BR>But things were still a little off weeks later. I kept trying to get him to talk to me, he kept telling me nothing was wrong...or he would just say he felt like he was not good enough for me. When I tried to get him to explain he would either blow up at me or with draw. Then slowly things started to get a bit better.<BR>Then it happened. My husband was in the field and I was home with the kids cleaning the house...April 20. My 2 year old was "helping." She had grabbed his briefcas and dumped it. I was cleaning it up when she brought me 5 photos that had been in there. 2 were of him hugging a brunette, 1 of him hugging another brunette, 1 of him standing near a blonde, and 1 of the blonde hugging one of his friends. I tried to stay calm...but the fact he had hid the photos confirmed everything. I knew I needed more proof though, because he would have just lied about the photos. I eventually wound up checking the old files on the computer that had been in Korea. I found 3 weeks worth of emails from him and his girlfriend. I was in such shock. It was made even worse because she was a soldier, on her 2nd marriage (the first had ended because of an affair with her 2nd husband) and she had a 4 year old son. I went insane. I printed out all of the emails twice. I copied them on disks...twice. I stashed copies of the emails and both the disks in a safe place. I kept one print out to confront him with.<BR>I can not explain the pain of reading those emails. Reading their pet names for eachother...reading her words making fun of me the "wifey." His betrayal is worse because not only did he sleep with her, he confided in her and told lies to her about me to help him justify the affair. In the emails they had plans to get divorced and marry each other. She actually wrote..."I have managed to single handedly ruin 2 marriages now it's your turn to ruin your first." I cannot explain the hate I feel for this woman...she is not even worthy of that title.<BR>Anyway...I reached my husband through an emergency phone number. I told him he had to come home, it was a family emergency. He asked what the emergency was, I told him no one was physically hurt, he just needed to come home. With disgust in his voice he asked "Is this emergency about us?" I said yes. He angrily asked "How can you bother me with this now? What is it now?" He yelled a bit until I was past my shock and I coldly said, <BR>"You mean you have no idea, sugarbear?" <BR> "WHAT! What are you talking about?"<BR>"I suppose I will just have to contact Tinkerbell, Tinkersteph...STEPHANIE."<BR>His voice totally changed. He asked if we could just deal with this later. There was no way he could come home. I told him I could not possibly wait 3 days without talking about this. He said he couldn't come home...He would call me tomorrow though. I told him not to bother. If he really loved me and wanted to fix this he would find a way to come home now. He said he couldn't...that I was wrong that he loved me. He said he would call tomorrow...I just shouted "You are a liar. You don't love me. You couldn't possibly love me and do this to me and our daughters." And I hung up. There was no one I could talk to. I didn't sleep...I tried to get through the next day. He didn't call. I took that to mean he really didn't care...that he was still planning to marry this army slut...I didn't want to stick aroung to watch that happen. I downed my entire perscription of Vicadin...my 2 year old banged on the door of the bathroom and I realised what an idiot I was being. I had my dad take me to the emergency room because I couldn't throw up the pills. The hospital contacted the base and they sent my husband home...I thought he would be mad...like I only took the pills to get him home, but I hadn't I really did want to die when I took the pills...but he was crying and scared and just angry at himself.<BR>He told me everything...that he had cheated on me. DUH. But that it had been over for a while. That he knew as soon as he came back to us that he could never have left us. Especially for someone who was a serial adulterer. I told him that didn't make me feel much better. <BR>Anyway. I have blabbered on enough. I've been going to mandatory counseling because of the attempt on my own life. It has helped a little. I have read 2 books and these pages...What isn't helping is all of the stuff that says that I have to take responsibility for my part in the affair. That makes me mad. How could I have pushed him away when I wasn't even there. I sent him letters everyday. I sent him a care package a week...emailed him. Sent him anything he asked for...provocative photos of myself...sexy letters...everything. We spoke on the phone often...had phone sex even though I hated it but never told him because I knew he wanted to do that. I feel like I did everything possible to keep him true to me...and it wasn't enough. So what the hell was my fault? Being absent? I had no control over that! And now that he is in the field for 2 more weeks I am going nuts. I am afraid to clean! Isn't that stupid! I am afraid of finding more...I am afraid he isn't where he says he is. I am afraid he is still in contact with his ho...even though he sent an email letter like these pages suggest breaking it off decisively...explaining everything...I just...I am in hell. I am depressed. So depressed. Unfortunately my version of the infidelity diet is to eat...I have gained weight which makes me feel so ugly...so I have started throwing up after big meals. Not all of the time. Just if I eat too much. But the weight is not coming off. I hate my life. I feel like I was living a lie...that I don't have a life now, that I never did because I was stupid and living in my own world not knowing my husband was creating a new life with someone else.<BR>I know...I know. He is with me now and says he doesn't want anyone else. BLAH BLAH BLAH. How am I supposed to believe anything he says. And to make matters worse this other woman is going to be arriving to the same post we are at now...this was part of their plan after all. Luckily my husband will still be in the field when she arrives...but what if she tries to contact him...or starts stalking us or worse. I just feel like I am going crazy and I don't know what to do. Sometimes things seem better...but then something triggers a thought and I just spiral down until I wish I was dead dead DEAD. I hate this. How is this ever going to get better. When I don't wish I was dead I wish I could kill this other woman for helping to ruin my life. I am not a violent person. Before this all happened I was fairly happy go lucky...I loved my marriage, my family, my life...Now everything just bites. <BR>Sorry I just needed to vent. I can't wait until my husband is out of the army...I think that will help. He'll be out in 2 more months. I can't wait. HELP!!!

