We'll today has been a month since I asked my H to leave (d-day 22nd). I couldn't bear looking at him not talking to him.<P>During the last week or so, we have been talking at least once a day, but I feel that it is because of me. This is one of my EN but I really get the feeling that he is still seeing and talking with OW. He tells me he is not, but his actions do not prove so. Reading other topics, I'm starting to think that he may be in a fog and currently does not know what to do to make this better. I hope he gets it together before I determine to move on. Since he is not living with me, it makes it a little easier to deal with - I don't have to see him "sad" for the OW or act like everything is okay (which he is good at). Now, I am a little strong and have a desire to eat. I am still not sleeping too well but some days are good, some are bad and others are really bad.<P>What was our foundation? We were friends at least five yeaars before we were married - that's what I thought, and maybe that can save this. I don't know??!!<P>I've come to realize that I cannot compete with the OW because I do not have experience she has (evidently I didn't). I've had maybe three men sexual and I am uncomfortable with somethings (but I just needed time, how much he asks me, and I can't answer that - it may have taken years but I feel his love for me should have endured.)<P>And in time, doesn't mean I would not have done anything he wanted, but SF was very, very important to him at this time and I didn't realize I had such an issue with it until I started counseling individually.<P>Somethings we grow up with and others we learn as time go on but "to me" it just takes patience on both ends.<P>I can only be "me" with all my inhibitions and issues. I have been going to counseling, and really see what some of my issues are which stem from childhood. Either way I must deal with them - no matter what happens to us.<P>One week, I cried everyday, three or four times a day. This was difficult since I had to go to work and church, but after the week was over, I felt a little better and realized that it wasn't "me" per se, but I did contribute to the problem.<P>I know that I am a very beautiful young lady, and currently I know of several men that would like to spend time with me but I can't do this right now because some of my EN are not being met and spending time with any one of these guys (right now) would be "dangerous" unless I am going to divorce my H which I am not sure of yet.<P>My WS wants to work things out (so he says) I'm not sure if I believe him the repentence is not convincing, but I do believe that whatever God wants for me is going to happen, I just don't know what that is yet.<P>My encouragment to all is "TIME" - time will give you a level head. Time will help balance you out a little bit so that you can think clearly, and determine if this is worth fighting for (I don't like to fight). Wait a while, and see what happens. Take this time and get familiar with your needs so if you guys talk you will be able to "tell him in detail what you want or need. And even thou the WS had unmet needs, in a real sense "so did you" but no matter what you need to know what they are, that's always good. <P>

Whyme?<P>I will be praying for you. Don't give up hope. With God all things are possible. <P>Is your spouse living with you? <P>Keep praying and know that God is working in your sitution. <BR>Pray2Day

No, he is not. I asked him to leave a week after d-day because the following week was our 3rd Anniversary. At this point, I couldn't bear the sight of him, attempting to "act" as if everything was normal, as if we were okay. Knowing that our Anniversary was fast approaching did not make this any less painful. Everyday I had to come home wondering what now. He slept on the sofa, and actually came home early for once. I think I would have rather he "hit me" then for him to betray my trust. After my first marriage, it took me a while to trust again. <P>Speaking of trust - I just found out where he lives after a month.(I thought he was probably staying with OW). I've separated my money from his because I didn't know if he wa using it for him or them. I currently speak with him at least once or twice a day now that I've made it an issue. (conversation is one of my EN)<P>He has stated that he loves me, and believes I can meet his needs. (one thing is he didn't realize or probably he thought I was lying when I said I really had no clue as to what he wanted. I didn't have alot of experience "sexual" so I really didn't know how to react in certain situations, and somethings seemed sinful (not kinky) but shameful to me (family background).<P>I did ask him how he felts about the OW. He told me that she was a good friend to him when he was confused, and that's all. He does care about her but nothing else. She was a good friend (I thought I was his best friend). Should I believe him? He stated he was the one who broke off the relationship because it was wrong in the eyesight of God (which was good) but what about wrong to me? He said he was confused, hurting and upset at the time all of this was happening.<P>We were even going to a marriage counselor (the one that spoke with us before we got married) which really helped me see some of my error here (that's before I knew). I was starting to "come around" and he just stepped on me, crushed me in a sense.<P>I'm just not sure if I can wake up every morning with him knowing what he has done or have him touch me knowing that he has touched someone else, maybe the same way....every time his cellphone rings or he picks up his palm pilot or he gets on the computer, I'll be wondering - is he talking with her, do he want to see her, what is he doing? This is no way to live. Trust is something you earn, but when it is broken - what do you do use crazy glue :-)<P>Tonight, we are going to another marriage counselor, someone that doesn't know either of us. Pray for me. I'm a little nervous.<BR>