Well, I need some help here. DDay for me was July 9. I found out my H was having a affair with a co-worker. I had wondered why his behavior had changed in the last year. We have been married 10 years on 7/27. After reading the info on this site it all came so clear to me. I understand his actions and his crazy behavior. We have had a happy marriage we hardly ever had argurments. In the last year he grew disrespectful of my feelings, and all the other signs that go along with this. I even asked him if there was any body else and of course the answer was no.<P>THE PROBLEM: I want our marriage to work. He won't tell me anything. Just tells me he does not know. He tells me he does not love me anymore but care very deeply for me. But also tells me he does not love her. Shows me no affection at all. I show him a little bit but don't want to smother him or he will run to her. I told him he had to deal with this to move on no matter what the outcome. I am doing plan A. I do think this is the hardest thing I have ever done. He still talks to her at work everyday. How can I make him stop talking to her? I don't think he has been all honest with me. He keeps saying they are just friends. I did talk to other W. She tells me she is not in love with my husband. He has told me he is leaving a couple of times in the past but I really don't think he is. I have made preps if he does leave. I am trying to take care of myself and my children. But this back and forth crap is about all I can deal with. Please help.

veaja61...<BR>I'm sorry you have a need to be here but,,Welcome to Marriagebuilders. Youy are going to find many very kind helpful people here, in very similar situations to yours. Please be SURE to read this site,,ALL sections of this site, so you have a complete understanding of their answers and suggestions. <P>From the marriagebuilders official welcome..<P>The people here are both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OW/OM/OP).<BR>All of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of<BR>Marriage Builders(MB). Sometimes the acronyms are overwhelming... check out a summary of them HERE.<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the Marriage Builder's Home Page.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts.<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a sound understanding of Plan A and Plan B is crucial! For most everyone... Plan A... is an excellent starting point!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out): Love Busters, Love Bank, Emotional Needs, Giver and Taker, The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA).<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! <BR>The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the Articles and Infidelity Q&A.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the MB Bookstore... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley. This is the 'bible' for this forum.<BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like "His Needs, Her Needs", "Love Busters", and "Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility".<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around. There is a post that lists many of these non-Harley book recommendations... Books.<P>Most of all... you will find compassion and love here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here! This<BR>is true, not just for those betrayed... but the wayards as well!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, deep depression, and on and on... Again, these are felt not just by those betrayed... but in time by the waywards too.<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without support. That's where<BR>we come in! We care... because we know how it feels. Believe it... You are not alone! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<P>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... you are not alone! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply...<BR>Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used "we"!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they will join in with you. We do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice based on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours...<BR>and ask... ask... ask! <P>To help us understand your situation a bit better, and for you to get more responses, it is recommended that you update your profile with some measure of information.<P>Currently the system maintained profiles has removed the "My Story" section where you would tell your story. Consider putting you profiles as a standard reply to the ===> Profiles post. Information similar to that found in the ===> Roll Call post would also be appreciated.<BR>When you get to know the personalities here a bit... there is a summary post listing the names alphabetically ===> Roll Call Index<P>---------------------------------------------<P>There are several 'infidelity' forums to meet the needs of many and allow you to do some more specific posting... <BR>Just found out......for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR>Plan A/Plan B...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR>In recovery...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>General Questions II... the most used forum... very active!... very supportive!<P>A summary of most recent forum changes can be found at Forum Changes.<P>--------------------------------------------<P>Weekends and holidays tend to be slow...<BR>Be patient with responses then...<P>--------------------------------------------<P>Once you've found you way around the MB sites... you may want to check out a collection of ===> Notable Posts/Threads mostly written by forum members.<P>--------------------------------------------<P>Where two or more are gathered...<P>--------------------------------------------<BR>*** Originally authored by NSR ***<P>I know the last thing you want to do right now is to sit down and read,,but please,,it will be well worth your time. <BR>Keep on with your Plan A. It's your best hope right now. Hard, I know when you see so little response. Are you in counseling? Would your H be agreeable to counseling? <P>