Two years ago a woman kept calling my house almost everyday telling me she was my husbands girlfreind, he was her's and not mine. One day she called and called and called. I telephoned my husband at work and begged him to tell me the truth, who was this woman, he denied any affair, said I was making up the fact someone was calling to get his attention and I was nothing but an insecure neurotic and if I didn't stop making this up he was going to divorce me and he hung up on me calling me a bitc-. I had taken my 3 year old son to his aunts for the night and kept my 6 year old daughter with me, she hates spending the night away from me<BR>I called my family doctor who knows my history, there has been much abuse so my doctor perscribed the tranquilizer Ativan. He advised me I needed to relax at all costs, even if it was a chemically induced relaxation. I remember taking the second Ativan pill and then nothing until I woke up in our local hospital. I had taken the whole perscription, my daughter found me unconcious on our laundry room floor at 2 in the morning and ran and got the neighbor. My husband was furious with me, he said he only waited for me to wake up to tell me off, he'd been called home from work only to find his wife overdosed and disgustingly incoherant. He refused to give me a ride home and told me he was taking my kids to his brothers and staying there until; he felt like coming home. I was mortified, I had to wear a hospital gown and take a cab home, my clothes were no where to be found. I don't think I wanted to die, I just wanted to numb out, I felt like I was going crazy, I couldn't figure out why my husband was being so angry and cruel,why wouldn't he believe me about the calls. I felt worthless. last week a private investigator came to my home stating she was investigating a woman my husband had had an affair with 12 years ago and had information that the affair may have re-started within the last 3 years. The investigator works for this womans ex who wants full custody of their 4 year old daughter. When I asked what proof of the affair the investigator had she showed me pages of phone records where calls were made to my home from the womans phone and she had tapes of this woman bragging to her ex she had had an affair with my husband. The ironic twist to all this is on the day I took my full Ativan perscription, this woman had been the one calling me, it was all on the phone records. Your husband must love you a great deal for responding with such concern and compassion for you when you overdosed. I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing your story about your overdose. I don't feel so alone, I haven't been the only one to overdose over an unfaithful spouse

After reading your posts (both of you), I am very sympathetic. I really want to help you in any way I can. I know how you both feel. I know what is like in your situation. One thing you did wrong was taking that medicine either by mistake or on purpose. It is not worth it to take you life for men like your husbands. Plus once it comes to divorce, what you did may cost you custody of your children. Please make sure that you never do it again. <P>Women, please wake up and be selfish. It is not your fault that your men cheat. They are jerks. Once you find out about their cheating, first thing you need to think about is the well being of you and your kids. You need to take care of yourself. Love yourself first, then others can love you.

