42 yr.old H of 17 years had 2 month affair with co-worker 1 1/2 yrs ago. He confessed, wanted marriage to work, but still wanted to be friends with ow and her husband. We were just starting to become friends with them. OW H works with them also. OW is 33, on her 3rd marriage, likes women too, and has had numerous affairs with married women. She broke up current husbands previous marriage. H knows she is immature, selfish, and a born liar, but he accepts that. They still work together. I was so desperate! Confronted her and she had me feeling sorry for her. I sat with her while she told her husband about the affair. There were several attempts for us all to remain friends which obviously didn't work. Told H to stay away or we're done. He understands my feelings. There hasn't been any contact for several months. Things at home were really improving. Last week OW approached my H and told him that she now knows she loves him, even though she won't do anything about it. But she will tell her H she at least wants to be friends. Needless to say H head swelled, old feelings resurfaced, and now he doesn't know who he loves. I intercepted emails and a phone call to his sister which confirmed my suspicions. Fortunately for me he hasn't done anything about it. I caught an STD last time around. He thinks he might be able to change her (too bad she doesn't plan on leaving her husband). OW talked her H into reverse vasectomy, but loves my H. She has also propositioned me, which really turned my H on. I love him with all my heart. Can't picture my life w/o him, but I can't go through this again. I am so torn. Don't know whether to confront her, confront OW's H (h is extremely opposed to both), force the issue with H, or just ride it out. I know I & 3 kids deserve better. I'm tired of being a doormat, but petrified at the same time. I can force him to transfer, (ultimatum) but I want him to do that b/c he wants to. OW will never be out of our lives if they still work together. I know he sees that, but isn't ready to give up yet. I could really use some advice. Thanks <p>[This message has been edited by totallyfrustrated (edited June 30, 2001).]

Whoa! Frustrated...listen very carefully as this may hurt a little;<P>You are being totally manipulated here. If this OW destroyed your H's previous marriage and she is doing it again....plus she is (pardon such a strong expression) slutting around with almost anyone she can...AND you picked up an STD....I mean, please get a grip and get some help. Ask him to counseling, to see a pastor, go visit the Plan A/B site and see if there is anything there that can help you.<P>Whatever you do, if he is sleeping with the OW, don't you be in a hurry to sleep with him....heaven knows what he will bring to you next.<P>Really, this is one of the more 'interesting' posts I have read and I am really worried about you....you do not need to be in this situation and please, please, please, don't continue to be manipulated like this.<P>Oh, if you told him to stay away or else....he needs to know that you mean it, or it becomes an empty threat...<P>Stay in touch<BR>FB

I know i've been manipulated, but have done the same also. The games have to stop. H hasn't slept with OW since A ended. H admitted that he doesn't want PA with OW, but there is still a strong bond (EA?)which hurts just as much. I told H he has to decide what he wants - to work on our marriage or get out. He can't expect me to be the happy wife when I know he has more than friendly feelings for OW. He won't do counceling, but i've talked about MB concepts and it has helped somewhat - maybe opened his eyes some. Right now I'm just hanging in there and trying to take care of myself and my kids. Thank you so much for your concern.