About a month ago I found out my H was cheating, or I think he is. I have suspected it before but had no proof. He has accused me of cheating a few years ago had a PI follow me and tapped pur phone he was sadly mistaken wasted alot of money for nothing he found nothing out because there was nothing to find out we have been married for 7 years and have been together for 9. we have a girl6 together aboy 5 together and a 14 yearold who was from his first marriage he has had custody of him since he was 6 months old and I have helped raise him since he was 5 years old. He lives with us. He has seen his mom 4 times since I have been with his dad. she moved to canada a few years ago... Anyway to get back to the subject at hand, My H has recentley opened his own mechanic shop not far from our home it has not gotten very much bussiness yet. He had me go to the shop to wait for the phone company while he took his dad to the doctor I was looking around being nosy and in his tool box very bottom drawer under a plastic box that held a battery operated drill I found a 3 pack box of condums opened and a wrapper from one of them crumbled up in the box behind the other two that had not been opened yet. under neath the box was a couple of papertowels allfolded up I did not think anything about the papertowel at the time but was wondering why he had the box of condums and where was the one that came out of the empty wrapper I have not said anything to him yet or let him on that I know. I wanted to find more before confronting him and find out who it was if he was cheating there was one of the tool boxs drawer that he always kept locked so I was determined to look in there one way or another to find out what was in there I coldnt that day and I had no keys to his shop or tool box ect.. noone else works there but him trying to keep very low overhead untill we get started. One day I had to go to the store so I acted like I could not find my keys and asked to use his well I went to his shop before going to the store and looked in the tool box where I had saw the box of condums this was about 2 or 3 days later they were gone he had moved them and the papertowel that was under them was gone to I unlocked the one drawer that was always locked I found about eight diffrent dirty magazines and between them I found two of the condums still in the wrapper but the box and the wrapper to the empty one and the papertowel were nowhere to be found I had to leave and go to the store so I would not be gone to long the next mroning about 10 am I popped up at his shop out of the blue he was just sitting there reading a paper and I went to use the bathroom and noticed the trash bag in the garage was full and that must be wehere the empty box and papertowel went to I could not really go through the trash with him right there so I offered to take the trash to the dumpster when I was getting ready to leave and he said no he would do it later now why would'nt he let me since i was on my way out the door? unless he had something to hide in it? as I left I was trying to figure a way to get the trash. I boorowed his keys the next day and went and had copies made of the shop and the toolbox keys. the next night was Saturday and him his dad and brother were going to the races he was acting very nervous I had to work at the pool that night so I could not follow him my friend brought her cordless phone over to the pool for me and I tried calling his celll phone it would have been the time he was driving to the races and had not gotten there yet...but he did not answr his cell phone I called his cell phone about 14 times he never answered it I had my sisterinlaw wholived down the street from the races to go check and see if his car was there his car was no where to be found and neither was he she called her H on the cell phone from the parking lot which is his brother and asked if his brother was there and how the races were going he lied to her and said yes he was there and she was there and did not see him anywhere so she called me and told me I closed the pool early but right before I did he called me sounded a little out of breathe and nervous and asked if the kids were alright I said ye s he said he did not here his phone and just happened to look down and see a message on it he has never not heard his phone out there when I have called him and if he didnt here his phone whydid his brother hear his ?> I closeed the pool had my friend watch the kids and ran out there his car was parked right beside his dad s truck and right by where you walk to enter the races I took a picture and my sisterinlaw said that it was not there she exspecially payed clode attion to the vehicles around dads truck because they usually park next to each other and it was not there!!! when I got home I called him and he answered his cell phone on the first ring and you could hear the races going on in the back ground so what explanation do you have for that ... the next day I went to his shop and the trash was still there he had not taken it out yet I looke din it and at the very bottom was a parts bag and in it was the empty crumbled wrapper and the empty box and the paper towel all together in the same bag I unwrapped the papertowel and there was a used condum and lipstick on it wrapped up in it I took it with me and still have it dont know what to do yet I want to find out who it is and there name ... I work a part time job at the pool only 11 hours a week and every job before this he has always made me quitt and I wanted to go to college and he said no that was almost 6 years ago I figured once all the kids were in school I would go to college and actually do something with my life but I have no access to any money except for the pool money which I dont get anymore because our pool is closed now all the kids are in school and I am trying to figure out a way to go to school now but can't because of no money I am not on any checking or savings account with him and never have been I thinkit is because of his first wife.. but still don't know what to do or how to bring up the condum or how I got it he will deny it I know he will not sure if I shouldbring it up at all please help me any advise would be very much appriciated thankyou all in advanced <P>upset & confused

Welcome <B>upset*confused</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>You're on the verge of discovery...<BR>...before you confront him...<BR>...learn a game plan...<P>Start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Get the "bible" on this topic of infidelity...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> (library or bookstore)!<P>Find some counselling (perhaps from your local church)...<BR>I know money is tight for you now...<P>Then... get the courage to do what needed to done from the beginning...<BR>...practice honesty.<P>Tell him that you believe that he has been unfaithful...<BR>...(proof need not be given... tell him you saw the condom.. but don't throw it back into his face...)<P>...<B>and that you are willing to forgive him</B>...<BR>...but that some form of counselling is in order.<P>Putting off this act of honesty too long...<BR>...will let the situatuion spiral out of control.<P>Don't let the "race thing"... drive you crazy...<BR>...don't let your imagination run wild either...<BR>...there really could be many rational excuses to the phone situation...<BR>(cell phone could not be reached (-out of range) ... inadvertantly turned off... going out for a pack of cigarettes/snacks/drinks... etc.)...<P>But the used condom... is a tougher one to ignore.<P>You have my prayers.<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Thank you for your advise I will do that and let you know how it all goes<P>upset*confused<BR>