I know that trying to take my life was not the way to go. And I know now that even though I felt like I wanted to die...I didn't really want to deep down. I am not full of confidence in myself right now...full of self doubt and self loathing. But one of the things I know down to the tips of my toes is that I am my daughters mother. I am the only mother they have...need...want. And that is what keeps me going. That is what I am hanging onto because it is the only constant. My husband and I are trying to work all of this out. He says he only wants me. It is just so hard to believe. How do you rebuild trust? It is so hard. I feel disposable...Why was it so easy for him to find someone else? He treated her a thousand times better than he ever treated me. I hate feeling so...so...jealous and vengeful and lonely and unlovable. How do I kick all of these negative feelings? I hate trying to mend this...our marriage and myself. I just hate it.

I hear your dispair and your hurt. I posted only a week ago of my horrible discovery. My husband is also military (AF) and we moved to a new base 2 1/2 years ago and to a new job for him, one that made go TDY ALOT. Well his second time out he had an affair and then again 8 months later, I know it has been over 2 years but I just found out 2 months ago and the pain is so real as if it just happened yesterday, I suspected something, call it intuition or whatever, but I snooped and found emails from her (as they were now talking again after 2 years). The OW is not military and is not close to us, so I probably will never see her, but oh I still want to confront her face to face and give her a piece of my mind. To make things more complicated my H is going on a remote to Korea too, it about 4months and that is tearing me apart. This affair is all I think about, when I awake and when I go to sleep, I want to let you know that there are people out there that are concerned with your safety and your well being, please take care of yourself emotionally and physically, you have your 2 wonderful babies to think of too. I wish I could offer you better or even more advice, but I too am 2 months past my D-Day and am struggling over this. I just want to let you know that there are others out there that have gone through what you are...<BR>take care<P>PS- FYI, from someone who has been through therapy in the past and lived over 10 years with bulimia (believe me it NEVER goes away)- please do not start something you can never get rid of, take your kids out for a walk everynight, you will be glad you did that instead.

I am very moved by all of you struggling in this horrible situation. There is a statement at the home page of this web site about cruelty of infidelity. I agree with it. I am still being eaten up by my pains one year after the discovery. One thing I know for sure is that a person has to be selfish. Don't destroy yourself for anyone who has betrayed you. Sometimes you cannot help. But you need to try your best. <P>I understand and can relate to your feelings of "hate".

Hang in there, first of all never think about talking your own life, think about the children. I am now retired from the Army. My first wife cheated on me while I was stationed in Kansas, that marriage ended after 13 years of marriage, I also thought about suicide, even had my gun out next to me, did not do it and am thanking god that he did not give me the strength to accomplish that. Got married again to another lady and have been married to her now for 7 years, she also had an affair in November 1999, I found out about this by myself, she did not deny it after I confronted her, well this other man whom she had an affair with, works just across the street from her job, and they see each other almost daily, she has even taken him lunch a few times, I got really upset, she says that I have no reason to be mad, DUH what happened in November 1999? She says that they are just friends, yea right, well anyway the point to this whole story is that you have to be strong, take care of yourself and the children, and oh yea by the way, this OW, is military? Did you know that there is an article in the Uniformed Code of military justice (UCMJ) that covers adultry?, and while we are on the subject, what is your husbands rank? What is her rank? there is also an article about Fraternization. Just thought that you would like to know that. Just hope that everything goes well for you and your children. Continue your counselling (it helps believe me). My prayers are with you and your family.

