Two weeks ago my husband told me he was having an affair, and has been for about 6 months. He did agree to go to counciling with me (probably out of guilt), but I felt it was important to talk to someone as soon as possible. He didn't tell the OW we were going. In fact, were living in Limbo as he can't make up his mind what to do. I'm angry and hurt, but I still love him and want to try everything I can to reconcile. I owe that to the 12 years we were married and the two daughters we both love. I just don't know how long I can put up with his indecisiveness. If I ask him to make a decision, will I be pushing him away?

I know what you mean. My H and I were married for 3 years, and in 6 months he's was confused, frustrated, and hurt but he wants to work things out now. I know about the limbo state that's the hardest but I had to ask my H what were we doing, several times before he schedule an appt with a counselor. According to MB alot of times the WS goes through withdrawal only if he has cut off all connections with the OW, and sometimes may "backslide" but you have tgo deal with your feelings also. Has he cut off this relationship? If not, you still have problems.<P>I don't think asking him what the deal is will hurt, but he may get upset and think you are pushing him. Give yourself and him some more time, either he will come around or leave. Again A don't last - according to MB usually they end up broken up because they are built on decept and lies.<P>Only you can determine what is best for you.<P>Prayers for you.<BR>

Thanks for the reply. I did give him some time, then asked him to stop seeing the OW. He says he cannot. He is only staying with me and the kids because he doesn't want to be financially unstable. He wants to stay in the house for the next 8 months while I'm going to school, and continue to see the OW. I want him to go, but I'm not sure how to get him to leave and not look like the bad guy in front of my children. Any suggestions?

Aiden<BR>Try to assure yourself that you do have some time here. Don't LB or he may do an "exit stage left" it's the easy way out. He told you two weeks ago and he wants to stay for the next 8 months. Ok, you know he's seeing the OW. You need a plan. My W made it clear that she would be ok without me, but that she loved me. As time went on, she showed me how much value I had to the children as a father... books, outings etc., and very slowly that she was becomming intolerant of the OW. It took a time (months), but it worked. I have had no contact with OW for 3 mo., but it took a long time for me to come to that, but I was exactly where your H was. Talk to your counsoler about this. We are still in recovery, but every day is better, much better, and I'm nuts about my W! Truly unbelievable.<BR>I hope this helps.<P>TopCat

I know exactly how you feel. I went and may be still going through the same thing. My H told me about his affair after he told the OW that it was over with them and he wanted to stay with me and work on our marriage. Four days later he told me his part of the story. I contacted the OW and she told me that under no circumstances would she give up she had been in love with him for 15 years. Maybe she said if we were still together in six months she might give up. Two weeks after telling me about the A and telling me he wanted to work things out he moved out to do some thinking with her for the weekend. Three days later he came back crying that he still loves me and wants to work things out even though he was still seeing her. I took off for a few days, made arrangements to have my children looked after and didn't tell anyone where I was going except my mother-in-law(believe it or not Anyway he tracked me down and was begging me to give him one more chance and that the OW meant nothing to him and that they had nothing in common and that after they did it he wanted to leave right away because she didn't talk and didn't stimulate him mentally. So, I being in love with my H and believing I married him for better or for worse (still do) took him back under the agreement that he would not see her. Again, she wouldn't leave him alone and kept calling and I believe he felt alot of guilt because she left her H for him believing that they were going to be together she was even willing for him to live with me so that we could work on our marriage and she would wait on the side until he decided what he wanted to do. She was willing to have him any way she could even though she knew he still loves me. HELLO????? Anyway I found out because I had suspicions again and confronted him and he admitted it. He has had no contact with her for about two months now (or so I think) I guess what I'm trying to get at is this:<P>If you believe in your heart that he still loves you don't give up, fight and fight with everything you have to keep your marriage together, it's not and won't be easy but if you truly love him and believe that he loves you then please, please don't give up even if you feel like throwing in the towel. Is there anyway you can go away by yourself and search your heart to figure out what it is you want? I know that when I did this it helped. I was able to go through all the garbage and search my soul and the last word was that no matter what I love my husband and I was willing to go through this and all the crap after to make it work. It has only been three months for me and I am still having a very hard time with this but I truly believe in my heart that we will work this out.<P>My thoughts are with you.

Thank you for the replies. Your situations sound so hopeful. I wish my situation was as bright. My H says its too late to fix this marriage, and he doesn't love me anymore, but he likes me (sort of like a neighbor). Isn't he special! I was stunned. His selfish behavior is driving me away. He would prefer to spend time alone (or with her), but not with me or the kids. I don't even know who he is anymore. I'm a nursing student, and my grades have just been horrible these last two weeks. I've completely lost my focus, and I find myself feeling very bitter and angry towards him. I guess I just need some boundries in my life. I not going to make any rash decisions, and have decided to wait until October to confront him again. I have contacted an attourney so I know what my rights and entitlements are. If he does decide to leave, I can protect myself and the girls. Thanks again for all your support.<P>aiden