I just came back from out of town Sun. My best friend called me Mon and told me my SO had hit on her. She didn't believe for a second that he was joking. She said he called her and said he was drunk and could he come over b/c he didn't want to drive home. She said fine and he said he would call her when he got near. She said he called her back and she told him about not waking up her roomates and that the guest room was there. She said he made some commet about the bed and she was like what are you talking about. Then he said he would not come if he could not sleep in her bed and that he was not used to sleeping alone. She told him then fine don't and then he asked what she was doing Sat and would she come over? She told him she didn't know and she had to go.<P>I confronted him on this and he said it was just a stupid joke. He tried to say that he didn't remember all that. Then he said he was just flirting with her because she was safe and he knew she would never do anything.<P>I'm just so devasted. We have been together for over five in half years. We have a three year old daughter, we are raising his two sons from his exwife, and we just bought a new house this april.<P>I want to believe so despartely that it was just a bad joke but I don't know. I know he does say a lot of crazy things and I know he will joke about things like that. So it does make me want to believe him but my BF says she knows how he jokes to and that she doesn't believe that it was a joke at all. But I also know that he slept with his exwife once, when he had been dating for about two months. I forgave him but I never forgot. The reason that I did is b/c he confessed the next day me and he didn't have too. I probably would have never known if he had decide to tell me.<P>The three of has talk on the phone and my BF is not buying it but is willing to take it as a joke if I am. I told him that I don't know if I could ever trust him again. I never really got over the thing with his ex and this is just a nightmare bc I can't believe he would do that to my BF, she is like my sister.<P>He says he is willing to do anything that I say to prove that he loves me. That he won't go out as long as I don't want him to- that will be at least a year. He'll never take a separate vacation and will never ask. Should I accept this? <P>What I really want him to do is to take a polygraph. I just don't think I can't move on until I know for sure. Is this a good idea or not?<BR>

NumbwPain,<P>Joking or not, it wasn't a funny propostion. It hurt you, put your BF in a bad, uncomfortable position and made him look less than honorable. <P>I don't think you are wrong to take this seriously. Continue talking to him and perhaps suggest counseling. Does alcohol play a big part in his life? Perhaps AA if that's a problem. He seems to be willing to work with you to resolve the problems and that's a good sign. <P>Good luck to you and continue to post.

No, he doesn't have a problem with alcohol. We have been talking about this and I keep obessioning on the incident. Trying to convince myself one way another. I know that he didn't sleep with her and he swears to god he was on his way home(he claims that proves he wasn't serious),but how do I know that?<P>I know that some people will say at least he didn't do it, but to me that doesn't make a difference. I want to try to make it work if it was a joke, but not if he was serious. I know that I can't ever forgive him if he was. I just don't know and I feel like I just want to die.

Dear Numb,<BR> Im sorry this has happened to you I know its bad to wonder and not know,its tearing you up.<BR> When i first came her some wise soul said, look back on your time together, has it been more good or bad, then decide if its worth a try.<BR> You will know the truth about him in time.<BR> Look around on this site and learn the basics. Take the Emotional Needs test and share your results with each other.<BR>Come here when your feeling scared and angry.<BR>Good Luck