ShatteredBrokenHeart,<P>I am sorry you are going through this. I thought I might answer a few of your original questions. You asked about looking at your part in the marriage and why you should feel at fault for what happened.<P>Actually, the idea is to look and see if there are things in your approach to this marriage and your H that might have helped set the stage for the affair. Somethings you might change so that your H is more comfortable around you.<P>However, the approach does not "demand" that you find such items or that they be there. Most often there are things we all could do better, but your situation is not normal for civilian life, but the separation is normal in the military.<P>I would guess that your H's choice to have the affairs had to do with loneliness and his issues rather than yours. You could ask him, you could even do the EN questionaire to see if there is something that you could be doing better. However, no matter if there is or there is not, the choice to have an affair was and is solely his. He gets full responsibility for that.<P>I won't talk about your attempted suicide, I believe you have seen the light, but you did ask about trust. Well, trust is built up over time. It will be based on your H's actions. For example, he is gone now. When he comes back and nothing happened a deposit is made. When the OW shows up on base and he sends her a no contact letter and indeed doesn't contact her or only does so as his job requires, then more trust will develop.<P>Are you asking that your naivity to be restored? It cannot happen. Sadly, your H has proved he is capable of having an affair. Can your marriage become a better, deeper, more meaningful marriage. It sure can. What is it going to take? TIME and PATIENCE on both of your parts.<P>It will take communications between you and H. Communications about how both of you feel, he can support you ShatteredBrokenHeart but he cannot heal you. He cannot make you happy, all of that must come from within. He can make your marriage something that you both enjoy and he should be addressing himself to that as should you.<P>ShatteredBrokenHeart, as you know marriage is a team sport. You and your H will have to rebuild this marriage as a team. But realize one thing no amount of worry will prevent your H from making good or bad decisions. Only your love and effort will sway him and only his will nuture you.<P>So give it TIME AND PATIENCE, T&P and do your best to let him live his life and don't worry. If he chooses to mess up he will chose it. Your worry won't stop him, so enjoy your children. Enjoy your time with your H. I think you two can rebuild this marriage.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Thank you for your replies. It helps to know that there are people that have experienced the humiliation of an affair and gone through all of the depression and what all. I am not vomiting up my suppers as often...thanks for your words of wisdom CHa...and takenforgranted...my husband is an E5...he was an E4 at the start of the affair and she was an E5. There are days when I give serious thought to doing everything I can to ruin her military career...unfortunately it would also ruin my husbands...and he's going to ETS soon so why rock the boat on that one? I'd really like to keep talking to you all it really helps. Is there a Military support group around here?<P><BR>

ShatteredBrokenHeart,<P>I can understand your anger about the thought that the BS is responsible for their WS's affair. <P>If you read the MB material very carefully you will see that it does not say that. What is says is that the BS and the WS are both responsible for the state of their marriage at the time the affair occurred. But the WS bares all responsibility for choosing to have the affair.<P>In your case your husband was away for a year. Long separations like this are very hard on people. In my case my husband and I lived in different states during our entire engagement and the first few two months of our marriage. He did not hold up well on his own either. As you stated, your husband’s affair is not your fault. <P>As for the OW. She sounds like a disgusting piece of work. I do believe that adultery is taken very seriously by the military. It was when I was in the service and in the last few years we have seen many people loose their career over it. One way to keep her away from you to threaten to turn over all of the emails and photos to the JAG and her commander. This could back fire on your husband but if she continues will not leave you alone, you may have no choice. In the military, the out of sight, out of mind concept is pretty common. Your husband will have to learn to grow a thick skin and a stronger moral base to protect from this.<P>You asked how does one rebuild trust? It is up to your husband to earn your trust back. There are things he can do. Such as give you the password to his email account, install monitoring software on his computer. Account for all time, all money, etc. Many of these are brought up in the MB literature.<P>You can explore these and other MB concepts on this website. <P>Has your husband done things to make you feel more secure? If so what are they?<P>By the way, are you taking any medication for depression? Please check into it. You need all the help you can get. Attack this from all angels. And most of all take care of yourself and your children first.<P>Z <P><BR>

SBH, I too am an ARMY wife. My H was on his renote to S.America and had an affair the last 5 weeks there wiht an OFFICER. Talk about wanting you end someone freaking career. I know your pain and the stress of having a H that has to go in the field. Mine is yet again on a 4 month leave to go to a school, so we have had to fix a lot of our stuff while separated. I have found out that we Can and do meat the needs as best we can. Due to the A and a few other factors we are getting out too. I could not begin to handle another 12 month remote. It sucks, and iwill not let the Army life DESTROY my marriage. Everyday it gets easier. The monsters seem less scary. Itis amazing how something can consume your life even when you have so little time to think ( at least i do) Army is a HARD life for most too. I did email the OP and got such a well versed ARMY reply that i was in tears. She too had the nerve to write things like I did it to HELP you And H. I detest the divorce rate in the military, ANd my fav. It is not uncommon for my MARRIED MALE friends to not have contact with me because typically their wives feel threatened. ( i would have been fine if she had not SLEPT with my husband). I am just rambling now, I just really wanted you to know that I understand and am here if you need a friend who really knows how it feels.<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

