H and I have been married for 12 years;dated 8 yrs. prior to that. We're late 30's no children. I noticed in the past 6 months that large sums of $ were being withdrawn from our accts. for about 3 years. (He handled all the finances, and I trusted him.) I also noticed that phone cards, greeting cards about missing someone, etc., have been appearing around the house. About 2 months ago, found condums in places that make it appear he's taking them to work. Everytime I ask about anything, he wanted to do something different "for us" or "for me". He makes phone calls to work when I'm in the shower, even when we're on vacation, whispers to someone, and tells me he's calling his male boss. Have also surprised him on the phone in our bedroom at 9:30 at night; said he was speaking to his boss. Phone often rang at 9:30 or later and someone would hang up when I picked it up. He lied to me and was seeing someone from work prior to our getting married, but told me that neither thing would ever happen again. I feel like this is deja vu all over again. He won't tell me what's going on. Says the $ was spent, but doesn't know on what. We are scheduled for counseling this week. I've asked him if he's in love with someone else, if he wants a divorce, or to please tell me what's going on. He's told me he's not going to talk about this at counseling. He's extremely critical of me for awhile, and I have caught him in lies especially in the past 6 months. I'm sure I haven't been meeting his EN's but neither has he met mine. I can't be intimate with someone I think is lying to me. I just can't get him to open up, I'm not sure I can trust him, and I don't know what to do. I'm thinking he's been banking the $ to buy a new place for the OW, and the timing just isn't right otherwise he would have left by now. We've been together so long, and he is my best friend which makes it even more painful. All I do is cry, and it's so hard to get through the day at work. My job is demanding, and I have to think clearly. Please help.<P>[This message has been edited by Sad1 (edited August 12, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Sad1 (edited August 14, 2001).]

Welcome <B>Sad1</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Opening up all your heart to him will take time!<BR>Trusting will take time too!<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>You're not alone! Stay here for help and support.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

sad,<BR> I understand your turmoil, I had a string of things that didnt match and actually felt some sort of relief when my husband confessed. I wasnt crazy,I wasnt paranoid, I no longer had to wonder. The truth will come out. Come here for support,counseling is a good place to start. If your best friend told you these things what advice would you give her? Dont make any rash decisions keep your head. Look at the basics here about infidelity and emotional needs.<BR>Good Luck<BR>SAD(too)