This was previously posted on: emotional needs forum. I think this is a better place for this...<P>My wife of 16 years reached out to an ex-boyfriend (17 years ago) and has now resumed a relationship. Alhtough, he lives in a different state,they e-mail each other at least 10 times a day and often speak to each other on the phone when I'm home. At first, she told me that this was just a friend that she was getting back in touch with. Then, she told me that she wasn't happy in our marriage and that this other guy was attentive to her needs and makes her feel happy about herself. She told me that she really didn't care how I felt, because she is happy and doesn't see anything wrong with speaking to him again. She also told me that she wants to see him, and that she is not sure if she will be able to hold back the romantic feelings that she has towards him. She also told me that she wished that she had never married me, so that she could have explored her relationship with this other man. She feels bad that he is still single after all of these years. She won't seek marriage counseling and feels that I everything that I do is wrong for her. I am so hurt. I can't believe that the woman that I love can be so cruel. Help<P>Everytime I try to discuss our relationship, she runs physically and emotionally. I don't think that I'm meeting all of her emotional needs right now...but I think that I am meeting some of them. She says that this guy is a just a friend...but she is addicted to him. She can't go a day without contacting him in some way. She hasn't even seen him in years.

PJ,<P>your situation is the same as mine was. But I was in your wives shoes. I did the same thing to my wife as she is doing to you. Have you read Plan A? Plan A your butt off!!!!!!. Plan A your butt off!!!!!!. I think that if my wife would have been fullfilling my EN I wouldn't have done what I would have done.<BR> If you allow her to see him then you need to make sure that you are there. If not something WILL happen. I know I was in the same situation and something did happen and now I will have to live with this MISTAKE the rest of my life.<P>Just my thoughts on your situation.<P>MarkC<BR>

MarkC,<P>Thanks for the advice. I've been reading alot about Plan A and am implementing. Sometimes, it's so hard not share what I really want to say to her, but I know she won't hear me right now.<P>How do I prevent her from seeing him without me present? She'll see this as smothering and controlling and she will hate me for it.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PJHurts:<BR><B>MarkC,<BR>How do I prevent her from seeing him without me present? She'll see this as smothering and controlling and she will hate me for it.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You don't prevent her from seeing him. If you try, you will make her fight even harder against you! That's what she wants right now! She wants an excuse to leave you. DON'T give her one!<P>Concentrate on Plan A'ing your A** off! Make it impossible for her to leave a wonderful, loving, caring person like yourself! If she does eventually leave you.......You won't have anything to feel guilty about. <P>Do the right thing PJ. Change yourself into someone she can't resist! Make HER feel guilty for hurting such a wonderful person! Don't give her ANY reason to use you for her purposes! (I.E. By preventing her from seeing this OM, you are telling her that she is BAD! She will resist you even more!)<P>I know it hurts, but hang in there! Be happy that YOU are doing the right things for YOU! God Bless!<P>HT <P>

Do as HurtTired said,<BR>If you are plan Aing she will not want to see him. she will want to be with you. I know beleive me I know. Fill her EN like you have never done before, Make her happy in everyway possible. Love her, Caress her, Fill up all the voids that you have left empty in the past. Take her out where ever she want to go. Make her fill that she is on top of this world.<BR>MarkC<BR>