Hey, I, too, am an Army wife. My H is now retired, an Officer, and we are still together in spite of his affair 8 years ago. This affair also resulted in a child that is not "ours" but "hers". I hurt for you, but you can find strengths within yourself you never knew you had if you look. <BR> As to the cause of your pain, I believe that the spouse who cheated is responsible for his own actions. He/she had choices during this affair. No one ever held a gun to their heads when they got into bed and did what should have been only with their partners in marriage. If there were problems with in the marriage, then he should have brought them up and addressed them before he got in the sack with someone else. Now that you know there are problems, you can do what needs to be done to fix your marriage, if that is what you want.<BR> As far as the witch threatening your marriage, see if you can find a lawyer who knows military law and see if a letter can be sent to her promising legal action <BR>( contacting JAG, prosecuting thru UCMJ for adultery etc, which could cost her career and his, if they do not stop)<BR>This should get her attention, let her know you mean business. Getting a job on the outside with a "less than homorable" discharge will br dificult. That's if she only gets that, she could get jail time. <BR> Of course this only happends if a big stink is made and it is brought to the Commanding General's attention.<BR>I hope this helps, be sure and talk to a Lawyer NOW.<BR>Most lawyers will let you talk to them about your case free for 30 minutes or more so you can decide if you want to hire them. My brothers told me to find the MEANEST,WOMAN LAWYER I could find.<BR> Also since you will be going to counseling since your drug incident, bring up to your counselor marriage counseling to save your marriage if that is what you want. It took us a year to get back on track, but we did it. The command knew there were problems but did not know about his affair. We also had a child during this time. our son is 4 mos older than her daughter. I hope you do not have that to contend with. We believe she got pg after he told her I was pg and he was ending it with her. He had sex with her 3 more times after that, she got pg the 3rd time. One saving grace for us was she lived in another state and was a civilian.<BR> Well enough 'bout me. Hope I helped <BR>Texasgirl

Dear SBH,<P>Oh my Dear....I am over two years in recovery and reading your post broke me down again. Your pain is so evident and I remember so very clearly the lonliness and just no words to describe the pain of this situation. My H was also in the army and alas she was an army slut. They worked together. He was her superior. They were both E4s but he was a corporal and she was a slut. lol. Sorry I couldnt help it.<BR>Heres my basic story. Ill try not to have too many typos but it is late. TexasGirl posted about you over in preg/child calling for the military wives to give support. Thank you TG.<BR>My H was in Arizona where he was supposed to only be for 3 months. He was supposed to be TDY and there for school. I was in Texas with my mother and my daughter. She was only 3 months old when he left. He ended up being there for over a year. The A lasted about 10 months. She was in "love". He lied to me about the emotional part of the A. He had also told her he loved her. I do not know if marriage was talked about and do not want to know.<BR>I felt the same way you do about there is no way this is my fault. THe only thing I did was not be there physically. I sent teh care packages and letters and cards and had the sext photos done professionally..everything! All the while he was banging the trash army wh@re. He finally told me because he had no choice. I already knew of her. He had told me months before that he was a horrible H bc there was someone he had talked to and he had had the thought and he knew she had too. That was bad enough and he left me with the option of divorce. I had no clue what he was talking about. The thought was not the deed. He swore to God he had nto done anything and told me he would never "degrade" me like that. Little did I know...he already had. The whole time he was there he did not write me, not once. I found out later the two of them kept a notebook writing back and forth. THat was in August when I found out she existed. I nearly lost it then. he came to visit for 9 days in November and I thought everything was fine. The slut called my house under the pretense of a soldier who needed to find out when he would be back to work. Boy was I gullible. Allthought that was when I first thought it was more than meets the eye, it was the way he talked to her. He was angry she had called. I didnt understand why he would be angry if it was so innocent.<BR>In April he told me he had to tell me something. I was supposed to drive up there for Easter, me and our daughter. I knew what was coming and I told him I already knew. He then said hed been unfaithful. I told him I knew that. He said it got worse. I couldnt imagine how. He told me she was pregnant. I thought my life was ending.<BR>He left there in June and we arrived in Ga in July. Things were a living hell. I didnt know the man I was living with. She was pissed off he was with me and was starting trouble left and right. She didnt have our phone number and she hated that. She called the co. Then after the baby was born she was given our #. She started abusing the priveledge after about 2 weeks. She called at least every other day. At this time I was still so alone, thought I was the only person on the planet that would stay with a man who had gotten a army slut pg. I was always so nice to her. I thought getting along with her was the only chance I had to save my marriage. She eventually got so obsessive she tried to befriend me to tell me things on hopes it would hurt me and H. It backfired on her. H thought she deliberately was telling me things just to hurt me and he would not have that. I was in a fragile state. This was the first real sign I saw out of him that he as still on my side. He changed our # to a private one. She then called the co and threatened to go to his commander with it..he told her to go for it and got off the phone and told them all everything. He told his C.O. and his First Seargent. They told him if it came to it we would screw her career and they would just give him an Art 15. She field cs suit and we got a lawyer and filed back for joint custody. She got scared and dropped her case. We have heard from her only a few times since.<BR>Gosh I can not believe I am typing so much! I cant stand typing! Your story really hit home. My H is now thankfully out of the army. We are in a wonderful marriage now. Better than before even. I love and respect him agian and even like him most of the time. It can get better. <BR>When is ow supposed to be there? What way does she have to contact him? Have the 2 of you gotten any counseling?<BR>I know how you feel and I must say I would not have made it through this if it werent for God. The time after he told me when I went to Az (I went anyways) I got so very upset and mad that I went outside in boxer shorts and a t shirt with no shoes in the SNOW to smoke a cig. I stood out there shaking bc I was so mad. I didnt even feel the cold and I stood there and prayed out loud smoking my cig. i am sure I looked like and absolute lunatic!<P>Love and Many Prayers<BR>broken_wings<p>[This message has been edited by broken_wings (edited July 09, 2001).]

