Hi, It's now been 2.3 months since I learned of my husband's A. After having read through a lot of information, I've understood that my husbands needs were being met by another woman. <P>Now, the thing is, about a week after my learning about the affair, I asked my husband to move out. He did. I think that it was good for both of us, because I couldn't help myslelf from lashing out and I didn't want him to, either.<P>Anyway, I miss him terribly, when he isn't around. On the other hand, I'm affraid to have him move back in. I'm afraid of getting heart-broken, again. The way I look at it, they dated eachother for 1.5 years, took a 1.5 year break and then had a one night stand. In my opinion, then, he's had more than one affair. Granted, I was unaware of the whole ordeal, until recently, but I still feel like he could have kept his pants zipped after 1.5 years of being away from this woman. He claims that the one nighter" occured because he drank for the first time, in 11 years. Is that possible? I'm not a drinker, so I don't know. He's a recovering alcoholic. <P>Now, he's apologetic and sorrowful. However, I'm still not assured that he wont make the same dumb mistake--if that's what one would call the last episode--one night. How can I be sure that he wont have some other grand excuse?<P>Over this last 1.5 years, he and I had a much improved relationship. How can he use alcohol as an excuse for his behavior? Am I being stupid for even considering that he's telling the truth?

From my experience (which hurt like ****), separation was essential and dating was a great thing. We're still together, even after his affair with my best friend. We were apart 9 months and dated for 4 of that. Good luck, it's a very hurtful thing.

As a guy I would not trust myself to date in my state of mind. My wife left me and 3 kids 3 weeks ago to think things through, she went to other man. Our 9 year wedding anniversary was the first and she didn't call at all and wouldn't answer my calls, I thought my world was caving in all over again. The next day a female friend of ours called to hang out with us and my mind thought it would be fun to hang, but my mind kept bringing me to talking to her about my hurts, and this leading to that and I DON'T want to go there. I need all my focus on my marriage, some may be able to do date, but think it through, all the way through, is there a possibility of doing something you don't really want to do. Just don't rush into anything you may regret later. God bless and good luck, its a bumpy ride. <BR>

2kids,<P>I think you should date your H. We seem to have alot in common. My D-Day was May 19, and my H moved out about 10 days later. We also have 2 kids. My H and I have dated while he was gone, and I think it really helps. Plus if you do ever want to reconcile it helps to keep the contact going.<P>I think alcohol can cause us to do some things we wouldn't normally do if we were sober, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept what he has done. In fact it looks like your H has 2 problems to deal with infidelity and alcoholism. Have the 2 of you had any counseling?<P>Good Luck! Heck