I started reading the information on this site about 2 months ago, and I tried to implement the concepts expressed here. Earlier this week a big blowout happened and I decided to post and see if anyone had any advice. My husband and I seperated back in August due to his being in love with OW from another state 900 miles away. He went as far as to move her here (She is married with 2 children). About 6 weeks ago we started talking about reconciling and putting our divorce on hold. I believed he was no longer seeing the OW as he was telling me. Well, this week I went over and surprised him at his apartment. Of course, the OW is living with him. I was very calm and just let him know, I knew he had been lying. He tried to worm his way out with more lies. When that didn't work, he now says he definitely wants a divorce and had even made many threats. One of his threats is to get custody of our 2 young children. He still won't admit he is seeing her or living with her. At this point, I'm not even sure I want to save the marriage, but I hate to throw 12 years down the tube. I know he is angry because he was caught, but why was he talking about reconciling in the first place? I have implemented plan B, however, I would love to hear any advice any of you may have to offer. Thanks.

Tulip...<P>I'm sorry things are working out this way for you...<P>These boldfaced lies are so hard to take...<P>If you <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A> is on empty, you're right to have moved to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>.<P>I <B>never</B> recommend divorce... except in cases of abuse... but...<BR>If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially), or for custody... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counselling free of charge. I helped "ceecee" with this... I'd help you too!<P>Keep posting...<BR>Keep asking...<BR>There is help here!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 12, 1999).]

Not sure it helps, but what I have learned from my wifes affair, is that someone in an affair does alot of things that are hard to understand. I have heard many lies from my wife and the scary thing is I didn't know they were lies until I caught her in them. The only way I can understand it is that it must be similar to the way I was to my wife when I would drink alot. The drink was always on my mind, and I would do anything to get it. Even lie to her about my "need" to drink. My lies hurt her, and her lies hurt me. Anyway, don't try to analyse the lies to much. You only come up with crazy conclusions (you should her some I came up with). Anyway good luck to you.

Thanks for the info about the attorneys. I have an attorney that I have heard a lot of good things about. She was listed on the site you suggested under family law etc. It is just such a miserable feeling fighting something I didn't want in the first place. I just want to make sure my kids are safe as the OW has left her kids with her H 900 miles away to live with my H. Now, thats a woman that deserves the "Mom of the Year Award", huh? Anyway, so far Plan B seems to be working. My caller ID stays full of my husband's calls. I haven't returned any of the calls so far. I think mainly because I'm afraid of what he will say. Hopefully, I can hold off calling him a little longer.