Yesterday was very weird. It's been a little over a week since I found out about H online thing.<P>Yesterday he was nearly violent, very hostile, sometimes saying suicidal things, and under it all telling me that I wouldn't "move on". <P>Anybody else experience this kind of inappropriate behavior?<P>During his tirades, he hit the walls, broke a chair, etc. It scared me so I mentioned that maybe he should stay with his uncle for a while or something and that just made it worse. That's when he started the suicidal stuff and my daughter and I both talked him into staying, taking his keys, etc.<P>He has slept all night last night and all day today. I am worried.<P>

Sounds like he is playing the victim game and also have fallen into that depression that Dr. Harley talks about. When they are suffering withdrawals from the other person. Has your H cut it off? Or still talking? I haven't even divulged that I know yet. I am planning on spilling the beans tomorrow night at BK where they are planning on meeting with our children, mine and hers. <P>I actually slept with my husband this morning. I tried to do everything he likes so tomorrow night I am going to say hope you enjoyed it buddy, cause that is the last time you're going to have me. That sounds really gross and cruel doesn't it? I am so hurt right now.<P>twinzmom

Wrecked, as a Ws now in recovery, I can tell you that there is a great deal of remorse and while I didn't intentionally play victim with H, he had to listen to much wailing and self-pitying which I now realize must have been horribly hard for him to bear. He was not too bad with me but I gave him room and let him destroy some offensive items around the house that reminded him of OM. It took me a long time to get angry at OM because I was beating myself up so bad but when I did, I chose exercise to start dealing with it in a safe way. I hope you will be safe and your family.<P>Twinzmom, be careful and good luck. I am so sorry your H is betraying you. Do they think you don't know and are you part of this meeting tomorrow night? How awful. Hope things work out somehow.

H cut it off right away. It was totally sexual and not emotional. There was no problem with the cutoff. My fear is that it is just a matter of time before there is someone new. This has happened 4 times in 3 years, but this is the first time we've handled it this way, with counseling and looking at his possible sexual addiction.<P>After reading "Out of the Shadows", a book about sexual addiction, I learned that it is based in a fear of abandonment and my threatening to throw him out just fed that fear. As hard as it is, I have to be the strong one now, even though I'm not the one who strayed. I believe that fear, amplified is what caused the almost violent and suicidal rage on Saturday.<P>He has done several things to try and make ammends. I am trying to show him more that I love him, no matter what. The trust is gone, sure, but I'm not willing to give up on him yet. I won't let the addiction win. <P>He seems so much better now. I just need to keep Plan A-ing I think, and keep supporting him through counseling and recovery.<P>I have no doubt that he loves me. I have that, at least.<P>

Wrecked Sel-Image:<P>I believe that my husband will react the same way. We have weapons in the house and this scares me even further. I hope you're holding up. I'm doing pretty good. Haven't confronted yet. Antoher opportunity pops up that I believe is better than the one I was initially going to confront them with. Or they just don't follow through on where they are supposed to meet. <P>twinzmom

It really did freak me out. I expected some remorse, apologies, crying, whatever, but not that kind of hostility and anger. Since then, he has been ok.<P>Today he's called me several times. He even called me once just to thank me for making sure he got up on time today.<P>Please be careful. I actually walked in on my husband getting ready to send an email to his OW. There was no planning for confrontation - it just was. Please keep the kids away from it. Maybe if it's in a public place, that will keep him from getting out of control...but what if it doesn't?<P>

Dear Wrecked Self-image<P>I am sorry you had to experience you H violent and scary behaviour. I am thinking that maybe he is going through the withdrawl stage that Dr Harley speaks about. Not necessarily the OW as you say but the whole addiction thing. I wonder whether not going on line and facing his problem head on with the therapist is forcing him into a withdrawl stage. I could be wrong. Either way mentioning it to your therapist im sure will help you find the answer.