My H and I were separated almost 6 years ago. He fell in love with my best friend, whose wedding we were both in 6 months earlier. Her H was my H's close friend and work partner. They both claimed it was EA only and "nothing." We were separated for 9 months, went thru counseling, I forgave (took me two years), etc.<P>Well, we're back in counseling. I told the counselor that this had to be resolved for once and all because I still had doubts. Every time I felt uncertain and would ask him he'd look me in the face and say he was never intimate with her, ever. So I innocently trusted them both.<P>Well, 2 weeks ago it came out. The awful, ugly truth. They did have a PA but at that time he claimed it was in her car and at her house. Nothing at the office or our house. I couldn't stand the thought of her being here with him. We were very close, we sewed together, walked every night, traveled, shopped, etc.<P>2 weeks ago our counselor had us sign this agreement. He agreed to complete honesty from that point on and I agreed to make a safe environment for him to be honest. So I have been respecting that and asking him ?'s I need answered in writing which he is more comfortable with.<P>Well guess what? He's been lying again for 2 weeks, after promising not to. Tonight I found out she was IN MY BED and they did do something at his office. I actually got physically sick. I am so violated and angry and bitter. She had all of our mutual friends believing I was nuts, that nothing happened and I was all upset for nothing. But now I finally know the truth and it hurts just like the whole thing was yesterday.<P>I love my H, even though right now I'm numb. I don't want a divorce and I do appreciate the progress he and we have made. But this lying and lying about the lying, have just shut me down. I feel like why would I want a liar in my life? Who had every opportunity to tell the truth and even promised a counselor, only to lie again?<P>What else is waiting in the wings, to shock and sicken me? He claims it was oral sex only, right. Next I'll find out that was made up too. Doesn't matter, to me it's more intimate and hurts just as much. I hate that they didn't tell me so we could be tested for stds. Her husband had led a very promiscuous life. And yes, there are several diseases you can get from oral sex.<P>But now I'll be expected to forget all about it and move on. Forgive and not look back. If I had been told the truth then, which I begged for, I wouldn't have to go thru this now. I told the counselor I won't live in a marriage of deceit. I deserve better. I was a very good friend to her and tried my hardest to be good to him too. What really makes me feel used is finding out he was going back and forth from me to her for sex. HOw sick is that?<P>She moved away, thank God. Her 2nd divorce by the time she was like 27 I think. She cheated on #1 with #2 and with my H 6 months after that. I do pity her and hope she gets the help she needs.<P>But now I wonder, how do I go on? How can I forgive the lying and violation of my home and my territory? I feel so used and I've never been lower. Most people won't understand because it happened years ago, but for me it happened 2 weeks ago when he was forced to finally tell the truth. maggierose
