My husband I know had affair, he is doing alot of nice things now for me and being very attentive etc. We just can't talk about affair because he denies all the evidence I feel I have. Been 6 mos and he still says no affair ever happened and it s in my imagination. Its not, hegave some women a gift at Xmas time that I didn't get. He denies knowing anything about that gift. Saw it in home office and then it was gone. I did not imagine it but he tries to tell me I really didn't see it , so dumb isn't it? He is really being nice but I need the truth but I know he will never give it, to ashamed Im sure. Only saw her occassionly since she is in another state, few times a year but it may have been going on for l5 yrs too since he has known her. We had problems mostly my fault so understand but not a excuse for him. We both want marriage and I know he does to and he loves me. He said once he'd only have affair for sex and I believe him actually since out use to be almost nonexsistent. Its great now and things are getting good but it bothers me he won't tell . I wonder if its over when he won't confess but think he just can't admit the failure to me. I have talked, written , seen MCounselor once with him and one with him just said I didn't have enough to prove anything. I saw one myself and it helped me but it eats at me that he lies to me yet he claims he is not a liar and would never have an affair. Total denial that I found out. Don't know what else to do. Any ideas? Thanks

Sadly some cheaters can't or won't ever admit. I have proof positive that my H was having an affair (EA for sure maybe PA). He will not admit. He refuses to discuss it and nothing I have said changes this. I am starting counseling alone. Maybe it will give me the understanding to either leave him or forgive. Who knows at this point. Last night, I told him that I don't need or want details, just confirmation of the affair and who it was (is?) with. I feel the need to know this because as the saying goes "know thy enemy". You can't fight for something when you don't know who your opponent is. I hope your spouse is more forthcoming than mine has been. I understand what you are feeling and I wish you the best. If saving your marriage is what you want, you need to decide if you can live without knowing the whole truth. If so, then find a place in your mind to put this and move on.

My H had what I thought was an EA almost 6 years ago, with my then best friend. He moved out for almost a year, pursuing her. We finally got back together, went to counseling, etc. I pushed for this topic in counseling but it didn't get resolved. He kept denying anything physical. Well, we're back in counseling again and I finally said I wouldn't go any further until this was resolved to my satisfaction.<P>Because he was forced to, he did admit (somewhat reluctantly) to a PA with my friend. It was worse than I had imagined and I feel like such a fool now. Even though it was that long ago, knowing the truth is liking going thru it again. He said he didn't tell me because they agreed not to tell anyone so she could work on HER marriage. She was on H #2 at the time and had only been married for 6 months. Had cheated on #1 with H #2 (who is still one of my H's best friends, doesn't know the truth still). <P>I am having an awful time dealing with this again. But I have no choice, I won't live a marriage built on lies. It makes me feel like I can't trust anything he's said or done since we were back together, like it wasn't really real. <P>He claims he loves me, doesn't want to hurt me, etc. But he knew how I felt in the past and also how important it was for me to know the truth. She and I have mutual friends who insist she did nothing wrong, now that I know the truth I want to tell them so badly. And her husband, he sure deserves to know. But I guess I'll keep quiet and let them live the secret life that my H and her set up.<P>In our case, H says he would have never told me if the counselor and I didn't force the issue. That really hurts. Like he was allowed to see the whole picture but I only deserved to wonder.<P>I know I'll get thru this but I am very resentful that I have to. Good luck, I'll pray that he'll do the right thing and tell you. Maggierose

The WS usually denies over & over, EVEN if you have hard evidence! In one book I read, some guy caught his wife in bed with another man. She said they were looking for her contact! Naked & under the covers! She stood by that statement even after he filed for divorce!<P>When the guilt gets to them, usually they confess.<P>Continue to do the Plan A stuff (forever now, this is a marriage ). Perhaps with you being nice, he may fess up one day.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>