[QUOTE]Originally posted by destroyedinside:<BR>[B]right now i am going thru pain i could never have imagined. i had a miscarriage a few weeks ago and left to England to seek support from my family as i was devastated. Upon my return, i found out my husband had been having a four month affair and had invited this woman down from Seattle to be with him whilst i was in England. We hadn't even been married for one year. He spent every penny we have in the bank on her. Meantime, we are two months behind in the rent, cable cut off, telephone and I am up to my ears in debt. (all on my credit cards of course, he had none) He told her he was single without any children (we have an 8 month old son) he not only denied me, he called me for everything to her. I am a citizen here and he told her he is staying with me until he gets his green card. AFter i had a mountain of hard evidence of the affair, he confessed and he then called her in front of me to tell her the affair was over and wanted nothing else to do with her. She really is a sweet person who had no idea he was married. He told her once he had his green card from me, they would build a life together in Seattle with her daughter. Meantime, he doesn't even look or touch our own son. She too is devasted as he charmed her too with exactly the same words he used on me - verbatim.<BR>To add insult to injury (like it couldn't get any worse) he was on the gay chat lines downloading men's pictures. Not only am i devasted by what this man has done to me, i am in acute fear that i may have contracted a disease from this man. Obviously, AIDS being my worst fear.<P>When I first met him, he was sleeping on a sofa without a penny to his name. He was also a raging alcoholic. Today, he is in a job that pays him 100k a year. This is the thanks i get for supporting him emotionally and financially when he was down and out.<BR>I too cannot go on and am on anti-depressants, sedatives, etc. The pain in unbearable every waking moment and i do not see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have no money and nowhere to go with my son and have to stay under the same roof as the man who has completely destroyed my life. To add insult to injury, he is constantly trying to have sex with me every night. I have literally thrown up in front of him at the thought of this.<P>Can anyone advise me of any resource centers for woman in my plight. I know this man can become violent when he drinks.<P>My hair is falling out in clumps and I cannot eat without throwing up and cannot sleep without the aid of pills.<P>Where does one go from here????<P><BR>

I am so sorry for what you are going through. <P>Have you tried calling the woman's shelter in your area. They will probably be able to provide you with a place for you and your son to stay, some medical attention and help you get back on your feet.<P>Please tell them all of the details, such as the fact that your hair is falling out. I am sure they will help you.<P>Why do you think you may have have an STD. Is it because of your husband's sexual activities alone, or because you have symptoms? <P>Please keep coming here as there are people who are willing to be supportive of you. If you see this please post again so that we know you are out there.<P>(((((hug))))))<BR>zorweb<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

destroyedinside....<P>I copied your post to the General Questions II forum. That forum is much more active then this one is. By morning you should start getting some help.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010028.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010028.html</A> <P>Z

Dear DI,<P>Please accept my condolence on the loss of you baby. I too suffered a miscarriage last year while my H was having A's. Though at the time, it was unknown to me. Just to go through it is hard. With a small child and now dealing with your H's A, is a double whammy. <P>You need to let your GYN know of your situation. He might be able to help you cope and prepare you for what your body will be putting you through as regards the miscarriage. Then either find a counselor or speak to Jennifer or Steve Harley. They can help you. <P>Zorweb's suggestion of finding the nearest women's support group is good. Some local hospitals even have groups like that especially if you are a new mother. <P>Another place to call and check is the AA or Alnon organizations. Most have chapters in each city. BrambleRose on the d/d board has much helpful info. She is going through a lot right now, I will try to find some of her previous research info (links to site on alcoholism, etc.) and send them to you. <P>Both you and your H need help Either together or separate, you need to get this right away. Is your H acceptable to counseling? <P>Please take care and continue to post here. <P>L.<BR>

Dear DestroyedInside,<P>Just sending you a ((((((((((hug))))))))))) for now - you are in my thoughts, but I'm going to let others advise you on the legal side of things, as being English myself I'm not familiar with the laws etc., over here. If the house is yours, then maybe you can get a restraining order on him and force him out? I don't know - it's your decision ultimately, but this guy sounds like really bad news and if there is ANY chance he could get violent towards you then you need to get rid of him - abuse is the one thing that cannot be tolerated AT ALL in a relationship.<P>You have gone through so much pain - and are so strong to have survived all this, I really feel for you. It sounds as though you have a very supportive family back in England - which helps doesn't it?<P>hugs, Paint.

thank you all for you kind comments and advice. I just found out that he had been in four different hotels with men. (two nights with the woman he was having the affair with) it just cannot seem to get worse. he still insists on trying to have sex with me which just repulses me. he did admit to being bi-curious though. He had an ad posted on a sex site for bi-redezvous in santa monica area. The night i left, he was checked into a very expensive hotel with one of them. can you believe this?? my faith in humanity has gone completely out of the window. The only way i get thru the day is with the help of tranquilizers. not good, as i have a small baby to take care of. HOw could someone who "SUPPOSEDLY" loved you do this to you?? <P>p.s. i hope this response gets posted as i am not sure how to respond to you individually and thank you all.any further advice would be kindly appreciated.<P>PAINT: which area do you live in if i may ask?<p>[This message has been edited by destroyedinside (edited June 29, 2001).]

DI:<P>This could be a health issue for you. Please see your doctor as soon as possible for STDs. You will have to be checked again in 6 months.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

destroyedinside

Please let us know if you are ok....

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Eleonora ]</small>

Destroyedinside,<P>Big hug coming from me.<P>You are in my thoughts and prayers.....<P>SAA