Hi guys short story hear my wife and I have been married 15 years and known each other 22. 8 years ago my wife had a affair with a guy. He chased her and he chased her hard and she liked it. But made her vary confused. I was not doing a vary good job fullfilling her needs. At that time I did not even know they exisited. Anyhow she stayed with me and I have always resented the other guy so within my fantasy I have told her to find some one else and not treated her vary good. We have a 5 year old child. I expected a full apology and some sort of apology never came. So now that I have found MB I realize that I have been a idiot. Well anyhow she found another guy to have a affair with it is sexual and emotional. She confessed before it went to far. Told me she loved me more than anyone but wants to prove that she will never have another affair. She does not accept that it my fault also for not fullfilling her needs. How do I get her to love me enough to stay married been though this whole sight and this seens to be a unique problem

{{{allicat}}},<P>Immediately re-affirm your marriage...<P>Rescind your telling her to find another man that will make her happy...<BR>Let her know "that is a big mistake" for you... her... and your child!!!<P>Counselling should be considered...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$120US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)! Also check out the post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008844.html" TARGET=_blank>looking for a counselor</A>…..zorweb/K…..5/11/2001<P>Even if she doesn't agree with all of the MB concepts...<BR>...the basics of honesty/time should appeal to her good sences...<BR>...and skill building (POJA and meeting "needs")... are the reasons to go!<P> <P>Jim

Allicat,<P>Read your other post from over the weekend as well as this one. Glad that you are focusing on your daughter and the effects all of this have on her and her life. <P>The suggestion of counseling through MB is probably a good one. We've had two sessions through a work program, and I don't know what to think about our counselor. Told me that most marriages don't recover from loss of trust....so encouraging! I, too, am so troubled by the rollercoaster from day to day. I feel like he pushes all my buttons!<P>Everyday I also discover some new wrinkle that he hasn't told me about. To explain one of his disappearances, he told me he was at a travel agent planning a trip for us and wanted it to be a surprise, but I never saw any brochures or anything even after he told me about it. I figured this was a trip he was planning with the OW, and a new discovery last week basically confirmed that. He was after his birth certificate, and I think that's what he would need it for. (Of course, instead of asking me to get it for him, he broke into the place it's kept and ruined the chest.) Mine was untouched, so that rules out the vacation 'for us'.<P>A couple of weeks ago was my birthday, and I read the horoscope thing about "if today is your birthday...", and it indicated that I would have a change in marital status/residence in September. I read it out loud, and immediately after, he told me his birthday is in Sept. I asked what the two had to do with each other, but I didn't get a response. Waiting for the shoe to drop this week.<P>Went to an event over the weekend and was anxious to meet people he works with. Not there more than 5 mins. when someone says "you must be his wife", and someone else says "well maybe it's his wife...right?" and looks at him!!<BR>I was so angry!!! I wanted to say "who the hell else would it be!" He can't understand why I'm so angry!! They only said that because they haven't met me before. <P>I wish I knew what to do. I ask God everyday for strength to get through this. I don't feel like I can split up, and I don't feel like I can continue with this. It's so much turmoil. <P>Let's hang in there....I hope things go better for you this week.

Thanks for the ideas. I am trying to get her to reaffirm our vows and have told her I love her to much to share. We are going to MB workshop in Dallas at the end of the month. I am still dealing with the other guy in the picture. Yesterday she told me she just did not want to be held. We are on one heck of a rollercooster ride here. I believe in what MB has to say but in our case I thnk the other guy is going to be here awhile. He is off to the Virgin island with his live in girlfriend. I hope he propose marriage to her. That would help but even if they brake up I am some how going to get my wife to fall in love with me again. The hardest thing is giving her space so I do not smoother her. She really is a special women