I dont know anyone here, but I just found out yesterday that my husband cheated on me. How I found out damn near killed me! I was searching through the messanger file for a picture of my grandmother and found some pic files that I didn't know what they were. Well I found out, it was my husband and some girl. I am beyond devastated, I feel suicidal, I feel betrayed, I am scared, I feel lost...God I feel like ****. We are working with this site as a start and have an appointment with a counsler today. I dont even know why I writing this, I am just lost. I cant seem to stop crying and my insides feel like they are dying. I am a police officer and I can't bear to go to work, because if my mind is not on the job then I could not ever come home again. I love my husband with all of my heart. I know that somewhere along the line I let him down. I feel so ashamed.

Kasaan,<P>I know how you feel, I'm almost 5 months past d-day and I felt very much like you do right now. While I didn't catch my W, she confessed, it was devistating nonetheless. All the feelings you're having are very close to what I felt.<P>All I can recommend is to talk to your H and try to find the reasons for the A (not easy to do). Read all you can on this site, read it twice if you must to fully understand it. You didn't say how your H is responding to your discovery, but he needs to know the priciples as explained here. He more than likely will not participate with the enthusiasm as you due to his withdrawl and guilt, but he must know what is being done.<P>Learn about ENs (emotional needs) and Plan A and put both into effect right away. I will personally say that this site and the wonderful people on this message board saved my marriage. Post here often to vent, don't vent to H, it will only make things worse. <P>Good luck to you and don't give up! <P><BR>------------------<BR>...Keeping a stiff upper lip. Life begins on the other side of despair.<BR>-Scarlet Pumpernickle<BR>s_pumpernickle@yahoo.com<p>[This message has been edited by scarlet pumpernickle (edited August 15, 2001).]

I know how you feel my SO didn't sleep with another woman but I just found out two days ago that he hit on my best friend. <P>I haven't been able to sleep or eat and I am just so hurt and angry b/c I can't believe he would do that to me. In a lot of ways it's worse b/c I don't know if it was really just a joke. I want to believe it was but I don't know if he would have slept her if she hadn't rejected him.<P>I feel like I want to just curl up and die.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Kasaan:<BR><B>I dont know anyone here, but I just found out yesterday that my husband cheated on me. How I found out damn near killed me! I was searching through the messanger file for a picture of my grandmother and found some pic files that I didn't know what they were. Well I found out, it was my husband and some girl. I am beyond devastated, I feel suicidal, I feel betrayed, I am scared, I feel lost...God I feel like ****. We are working with this site as a start and have an appointment with a counsler today. I dont even know why I writing this, I am just lost. I cant seem to stop crying and my insides feel like they are dying. I am a police officer and I can't bear to go to work, because if my mind is not on the job then I could not ever come home again. I love my husband with all of my heart. I know that somewhere along the line I let him down. I feel so ashamed.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Kasaan,<P>Things will get better. I've been where you are at many times. My DDay was 12/10/00. The past eight months have been hell for me but it was honestly the best thing that has happened to me. I can see your pain and I have felt hopeless many times. I still don't know if our marriage will survive but I am a stronger person than I ever thought I could be. I know I can survive anything.<P>Here's my advice. Get counseling for you. Don't expect much from your H. Don't expect him to be honest right away. If your husband can be honest right now then you have a lot more that most of us here. He was living a lie and would have kept living it if you wouldn't have found out. Take your share of the blame for the marriage but not the A. That was his choice. Don't force him to do anything. Make your own decisions. Let him know what you need and find out what he needs. <P>You mentioned that your husband is on this site. Here is a message for him.<P>Kasaan's H,<BR>I am a BS. I know how your wife feels. You can see her hurt in her words but I can tell you that you have no idea how bad it really is. She is completely confused and cannot see any light. I am not going to sit here and condemn you or even pretend that I know what you are going through. I know that you are going through a lot of emotions and pain yourself. I'm here to tell you that you are at a fork in the road again. You knew where you were headed the first time you made a mistake. Now is the time to pick another road. I have watched my W completely destroy herself because she was trying to protect me and do it the way she thought was best for me and her. I did not ask her to make my choices for me. You need to be honest with your wife and tell her right now if you want this to work or if you want out. She needs to hear the truth about everything so she can make her own decisions. Answer her questions honestly even if you know she will get hurt and we all know she will. Give her time. She is going through the worst thing that has ever happened but she will find her way thru it. You may loose her but I don't think so. It should be her choice anyways. Would you want her to make your choices for you? I see the same thing in her that happened to me. She is about to start a tough journey and at the end she will be one of the strongest people you will ever meet. If you want your marriage to work then you need to read the letter from trueheart. He was a WS. He knows how you feel and he knows what it takes to get your marriage back. One last thing, don't be afraid to post and ask questions. You might be afraid that you're the enemy but we are all here to make our marriages work and we all want to help each other.<P>RECOVERY IS A LONG ROAD. IF YOU WANT IT, IT WILL TAKE MORE THAN YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD EVER DO.<P>Stick around,<P><BR>who<BR>

Here's a link to the letter by trueheart.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010715.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010715.html</A> <P>who

Hi there--<P>I am so sorry to hear you feel so awful. Hopefully, it will help you to know that the hellish feelings do ease with time (I just found out about my H's affair w/ my SISTER less than a month ago) and that life does continue. The people here are great-very caring and giving. Also, remind yourself that you can handle this-it sucks-but you can and will get through it.<P>The way I have chosen to frame the situation is as an opportunity to rebuild trust and intimacy and put things in our relationship in order. You hold a lot of power right now--over yours and your husband's lives. It might help to wait until you are feeling more yourself to make any major decisions. Let him see what he has done to you, evaluate his responses, ability, and desire to help you through this.<P>Hope this helps--it did help me. Take care of yourself and hang in there.<P>Amy