This will be a long post - Sorry<P>I guess I should make this easy and start from the beginning. My H and I have been together for 8 1/2 years (lived together for 7 & married for 1 1/2) we have a 6 month old baby girl and custody of his son from a previous marriage. About 2 months ago,- it was early Wed AM and his cell phone rang it was his Ex's # on the caller ID so decided to answer it, but it was too late I'd missed the call but she'd left a message so I went to check it - What I found in addition to his Ex's msg was a msg from OW saying she was home and to give her a call if he was going to be able to get out - date and time stamp were from the previous Mon. - And he had gone out and stayed out until 4AM "drinking with the guys". At that point I felt my entire body get so hot, I could not think straight. <BR>That previous Monday evening I had finally convinced him to help me decorate the baby's room, we'd been putting it off - so when I got home he immediately told me he was going out with the guys, - we started putting up the border, and hanging shelves, we had dinner and at around 9PM he says you'll have to finish this alone, I told you I'm going out tonight, and with that he jumped in the shower and was gone.<P>When I found the msg it was accompanied by a phone number which I called but did not say who I was just that this number was on my phone bill and wanted to know who's number it was and the OW gave me both her and her brothers name - they were the only two people who lived there. I set out to find the address and any other info I could but the number was unlisted. Luckily I work for a company that has access to alot of confidential info so I put in a request for an address check, they said it would take up to a week to get that info. I thought to myself, I can't wait a week that's insane,so I decided to call again. When I asked for the OW the man who answered the phone said there was no one there by that name, (at this point I was completely confused) so I tried again that evening and she answered when I asked for "stephanie" she said this is she and immediately hung up within 30 seconds my husbands cell phone was ringing and he jumped out of bed (he had been taking a nap) and went and tossed his cell phone in his truck, I called his cell phone and checked his msgs and there was a msg from her asking him to call her ASAP she had lost track of his schedule and did not know if he was working or not, but to call ASAP it was an emergency. I erased the msg. Mistake on my part.<P>The next day (Thursday) I could not think straight, the two msg I had heard just kept playing back in my head - I really though I was going to go crazy - So I did the totally desperate thing, I called again - this time when she answered I asked her who she was and why she was seeing my husband - for one reason or another she decided to tell me everything, and I mean everything. She'd been seeing my H on and off for the last 5 years they would go months w/o seeing each other and then he'd call and she gave me details, this OW has actually slept in my bed the last time was when I was in the hospital after giving birth to our daughter. He had left the hospital to get some sleep and bbring some clothes back (I delivered 5 weeks early, while oout of town for the holidays)he apparantley picked her up iin my new SUV, they went to my house, he showered and dressed, they went out for a few hours and came back to sleep in my bed; the next morning they woke up he drove her home and went to the hospital to spend the day with me and his new daughter. She told me he was even upset at her for not allowing him to bring our daughter to her house so she could meet her. That night at the hospital, we got into a huge argument because "he forgot to bring back my clothes" and said he was going to drive 1 1/2 hrs to go home sleep and he'd be back in the morning, I told him "NO", I needed him there with me, emotionally I was unstable, as I mentioned our daughter was 5 weeks early and was put in NICU she was having apnea spells so needless to say, I was crying non stop, and extremly worried. He did not care said that there was nothing he could do for our daughter, that she was in good hands with drs and nurses, It was around 6PM, and time for her feeding, and since I had planned on nursing I was told to go into the NICU and nurse for about 10 min before each bottle feeding he refused to to go with me and said that he'd be there when I returned but that I should learn my lesson about making him angry and refused to go with me to for her feeding. I was so upset I was in tears, when I got to the NICU my dad was there and since I was so upset - I told him what had happened and apparantly my dad went and had a few words with my H about my delicate condition, seeing as I had just delivered the morning before. Now, looking back I understand why he was so angry, he'd planned on returning home to spend another night with the OW and I ruined his plans. I cannot put into words how bad it hurt to feel my heart sink into the pit of my stompach, and as it turned out she'd lied to me about who she was - I knew this woman I'd introduced them when my H and I first met, she was a co-worker of mine and his. I thought My H and her? There is just no way, my H likes small, pettite women - he'd been complaining that I still had some baby fat and I was not to my pre-pregnant weight yet (I had about 6 lbs left) but was wearing all my pre-pregnant clothes. This OW looks like she's 9 mo. pregnant - But there was no denying it, she knew details about about our life that no one would know unless my H or I would have told. She had dates of when they went out, and they all corresponded with the nights he'd been out and stayed out late or should I say came in early in the morning. She agreed to come to our home (since she'd been there, she knew how to get there) and confront my H that night. When she and her friend arrived my H got furious and refused to let them in the house, said he would not allow "trash" and they were nothing but "sluts" and if I opened the door he would leave because he could not live in a house where those type of people had been invited it. At this point I confronted him about why they were there and he denied everything she'd said - told me she was jealous of me and was just trying to break us up. That I must be crazy to think he would go out with her when he had someone like me at home. Arguing went on for days and he told me that I did not have any proof - "In america we are all innocent until proven guilty". So I decided to drop it, eventhough my gut told me he was lying - I told him that I was not going to "share" my H with anyone other than our children and he needed to decided what he wanted - this was his free get out of jail card, If I found out he'd been lying to me all along I'd leave. He said he understood. A few days later he told me that he and this OW had been really good friends and he confided in her because he trusted her an this was a relationship they had before he and I got married (the fact that we were living together before did not matter)and he did not realize that after the wedding he'd continued this relationship eventhough it should have changed to include me, but that I had to believe him it was completely innocent - said he'd helped her and a few of her friends move on several occassions, he helped her get through her mother's breast cancer, her abortion, problems with her ex, etc. all of which he never told me about - if this was such an innocent relationship why did I now know about any of this? Either way I told him it was over and did not want to discuss it anymore. A week later I received a 1K diamond to replace the one on my engagement ring - and this was a proof of his love for me. And at this point he is doing everything to keep me as content as possible - talking to my brother (which he can't even stand to look at), arrainging BBQ with friends, etc. Life seems to be going on.<P>Last weekend at a wedding I walked up behind him and a group of people he was talking to whom I'd never met, only to find his had on OW rear - his instant reaction was "OH, this is my lovely wife, and proceed to introduce me to his cousin that in 8 1/2 years and a huge wedding of over 500 guests have never even heard of. I was furious and made it obvious to him, but did not make a scene. I did not bring up the issue again, which I can only assume relieved him, and he never brought it up either, but why would he.<P>Yesterday, after a slight argument between my H and his EX W sunday night, we 4 met (me, My H, his Ex and her New H) to disucss a few issues, one of them being his constant answering the door for her in his silk boxers and the other being a discussion he had with his Ex about what great sex they used to have and had they only stayed together longer she would have given him more boys. Her new H did not like the disrespect given his new W and wanted to confront my H in front of me. I was speechless. That makes 3.<P>He said she took it out of contex that they were discussing how they were not married long and that there was no love in their marriage the only thing they had going for them was sex and so on, I'm sure you get the picture.<P>I am at the end of a very long rope, and what aggrivates me more than anything is he refuses to admit any wrong doing, everyone else is misunderstaning, or taking things out of context, etc. At this point I feel emotionless, the last 8 1/2 years have been nothing but one huge lie, the only good that has come out of it is my daughter. <P>What now?<P>Sorry about the long posting. <P>
