Last week I found a father's day card in a box of old bills. It read "when you hold me close and look into my eyes I know how much you love me, Happy Father's Day my love". Imagine my surprise when I realized it wasn't from me. It was addressed to my H and no signature but I recognized the handwriting, his secretary.<BR>I confronted him and he said he has no idea where it came from or when or from whom. I showed him the date - June 2000 - just a year ago. <BR>He denies any knowledge and swears he has never cheated. He is always home with me and the kids. We have had some problems but nothing major. I honestly can't imagine where he would find the time for an affair but reading the card is proof positive for me.<BR>I don't know where to go from here. He insists I am wrong and he swears he has never been unfaithful. How do I handle this? I cry all the time and I can't even bear to call his office and hear her voice. Part of me wants to confront her and get the truth. I don't know what to do or where to turn. Advice would be appreciated. Thanks

I to thought my husband didn't have the time for an affair, he was either at work or home with the kids and I. Where there is a will there is a way. Two weeks ago I found out he had had an affair with a woman he worked with. This woman had been the sweetest when my children and I would go to their place of work, she was freindly, looked me dead in the eye, told me what a wonderful family we had and so on. My husband admitted the affair. When I couldn't take it anymore I called this woman at her work and confronted her. I had to know if the affair was over as my H swore and I wanted to hear her side of it. I was so angry with her, felt betrayed by her as well as him. If I hadn't confronted her, I think I would have gone nuts inside. I wanted her to know I now knew as well, I felt she had played me for a fool. I wish you luck, like I said, confronting the other woman may be your best source of truth and resolve.

Hi TD,<P>Maybe he has and maybe he hasn't. Many feel that what we know as an EA (emotional affair) is not an A. But it is and more dangerous with longer lasting effects than a PA. <P>Why was the card there? who kept it? You and your H need to get to counseling and fast. At the least for your sake. It will be interesting to see what your H will reveal to a counselor he is comfortable with. My H is a quiet man but really opened up to our counselor. He became the talkative one. NO kidding!<P>Read the basic concepts as outlined above and take the emotional needs questionnaire (both of you should). You can take advantage of the phone couseling sessions offered by the Harley's. Either you can do it as a couple or 1 on 1. <P>Let us know how you are doing. <P>L.<BR>

Sounds as if your H is in denial or maybe he just doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe if you explain to him the reason you need to know - in order to heal - he'll be more forthcoming. Have you considered counseling? If you really want to repair your marriage and move past this, then H needs to give a little and not shut down. Could he still be having an A with her? Maybe that's the reason he won't admit. Good luck to you

Thank you all for your replies. I'm still hanging on, trying to make him understand that I need to know what I'm up against (if this is an affair and it is still going on. if it was an affair but has ended). He is still denying any knowledge of the card and the sender. I do want to ask the woman that I suspect but not to confront her. I have different ideas on that. This woman owed me nothing. Yes, she should have had respect for me and my family, but H is the one that took the vows with me, the one that promised to be faithful. He is the one that broke my trust and our marriage vows. I'm still hoping for him to open up and be honest. I believe that until I know, the marriage can never heal.

Today we are leaving for vacation with the kids and my H woke this morning and put his wedding band back on. I was thinking it was because he won't be at work and she won't see it but he will have a tan line from it I'm sure. Could it be that it's over? I'm so confused and I don't know what to think! We have had a very good past 2 weeks since everything came to a head with me finding the card. Help!!