Hi, I just found out 1 week ago my H of 10 1/2 years had an affair with someone he worked with. It started out she listened to him when he needed someone and ended up with sex. He has broken it off with her but she continues to leave notes in the car, drive by many times a day and even called our house. I asked him to call her and tell her to stop and he did but he said he couldn't do it with me around so I took a shower while he called and he only talked for 1 1/2 minutes but he acted different afterwards, was I wrong to make him call? We have had some good talks and he has said he told me everything but there are still some lingering questions. He says stuff and I don't quite know what they mean. Is it normal for the cheater to want to completely forget everything that has happened and gone on day by day like everything is ok? What does it mean when they say "I can't understand why you would even want me back after all the hurt I put you through", and " I had to find out the hard way how much you really wanted me and not everything I could give you", he even said "Maybe I wanted to get caught". I have repeatedly told him that my love for him is unconditional and I will do everything I can to get us back where we belong. He says there were days when he didn't even want to be with me or love me. I never though in a million years that anything like this would ever happen. Does this sound like a man who regrets what happens or am I fighting a losing battle? Any help will be greatly appreciated.

My H has also said, "maybe I wanted to get caught". I am going to ask the therapist about that. It's very strange when they lie and lie and lie to cover it up then say that.<P>

Dear Shellbelle, I'm new to this as well. My H was the WS.I'm trying to thinkof words to comfort you with, but none come to mind. Just know that I am praying for you, and I know exactly how you feel. My H has said some of the weirdest things to me. I'm like what did you say? it wasn't anything hurtful, for example. He asked if his weight bothered me. i'm like no, i know why you gained it and when your ready to lose it you will. He also asked me why i'm still with him and how could I stay knowing how much he hurt me and us? His most strangest comment was this.. He asked me why i didn't hate him for what he had done. He looked me straight in the eye when he said it. I was taken by suprise. I looked him straight in hte eye and said. I love you. and my love for you is stronger than what happened. And i know that we love each other more than this. And i know that we will make it through this together. So, thats my take on it. Just know thats its going to be avery bumpy ride, but keep the faith and read, read and read and post alot.

shellbelle,<P>I thought I knew my H too for 13 + years, then I discovered the EA via aol im - that was June 2000, then we started not understanding, or let me rephrase - I did not understand him at all - he made no sense. Equate this to yours, you are married to them for 13 years, and then you can't understand them. It is called "fog" - they are in a dense area trying to get out - it is typical - you can't figure out why they are lying, sneaking, all the rest. And then you have to try and figure out why they are so mean, why they are angry, why the withdrawal (you don't know it is withdrawal until later). I made it through without any MB.<P>Have you Surviving an Affair (SAA), and His Needs, Her Needs (HNHN) ? The books will help, you need to read SAA. You need to Plan A, no LB's. Read the book, hopefully you can get him to read too. Some WS are resistant to reading. Mine isn't - but here we are 13 months later, not exactly where I wish, but<P>You are in an emotional turmoil, hurt, pain, etc. We feel for you, we've been there - done that. Hope this helps. hugs, aftershock

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wrecked Sel-image:<BR><B>My H has also said, "maybe I wanted to get caught</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>My wife said something like that. If you ever find out why, I'd sure like to know!<P>Bob<P>

<B>My H has also said, "maybe I wanted to get caught". I am going to ask the therapist about that. It's very strange when they lie and lie and lie to cover it up then say that.</B><P>My W also said that.<P><BR>

We see the therapist on Thursday. This seems to be a common theme. I will ask him about that. Strange that so many of us have heard these same words from our WS.<P>