Just posted on Divorced/Divorcing, but this board may be better. Won't go into all my details. We have been separated for less than two weeks. She says she no longer loves me, has not for some time. The spark is gone. She is coming out of alcoholism and an eating disorded. Last year has been hell. Now this. But, nobody fooled around, nobody gambled away the $, nobody beat anybody. Or so I thought.<P>Was dropping kids off tonight, she was not home yet, so went inside house to wait (she and kids in house, me in apartment). Went upstairs to get a book to take back and read. There her journal lying open-so I looked. Love letter to someone-her boss I think. Could have been a fantasy letter-don't know-seemed awfully real. How much she wants him, how much she hates me.<P>Was probably a mistake, but I confronted her in a very calm way. She denied it, but I am not sure I was buying it. She seemed more interesteed in why I was asking than the question itself.<P>She has ripped what was left of my heart. I am broken or close to it. I have been maintaining, focusing on me, trying to Plan A (absent affair, I thought), give her some space. Now this. I am working my way through lots of tears and a bottle of Merlot right now.<P>I was in a low place before, but this is beyond anything I ould have imagined.<P>Damn her.

Hi, ANB3... hugssssss<P>I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in the right place at MB. I responded to your post on the Div/Div board. Read and learn and we are here for you.

ANB3,<BR>Hurts bad, doesn't it? We know that kicked-in-the gut, knocks-the-life-outta-ya feeling. I'm so sorry you have to go through this but it can get better.<P>Ok,,you've been treating the symptoms without knowing the cause with no real positive results. Now you think you know the name of this disease that has been infecting your marriage. This can be a advantage because now you can research the real cure instead of applying bandaids. <P>Plan A, Plan A. Any chance you can move back in the house? Rebuilding the relationship is so much easier when you are together. <P>Your W is dealing with many life changing problems right now. Is she seriously involved in an AA program and working the steps? Are you involved with her in her recovery and supportive? <P>She is probably feeling very overwhelmed right now and needs all the help and compassion she can find. Are either of you in counseling? Perfect time for Plan A. <BR> <P>

Craze-thanks for the thoughts. Don't think moving back in now is an option. She is really glad to see me gone-almost gleeful. Took her rings off with relish. I am on board with Plan A, but how can it work from a distance?<P>I am not sure if the A is physical, emotional, or even just her musings. But she is at a minimum at least thinking of another lover.<P>Her recovery is strange. She has been in an out patient rehab program similar to AA, has gone to some AA, but I am not sure she is working the steps hard. 'Making amends' could be interesting.<P>I frankly have not dealt too well with her drinking or recovery. It came right on the heels of a life threatening battle with anorexia. She has an addictive personality, and had it before i knew her. Part of me wonders if she is moving from booze to sex-think she has done that before in college.<P>She has been in therapy for a year. I honestly think her counselor is part of the problem for me. I started in therapy a month ago as our separation was going down. It has helped a great deal. We started marriage counseling last week, but she was there and not much more-clearly not too engaged, but better than nothing I guess.<P>I made many of the mistakes of pleading, getting angry, getting emotional before I left (at her reequest). I am now ready to send her a 'Tough Letter'.