Well, it is quite evident that the military is very hard on marriages. My W and I are both military and she had a one night stand while I was gone and now she is pregnant. I know it sucks right now. My D day was 2 1/2 months ago and I am still on this rollercoaster ride. But I am better each day. Hang in there and keep working at it, it does get better. My W and I are getting out very soon, the military is just not marriage friendly, in my opinion. Keep posting and read "Surviving an Affair". I just started and it is great. Also, counseling it is very important. <P>My W and I have learned alot and will continue to learn. Believe it or not, some positive things can come out of this if you and your H keep working at it. Take care and pray alot.

I am in hell right now. I know by now that the army slut is here and I can't go anywhere without looking to see if she is around. How do I stop this? I am sick to my stomach when I leave the house for fear that I will run into her. I thought all of this was getting better and then I start this obsession. I am so glad I can vent here. I think everyone else would think I was bonkers.

Hey Shattered, I was wondering where you disappeared to. I posted on OW with OC Board to others whose spouses had A while in Military. Hopefully, that is not something you will have to deal with, but the Affair is something we have dealt with.<BR> I am so sorry you are going through this, but you DO have the upperhand. In our society, a woman/man who betrays the wedding vows, or gets involved with a married person, is usually not accepted. In the military, that is even more so.<BR>If they have not changed things, military service members who commit adultery can prosecuted in military courts, especially if they are both military. That is your ACE in the hole. Is she willing to jeopordise (sp?) her career (and his) for this relationship? <BR> Don't let her get to you, you are the wife, and if he has recommited to your marriage, she had better back off. Your husband MUST tell her it is over and make it stand.<BR> You should also talk to a JAG lawyer. If you go and talk to one about this situation, they have to maintain confidentiality, so what you tell the lawyer cannot be used against your husband. Ask them about that once you arrange to see one. But check into legalities concerning this situation. A JAG lawyer might be able to talk to her and make her see it is time to move on.<BR> Good luck and keep coming back to vent. you will meet some of the nicest people here on these Boards. We have all walked in your shoes in some fashion and will listen empathetically.<BR>Texasgirl

I am reeling right now. I was reading through posts to try to calm myself of the usual anxiety and I saw a post in Emotional Needs from Trying2begood, someone who is another woman. It sounded like it was my H OW and I know it could or could not be...more emphasis on the not be...I mean that would be a big coincidence...but I am shaking and upset and I feel almost like I felt when I first found out. What if my husband is still communicating with the OW and lying to me about it. What if he is really in love with her and lying about it? I have all of these what ifs now because of this one post and I am pratically writhing in pain because I had kind of shoved these questions to the back of my mind because I sooooo badly want to believe my husband. I am in turmoil all over again...I hate this. I can not stand to think that my husband is still doing this. Help! Please!