I've posted once before suspecting (highly) of my H having an affair. Well, guess what? Turns out I'm right. <P>The OW left her H, moved back to home state. H went to training in a state near hers and that's when I knew. But didn't have hard proof; H came running straight back to me after his trip even though we are separated. <P>So I made an unexpected visit to his place, he invited me to spend the night, so I agreed. This woman is calling there over and over that night and also the next morning at 5 a.m. If that isn't a red flag, nothing is. I knew it was all crashing down, so I went to my place on my way to work and saw her H's number on my caller ID. I called him to see what was up, but it wasn't him that was calling me, it was his wife wondering if my H and me were getting back together because she suspected him cheating on her!!!!!<P>What a mess this is. So I told her yes, we were planning on working things out (that's what H had me believing). And then she proceeds to tell me that he told her there was no chance of us reconciling and he loved her. They had spent that whole last week together and had been seeing each other since he moved out in Feb. She tells me he asked her to marry him while they were on their little "getaway" (even bought her a wedding ring set!!). Also, when she moved back to her home state, that he called and said he can't live without her and needs her back here. Gave her money to make her bills and to come back, etc. <P>All the while he moved into a place with more bedrooms so he would supposedly have more room for our daughter and I once we were back togeter (although he was in no real hurry to move us in!). She says he told her the apt was for her and her son (one of 4 children she has custody of). Lies lies and more lies. At this point she is totally furious at him and wants to go confront him at work. I say "Why don't we go together?" I meet her at a restaurant close to his work, I call him and say I need to talk to him, and we wait. <P>Finally he shows up and we both confront him. All came crashing down for him then, losing both and his job possibly because he works with OWs husband (that's how they met). We both stood there and gave him hell and made him face us. It's about time.<P>Problem is, I'm wondering if he really loves her and if I'm keeping him from his happiness. He says he wants me and wants our marriage to work, but I feel like a real jerk for taking back such a lying snake. And the thoughts of them together....ugh....don't know what to believe anymore. And the mess at his job because she did come there and tell his boss, made a scene, etc...don't even know if he will be employed long. Boy oh boy, what a tangled web we weave. He risked EVERYTHING for her. I just can't believe it. I just don't understand. <P>This has been the roughest 2 weeks of my entire life. I've been to hell and back. But now that I know the truth, it's such a weight off my shoulders. The not knowing and suspecting thing just kills me.<P>Sorry this is so long, but I needed to vent, can't sleep...life will get better.<P>Take Care.<BR>

I am so sorry that your suspicions proved correct. But, at least it is out in the open now...which is usually the beginning of the end for an affair.<P>Couple of suggestions.<P>This is a great series of articles to read if you haven't read them yet:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html</A> <P>Also, look for the "General Welcome" thread on this bb ...it has some great info and links.<P>Best advice for the moment is make no immediate big decisions...you have just been hit with an awful lot, and you are probably in a state of shock. And your H is prbably twice as confused as you are.<P>Affairs are similar to addictions...they produce strong highs that confuse the wayward spouse (WS). Your H probably does feel he "loves" her. He also probably doesn't want to lose you. You two will have to get him through a "withdrawal" fromt he affair, and you will have a lot of anger, grief etc. to deal with. Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? You CAN do it though...<P>So, don't make any immediate decisions. Try to be nice to each other--you are both hurting right now. And, follow the MB plan for rebuilding, it really does work:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/print/mbi5065p_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/print/mbi5065p_qa.html</A> <P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi<p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited August 04, 2001).]

Rhapsody,<BR> Im sorry I KNOW how awful this is, but I also understand the relief, NO your not crazy, NO your not paranoid, no longer need to wonder quietly all day.<BR> There are so many going through the same thing, 50% say the experts.You have come to a great place for support.<BR> Good luck<BR>L.

Update:<BR>The OW doesn't want H anymore (just remarried her ex) so she is out of the picture (far as I know).<P>I love my husband and believe he loves me, but this is so painful. He claims he didn't know how to tell her he wanted it to be over. I feel like an idiot for taking him back. He asked her to marry him and gave her a wedding ring!! All the while being with me (intimate, also) and telling me he wants to get back together. <P>This is sooo much to swallow.....so so many lies. After we separated, I really didn't want to get back together until I saw the OW at his house (they were still claiming to be "friends"). What's that all about? I mean I missed him and was very sad, but I knew we had major problems and thought it was something I needed to do...the "right" thing to do. I saw her there and I saw red....shortly after he started visiting me and trying to move toward reconciliation, it seemed.<P>Now I think back on the 4 months where he's saying "oh, I just want to make sure things are right between us before we get back together" and "there was never ever anyone else" and "I love you and only you" while all this sex and proposing was going on and it just makes me ill to think about it. I've been told by a coworker and my very judgemental sister (who hates H by the way) that I'm crazy for taking him back. <P>Meanwhile, now that the OW is out, I'm in and he's treating me like a princess. I really thought if we just worked it out I could get over it, but I just didn't realize the magnitude of the whole thing...it's overwhelming. Also wondering if we had anything to save in the first place <P>