The way i found out about my H cheating was a letter that I got at work. It was signed "Someone who thought you should know".<P>When I showed it to my H, he confessed. I asked him if he knew who wrote the letter and he says not for sure, but he has a good idea. It is a fellow co-worker of his (military).<P>My question is this. I am in desparate need to talk to this person who wrote the letter. He was with my H during his month long trip with the OW.<BR>He saw things. Heard things. He knew enough to write me a letter.<P>Should I talk to this person? If I do... there is a chance that things can get real heated at my H's work. Being military my H can go to jail for what he did if the right people find out. Also so can the OW (she is military also).<P>If he does get in trouble... that means a few drops in rank, which means less $$ for our family. The $$ is not all I care about though. Dont get me wrong. I know that my H takes so much pride in what he does, and he loves his job. I would never take that way from him, no matter what he did to me.<P>It would be a huge risk to talk to the writer of this letter. Should I take it??<P>~Heather

Heather,<BR>This is just my opinion. Since there's so much at risk and since you really don't know who wrote the letter, it doesn't sound like a good idea. Also, consider what is to be gained from the conversation. Yes, you know your H had an A. He already confessed - details are painful and most likely useless. Wondering is torture, but your H is still with you and you have much more important things to be concerned with. First of all, why? This other person cannot answer that question. Only your H can. You and your H need to work through this together. <BR>Hang in there - and thanks for your reply last week.

Stay Strong,<P>I was an Army Officer for 9 years and so was my husband. We still work with military families. I'm well aware of exactly the types of issues you are talking about. <P>This person wanted to remain anonymous for some very obvious reasons, probably because they know what it can do to your husband's career and the impact it can have on a military family. It couls also have a negative impact on the informant if it was discovered that he/she was a "squealer". It is obvious that they thought you had a need to know and wanted to keep it out of the Army's hands and in yours, where it belongs. In essence, they have given you a gift of sorts (maybe not the best term). They guided you to the truth so as to prevent further problems for them too. <P>It isn't easy seeing people cheating on their families and believe me you see it in the military because of the long separations and travel involved. As far as I know, adultery is still punishable under the Uniform Code of Military Justice and it usually involves a Company Grade Article 15 for enlisted soldiers and a Commanding general's Article 15 for officers. For the enlisted soldier, they would lose money and rank. For the officer, they lose money and their career.<P>Considering all that is at stake, my advice would be to stop pursuing the informant. <P>Bluebird<P>

Thank you for the replies. I have decided not to reach the writer of the letter. I already know what I need to know from my H. Also... it is too risky.<P>~Heather<BR><P>------------------<BR>"What do you do when the person who usually wipes away your tears is the one who is making you cry?"

Heather,<P>At first I thought that this message came from me....<P>There is no need to speak to the person that sent the letter. I received a similar letter at work, telling me that my H was cheating and who with and that was in march 2001. Just be thankful the letter came before he got in much too deep. Unfortunately, my H got fired from his job and so did OW. Yes it could get very messy, but keep it under wraps at the work place. There is no need for anyone to get fired/discharged over this.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you!! Stay strong and let him know that he cannot knock you down. A wise woman once told me that "Women are the strongest creatures on earth" and that is the absolute truth. We carry so much burden, but are so strong that we can take just about anything life throws at us.<P>I am unfortunately going through a second test of strength, found out yesterday that H never broke it off. This morning I got dressed for work in my best suit, did my hair and make up the best I could and walked in with my head held high. I can beat anything, I can get through this with as little impact to my emotions as possible. I had my breakdown yesterday, but today Heather starts a new day of a new life, whether I choose to stay or go, I am starting a new life.<P>I am praying for both of us or anyone in our situation. Be as strong as you can be and you will get through!!! I have decided to turn my life over to God and I believe that he will guide me in the direction that I need to go.<P>LOL