Tuseday evening I found out my husband slept with my best friend. I've since found out he slep with another friend 2 yrs ago. I'm hurting so bad. What do I do? What should I expect?

What do you want? Do you still love him and he you? I find that some of us like me and my husband we did not have a chance from the beginning because we did not know how to love and meet needs. NOw that we are doing this I think we may be able to have a great relationship and get over his affair. <P>I know how you are feeling totally betrayed. Now you feel you can trust no one. ME TOO!! But I hope that by follwing the advice of MB I can one day totally trust my H an dhe will be openly honest with me and my fairy tale will never end.

Sadly, you are in my exact situation. My H's affair was also with my best friend (who was his best friend's wife). It is A DOUBLE BETRAYAL and because of this, is much harder to work thru in my opinion. Believe it or not, this happened almost 6 years ago but they both lied about it and I believed them. Ha.<P>I just found out a month ago that it was a physical affair. The worst part was they were in MY bed which totally devastates me. She knew how important my house is to me, even helped to work on it. I haven't slept in our room since I found out. I ordered a new mattress and bed and I'm going to wallpaper and carpet the room too. He said to the counselor "it isn't really necessary to spend the money right now..." I was so proud of her for scolding him for saying that. I told him it's much cheaper than a divorce.<P>We were separated for 9 months during which my H, the former best friend, her husband, my H's family and most of our mutual friends were not very supportive of me. It totally affected the way I trust people today.<P>We are in counseling again because of this. It's been very hard but I know it's worth it. It's a lot of work to save a marriage. Prayer really helps and find yourself support. <BR>There are a lot of anonymous 12 step support groups. I went to a codependency group then for a year and recently ala-non even though alcohol isn't really the issue right now.<P>I can't imagine 2 friends doing that to you. I finally decided that my ex friend has no conscience at all. She never said she was wrong, blamed me, her H, her parents, etc. for everything that went wrong in her life. She cheated on her first H with her 2nd H (after only 9 months of marriage) and on H #2 with my H six months after we were both in their wedding. Blows my mind!<P>You have to take care of yourself right now. That was hard for me to learn to do. I thought I'd never survive being separated but I truly think it saved our marriage. It made me stronger and more independent.<P>I will pray for you. There are a lot of people at this site who are willing to help. maggierose

We have not seperated. Our Pastor said you can't work on a marriage if you are not together. We have 3 kids. <P>"she" has confessed all to me, my pastor, her pastor and her family.<P>I just can't get past the fact she was in my bed. Not only that, but I don't only have to deal with her but there was one before her that I didn't know about. <P>How do you trust again, when does it stop hurting so bad. <BR>Oh God, I hurt beyond words.

A2L,<BR>I don't know how your marriage was going before you found out or how you felt toward your husband, but I think you should try to work it out for the kids. Is he committed to the marriage or does he know what he wants? I would ask him. You should get counceling for both of you. Show your husband this sight, see if he will participate with you and read through marriagebuilders together. My wife and I do and it is helpful.<BR>I know it hurts alot when you first find out, I was devistated, completely out of it for about two weeks. I missed work and everything, I couldn't even eat for almost 4 days I wanted to throw up. I can say it gets better, I am in week 5 and I feel a lot better but still have a long way to go before I get back to "normal".<BR>Maggierose,<BR>On changing your matress, I learned my wife did it with OM in our living room at our old house. I learned she didn't even take her rings off, We just purchased a new ring yesterday I do know how you feel. <BR>Good luck, I hope you feel better. E<p>[This message has been edited by SEM (edited August 03, 2001).]

I am so sorry for your pain.<P>Two suggestions.<P>This is a great series of articles to read:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html</A> <P>Also, I will bring up the "General Welcome" thread on this bb so you can find it more easily...it has some great info and links.<P>Best advice for the moment is make no immediate big decisions...you have just been hit with an awful lot, and you are probably in a state of shock. <P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi