Quick up date is my wife supposedly has last seen (had sex with) other man sometime in mid october. Last week she drove by his place, saw him with another woman, and then called him to see what was up. She apparently got angry at him and claims to have had a revelation that marriage to me is what she wants. Well I have had a hard time buying into this this week. Note this is supposedly the third time she has had this revelation. I went through a heck of a week trying to decide to give her another chance. I relized I couldn't keep moping around any more and had to try and be married and meet her needs. Took her and the kids to go see the nutcracker lastnight and her and I went out to nice resterant to eat tonight. Yesterday I called her during the day and she was crying. When I asked why she said it was because of all I had done to her the past twelve years(I used to drink a lot and didn't do a great job meeting her needs, needless to say she didn't meet mine to good either though) and that all I can see is the past year when she had her affair. She started coming down on me for making me call her family when I first found out about her affair last February. By the way I never made her call her family, I told her I did not think her affair could ever be anything meaningful especially when she could even tell her family about the guy she was seeing. Thats when she called her family and told them about it, I think to so me that she could tell them. Anyway tonight we had a good time going out for awhile, but as soon as we got home she started claiming to be tired and said she was going to bed. I guess I got frustrated and asked her what the crying yesterday was all about. She got upset and told me I was trying to control her again and wouldn't listen to her. I told her that right now I am mostly worried that she will go back to the other man again. She says I will never trust her even though she says its over. <P>Anyway, enough rambling, just wondering if anybody has any input on what withdrawl is all about. Might she be going through withdrawl, finally realizing that the guy she thought loved her was just using her for sex and he isn't the answer to her problems or am I controlling her in someway? So many things she says and the way she acts are hard for me to understand. Any input is appreciated.

TimJ,<P>It sounds like witdrawal... but incomplete!<P>A reminder from <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If there is a failure to totally separate from a lover, it usually means that the measures taken to guarantee separation are inadequate. (page 73 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I can't tell whether 'controlling' is accurate... Why do you think she says that (God... I sound like a shrink... excuse me )<P>Could you update your profile...<BR>Are you in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A or Plan B</A>?<BR>Is she home?... with OM?... alone?...<BR>etc.<P>Jim

Jim,<P>My wife is home and has been except for about a one week stint last March when she moved out. She has claimed all along that affair was over and that she has been working on the marriage. Only problem is she keeps sneaking back to him, unknown to me. <P>The control issue I think some times comes as a way for her to blame things on me. My wife has always had a way of trying hard to please others as a way of trying to find love. She does this to the point of giving up what she wants or needs inorder to try and make others happy. I think this is partly what her affairs have been about, having sex with someone else inorder to try and find love. I think that as long as she can blame me for controlling her, it makes her affairs acceptable. I was such a bad person, that it is understandable why she went for someone else. I just get tired as always being blaimed for my wifes in ability to stand up for her self. Part of the control may be because this blame does get me angry and scared. Angry for being blamed and scared that the behavior will continue.