At the end of last summer, I became a BS.<P>(My boyfriend had EA & possible PA with a female "friend", however I don't think PA went too far. As many of you know, I became engaged in January. My unmarried status may not make me a BS...maybe a betrayed partner. I have been here since Feb. 01).<P>On "that weekend" last year, BF, the OW and I were away holidaying with a group. I knew right away that something had happened. I was shocked. How could this happen to us? I felt disoriented, and overwhelmed. Each morning when I woke up, the issue hit my mind about 20 seconds later. I was so confused, primarily because I had felt so loved. I had thought that BF and I had strong communication. I had thought we were meeting each other's needs. Last fall was incredibly painful. Like everyone else here, I was searching for clues to define what had happened, hence my name. I had approached BF using MB principles, only to receive denials.<P>The denials, of course, put me in a rut, because the best source of the truth, BF, was not cooperating. <P>Well, I have just returned from the same yearly event. My fiance and I were with the same group, including OW.<BR>I felt so different. I felt stronger. I now have an intense familiarity with this problem. I now have MB as a source of support, along with two trusted friends, who were also on this trip with us. All in all, the trip went well.<P>Most of what I have found out has been through me overhearing conversations. I overheard a few more on the trip. There were no surprises, just mention of this one-time occurance last year.<P>When we returned home, I was surprised to discover a few things.<BR>1) I have accepted the fact that I was betrayed. It's part of my makeup now. I am stronger, and less trusting.<BR>2) I feel supported. I have a language here and a common ground as I work through this.<BR>3) I have friends to help me. These friends are special because they want us to succeed as a couple. They are not simply telling me to leave. <BR>4) I have learned more about BF, and have had only positive behaviour since the incident.<P>So, even though I actually ended up with mor evidence this trip, I don't feel like I "just found out" anymore.<BR>I want to tell people, particularly those in a milder situation like mine, that healing does happen, and strength can build, even before you get it out in the open.<P>I am constructing a letter to my fiance addressing this entire matter. I'm scared, obviously, that the denials will continue, but I can't live in a state of oblivion forever.<P>Look for me in General Questions now...I will still post under Infidelity, because that is why I am here.<BR>But I realize I have no longer "just found out".<P>Love & prayers<P>Robyn

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First let me say. Happy July 4th! <P>How long are most people in the just found out stage? Is that where I am? I just got your post on my thread. New Here. I sent a reply. I am glad that you are stronger now. I guess that's what I have to look forward to. I kind of feel it already. I think it's not feeling naive anymore. No more blind trust. Once you get slapped in the head by a big fat tree branch you tend to feel around before just plowing through. I didn't know if I should post here or not. I found out about my h's A in Feb. 01. I do feel a little different than I did when I first found out. I have already been in General Questions II. There are a lot of good people there. They have given me some good insight and support. Take care. I will see you there too.<P>NM