Delphi,<BR> I don't mean to signal you out but I have a question for you. It has to do with a post you made on another's. You said you are BACK with your OM again. And you think this is OK with GOD? Are you sure you thought this out???<P><BR> First you said <BR>"I feel God has forgiven me God knows we are human and he always forgives us if we are sorry"<BR> Yes , I think you are right. HOWEVER, if you had a child that let's say, stole something. The child said (and you believed) that he/she was TRULY sorry and forgave him/her. <BR> THEN, found out that the child STOLE the EXACT same item two years later!!!!<P> What would you do? I would think you would PUNISH the child even more than the FIRST time to MAKE SURE the lesson was learned.<P> I don't know if you are married, however, the OM is so YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN. Am I missing something here?<P> You also said, <BR>"I think God always forgives us when we are truly sorry. That is the wonderful thing about being a Christian.and he is not going to punish me because I am truly sorry for my sin."<BR> Well back to the child. Would you REALLY think that the child was TRULY sorry if the child did the EXACT SAME thing that he/she asked you to forgive you for??<P> You say you are SORRY yet you are STILL having an affair. Obstaining from sex doesn't mean you are NOT having an EA. You probably should start a thread and find out the TRUTH that I'm sure you already know. <BR> GOD may have forgiven you BEFORE but what about NOW? Do you think that this affair could have come from ANYWHERE near GOD? I KNOW that God doesn't send LOVERS to MARRIED people!! Not MY God anyway. I think you know who it came from and his name starts with an S not a G. <P> And you look forward to the day that you can stand before GOD and ask him to BLESS this union???????? Think about it. You had the chance to remain friends and THEN if you got to this place AND you were both divorced with BIBLICAL grounds. You would have had GOD's blessing.<BR> You can't be a christian ONLY when you want forgivness. AND you just can't BEND the rules to SUIT your needs. Understand?? <P> Now move your hand from side to side to get the fog away from your eyes and see the light. IT'S WRONG. HE'S MARRIED. YOU ARE INTERFERING WITH HIS MARRIAGE. HIS W is probably CRUSHED. Kid's??<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

I didn't think you'd reply.

Sorry for not responding as quickly as you seem to want me to. I am not on more than once a day at the most.<P>I did not see the man I had an affair with for a year and a half after ending the affair. During that time he devoted himself to his marriage including lots of counseling and prayer. I made it clear to him and he agreed that no contact was the only thing to do and there was no contact of any kind. I am a Christian and worship has always been an important part of my life. But being in the affair drew me more and more away from God until I finally even stopped going to church. My pastor called me several times and finally I said he could visit me. By this time I was a wreck with trying to end the affair but feeling no ability to do it. It was a dark place but my pastor took my hand and we prayed and I began to find the strength. I think my strength gave my lover strength. By this time we had been discovered but still not able to end it tho we tried several times. With much prayer I could make it stick. We said goodbye and did not talk for a year and a half. He did not know if I would still be available or not when he left his W. Yes I think his W is crushed but she cannot say that he did not try very hard to work on the marriage. The marriage had many problems besides the affair and these were the problems that led to it ending. We do not go out as a couple and we are not intimate at this time. We will wait until marriage for that. I committed both fornication and adultery and I am not proud of that. Having done something I never thought I would do has made me even more grateful that God does forgive us when we repent no matter what we have done. We have both talked with my pastor about our situation and he has talked with him alone. My pastor feels that he did all he could to try and stay in his marriage and that he is remorseful about the affair. He knows I am remorseful about the affair. He and his wife are legally separated and are in the process of the divorce which is very complicated for financial reasons but not angry or fighting. They have been living apart for nearly a year. Until the divorce is final we will not so much as hold hands or kiss. That is a decision we both made with the support of my pastor. I am not interfering with their marriage because their marriage is over except for a legal proceeding. Also I am not enticing him in any way. We both feel that God has forgiven us for that sin. We feel now that it is not wrong for us to be together. I think that anyone who is having an affair should turn to their religion and prayer to find the strength to end it. If you are really meant to be with that person it will happen as it did with us. <P>Do you think that anyone who ends up with their affair partner even outside of the marriage will never be forgiven by God even if they are remorseful? I don't think that and I do feel Gods forgiveness in my heart. My life feels right now.<P>Del

