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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 42
Member
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Member
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 42 |
It's been three weeks and counting since a private investigator wrecked my summer telling me my husband had an affair with a woman she was investigating for child abuse. The dark lonely hole swallowed me then and greats me once or twice a day still. I couldn't eat, I lost my patience with my three children, ended up with severe strep throat waking up one morning last week unable to breath or swallow I had let myself get so sick. I'm normally not an angry person but I became one and the anger drove me, kept me functioning day to day as I got sicker denying how hurt I was inside by it all, how betrayed and dissillussioned I was. The words that came out of my mouth at my husband were "you son-of-a-bit--" all the time. I'm still angry, but wiser, I feel sucked dry of everything inside like he took everything good inside me and whipped it out the door forever and then I look at my kids, my son is 5 and terminally ill with a heart condition, he has only half of his heart, and I think how hard he has fought to survive and live, all the surgeries, the tubes, the pain and I get some perspective on my situation. I blamed my self and my inability to be a good wife to my husband at first. But I realize it's not my fault, my husand and anyone who has an affair are very selfish self centered pains in the you know. My husband made his choices because he decided to, he could have done different but me and the children didn't matter, the affect of his infidelity is felt throughout the family, my kids, my mom and my brothers, my husband is to afraid to tell his family. Anyways, it's a day by day thing, my kids need me, I pray I can nurture and give them the values so that they will never have to go through this devastating experience or put another through it. I'm not real upbeat yet over the affair and putting my life back into order, your right there is alot of sadness written about in these forums but there is also much hope from those in recovery for longer periods of time. It's their hope and wisdom I have to grab onto at times, without the forum here I have no doubt my anger and hurt would have pushed me over the edge into combustion and self destructive behaviors of my youth. Hang in there, let us know how you and baby are doing. Please take care of your needs, your health and well being.
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8 |
Hello, <BR>Thanks for your kind words, I have been away, so I am sorry for the delay in replying.<BR>I cannot understand the choices others make, there seems to be a pivotal point where it is continue on and have the affair or say no, I am married, and that means more to me than this fling. I know we have all made choices we wish we could change, but those choices affected me, not my family, my child, my salvation.... <BR>I am sorry to hear of your sick child, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers..<BR>You are right, it is nice to hear from others in recovery that have made it past the point I am in, but I am in such a dark place, I do not see how they ever got out... I am on a time schedule, as my H will leave in a few months for a 'remote' tour for 1 year- without us.... the pain, hurt, are all here and will never go away- it seems, and then I get hit with that.... how in the world do I ever trust again.. if I cannot, why should he stay with us? He professes his love and regret for his actions.... says he was selfish and stupid and cannot believe he ever did that.. so with that I am suppose to forgive and forget... If I steal a car and feel regret, don't I still go to jail... what about his sentence?? what is his punishment? He did the crime, but I am doing to time... <BR>well thanks again for you post, your words helped. I wish you the best...<BR>CHa
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