I suspect my H may have been unfaithful to me. He swears he has never been with another woman, but evidence suggests he MAY be lying. After agonizing over this for weeks, I am tiring of the constant turmoil and am thinking about giving him the benefit of the doubt.<P>My dilemna is that I am very sexually frustrated and would like to be intimate with my H, but every time I get close to having sex with him, I think of the things I found and it just kills it for me.<P>I am lonely and frustrated!

You have to consider your physical (and emotional) health right now. My H lied to me for a long time about an affair with my best friend. So he exposed me to the threat of stds. I am very depressed because I just found out, even though it took place years ago. I asked him to go and get tested and I will too. <P>Usually, your intuition is right about these things. I really thought they were lying to me and I was right. He admitted he would have NEVER told me if not forced to in counseling. They had an agreement not to tell anyone. Isn't that sweet? I was the matron of honor in her wedding 6 months prior to them having sex. <P>You really need to know. Maybe he'll agree to counseling? It may take a while but it will come up. You could also tell him you can't be "with him" until you know the truth. Remind him that affairs can leave physical, as well as terrible emotional effects. Good luck and do what YOU need to do to stay healthy. maggierose

Trust - Has H changed in the way he is attracted to you? Do you feel that you have not meet all of his emotional and physical needs.<P>I agree with maggierose, seek counseling immediately. Usually, the guy will also say nothing is going on. Give him the benefit of the doubt, tell him counseling is needed to bring the two of you back to a love triangle, but the third person is the LORD. <P>If he is having an affair and it is exposed, are you willing to asked him to leave? A rest from doubt and frustration looks like what you need.<P>Lastly, are you sexually frustrated or do you need to have an intimate (non-sexual)relationship with someone. If more husbands understand this, I believe affairs would become a thing of the past.<P><BR>God Bless,<P>Solomon2002<P>

Hi there,<P>H is recovering from surgery at the moment, so counseling is out for now... he did agree to it though. I think that there are many problems to be ironed out. We were sexually intimate (several times) over the weekend. It was nice, but his lack of concern over my sexual satisfaction is as obvious as ever. No wonder I lost interest in the first place, our sex is pathetic. I often end up in tears because he falls asleep and leaves me hanging. We are going to stop having sex permanently if this continues. I think he needs to read some books on the subject or get some instructional videos. He really seems lost while trying to please me. He does not listen when I try to give him the road map. (Typical man does not want to ask for directions).<P>We have a lot of ground to cover, where to start????<P>Very depressing, very disfunctional, but H does not see it. I'm miserable.

Trust I responded to you in the thread in recovery. Please go and read it. <BR>Allie.