My W and I have been reading MB for almost 2 months now and have been working on recovery during that time. My affair was with a friend that I have known for almost 14 years. During this time there was never anything close between us other than friendship. In June of this past year she began to talk to me about problems that she and her husband were having. I tried to advise her and help anyway that I could if nothing more than to be a good listener. However, during early August the relationship turned physical. The moment lasted no more than couple of minutes and was never any more than that.<P>That couple of minutes turned out to be the worst mistake that I have ever made in my life. I confessed the incident to my W in September and we began the very painful road to recovery. I do not yet know why I allowed this relationship to go where it did. I have since broken all contact possible with the OW and have even began to develop feelings of hate for her. My W was and is everything in the world to me and I feel so bad that I have done such a horrible thing to her and to our relationship. If there is anyone out there that does not believe that betrayers do suffer the pain of an affair, think again. I have lost my wife's trust in me, and I lost a value that I held for 22 years. I was proud of the fact that I had always remained true to her. I kick myself everyday for the mess that I have created with this affair. It has torn my heart apart to see the pain that I have caused her.<P>I know we can rebuild our marriage to be better than it ever was. I am still making mistakes during the rebuilding process, but we can overcome these. This is the hardest thing that I have ever faced in my life and I read this site everyday just to get a little encouragment from all of you that post here. I will post in the future on our progress and hope that I can help someone else someday.<P>I replied to a post that asked how old the couples were that posted here. My question is, of those that have either had an affair or whose S has had an affair, how long had you been married before it happened?<P>Many thanks to all of you......<p>[This message has been edited by firestorm (edited December 11, 1999).]

Thanks for shareing what yoiu are going through, it helps me get a better perspective of betrayers.<P>I commend you on working on your recovery. Keep at it I'm sure God will replace the lost trust with a greater trust.<P>To answer your question. 5 1/2 years Wife is in an affair now.<P>I can't tell you how bad it sucks for me. I am now in the process of trying to win her back by being her friend. It's hard and I have to swallow alot of feelings when I'm around her. I want my marriage so this is what I have to do. Plan-Aing. I haven't placed a timetable on how long till I goto Plan-B. We'll see what happens.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Thank you too...<P>Please do post... and reply!<P>We care... we'd like to here progress...<P>This forum is the support everyone of us needs... share and receive... <P>Jim

Hi<BR>We were married seven years (feel the itch?) when my husband had a four month affair with a co-worker. We are WELL into recovery-10 GLORIOUS months... <BR>You came to the right spot, hang in the right place, Keep and posting.<BR>BTW, I am now 31 and my H is 34, the affair began over a year ago (Oct. '99).<BR>Keep up the good work, and best of luck to you and your wonderful, fortunate wife!<P>------------------<BR>You will be stronger because of this.<P>

firestorm -- Regarding your question: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My question is, of those that have either had an affair or whose S has had an affair, how long had you been married before it happened?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>There was a thread asking this exact question several months ago.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/006118.html" TARGET=_blank>Roll call: who are we?</A>This link will take you to that thread.<P>God Bless<BR>

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad that you & your W are working hard at rebuilding your marriage. <P>It takes a long time to rebuild trust again. My H & I are in 9 months of recovery and I still don't trust him.<P>Anyway, to answer your question...My H & I have been together for 7-1/2 years...and married for 6-1/2. His affair was less than 2 months long (but seemed an eternity).

To Empty Shell...<P>Thanks for the link. I went there and read all of the post. It's amazing. Everything seems so predictable. Co-workers and Friends. All time frames seem to be around seven, fourteen, and twenty one years. Where have I read all of this before?