Delphi,<BR> Thanks for responding. I'm sorry if I doubted your intent to respond. (were/are you married?) Any children in either lives?)<BR> I understand your line of thinking but if I were you I would ask myself one or two questions:<BR> First, do you think God will bless a relationship that STARTED during a marriage? That WAS an affair? That caused the divorce that OM is going through? Do you REALLY believe GOD sent this OM to you? If he didn't maybe SSSSomeone ELSE did? <P>and two:<BR>I know you WANT to believe that your affair had NOTHING to do with their D, but really NOTHING? Isn't it an OUTSIDE chance that if OM DIDN'T have you "waiting in the wings" that there may be hope BEFORE the D is final? Isn't that why MOST states have a waiting period? Doesn't GOD want their marriage to work? <BR> Or do you think he wants you and OM to be married?<BR> He can't want BOTH can he? Either GOD believes in marriage or he doesn't. What do you think? FRANK<P>

Brilliant points, Frank.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Frank,<P>I don't want to get into a relgious discussion but yes I do think God will bless a marriage that started as adultery if it went as ours did. We ended it. He did not know I was waiting in the wings. We went a whole year and a half without even talking to each other. He had no way to check up on me and his conviction to work on his marriage would have kept him from doing that anyway. My personal religious beliefs don't support predetermination so I don't think God sent this man into my life and that it was planned to happen. I also know that my own prayer life is such that there is no way there is evil in this at this point. There was evil in it when we were in adultery. That evil was our own choice. My relgious beliefs hold that sin is our own choice. We might be tempted but sin is our choice. <P>I really honestly believe that his marriage problems existed before our affair and after our affair with the added problem of the affair. <P>I was not married when we met but I do have children. He has no children. He always wanted children but after some years of marriage his wife finally came out and said that she just did not want children. In my religion that is actually grounds for divorce if a spouse refuses to have children. But that was only one of their many problems. <P>Del

Just curious, Delphi. What exactly is your religion??

I'm sorry Delphi, what you are saying doesn't change the fact that your affair was the catalyst that ended a marriage. Regardles if therte was trouble there to begin with, adultery is in no way shape or form justifiable.<P>I know God forgives when we honestly repent and turn away from our sins.<P>I do wish you well in life, I hope you can find happiness.<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I could not agree more that there is no way at any time to justify adultery. It is against the 10 commandments and it is a sin. Nothing can ever justify it. But you can be forgiven of it if you are truly remorseful and repent of your sin. And I have. I believe that what you are saying isd that God will never ever forgive you if you end up in a nonadulterous relationship with your affair partner. I don't believe that.<P>Del

Re:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>In my religion that is actually grounds for divorce if a spouse refuses to have children<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Delphi, Are you Mormon? I'm just curious, because I've never heard of that reason as one that God allows for divorce.<P>I think that's what Connor was getting at... it was because of your quote.<BR>

I don't want to get into a discussion on religion! Once you say what you are then someone else says, oh I'm that too and you are wrong about this or whatever. But, my faith is a common one and refusal to have children by one spouse, either one, is absolutely grounds to end the marriage. His wife said she would have children and then she wouldn't. She denied him the chance to ever have his own children. I am not one bit confused about this because we are the same faith and have both counseled with my pastor and he with his together and separate. But that was still no excuse at all for adultery. It is a reason to end a marriage. No one has the right to promise to be someones mate and to have children with them and then to deny that to them after stringing them along for years. That is a terrible terrible thing to do.<P>Del