what to do with a spouse who has been seeing a 29yr old married woman with 3 small kids, been married 17yrs, 12 year old (28yr & 6yr old grandaughter by 1st hubby), I cant say anything bad about our marrage he was a good man, 2 $80 cell bills is the reason he told me, he has been calling her @ home,work & seeing her on while on duty, got caught down dirt road while in patrol car & almost lost his job, cant go to hospital where she works for 1 yr unless its a call, he was there all the time coworkers & friends told me he was always hugging her in public, live in a very small town where everyone knew but me, @the time I found out was going thur the breast cancer scare of my life, aunt just lost her breast, my mamo was bad had to have the lump removed it was ok but now ready to go on with my life with or without him, he wants our marrage to work but he cant sleep at nights (blames stress on me) sex has stopped says its the work? afraid he is missing her, he told me it was just talking on the phone no sex, dont believe him, should I keep trying or give up? he thought I could just forget about the affair which he says isnt one since there was no sex, its been 2 months & I cant forget it still hurts.

Welcome <B>misst</B>...<P>I'm sorry for your pain...<BR>...you'll find some good support here.<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>To really work on your marriage, and that's why you're here...<BR>...counseling would be most beneficial, especially if he says he is "he wants our marrage to work"... <P>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$120US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)! Also check out the post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008844.html" TARGET=_blank>looking for a counselor</A>…..zorweb/K…..5/11/2001<P>"...should I keep trying or give up? ..." <B>by all means... keep trying</B>!<P>Forgetting and forgiving are not the same (although they are linked)...<BR>First forgive...<BR>...then learn that perfect forgiveness... is only achieved when your H can do everything possible to help you forget... through his actions of meeting your needs.<P>You are not alone.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

misst,<BR>I go with what Jim adviced. You are starting down the long road to marital recovery. Take and afternoon and read all the information on this site about recovery...not just the discussion forums. Read the articles on infidelity. This will give a great foundation. Get the After Affair book at the local bookstore or order it through this site...they'll get it to you quickly.<BR>Take a lot of deep slow breaths.<BR>Learn about Emotional Needs, LoveBank and all the other theories here...it will all help.<BR>You said he wants your marriage to work...you are already one step ahead of the game.<BR>Come back, read, post often, and be ready for the ups and downs that are very normal in recovery.<BR>T