(edited September 04, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by cheated (edited October 02, 2001).]

I understand complete were you are. My d-day was about a month and two weeks ago. I don't believe there is a step by step instructions on how to deal with this, but I've been going through counselling myself, and am told that these up and down feelings are natural, and I should deal with them accordingly. Your H must understand that you are very hurt, and one day you want to be with him, and the next you hate him for what he has done. You also need to deal with this depression you are suffering with for whatever reason - this did not make the situation better but it did not help either. You're withdrawal may have been one of the reasons why he did what he did - not in the least bit excusing what he did because it was wrong before God, to you and your daughter. I understand after counselling that there are two sides to every story, and you may not like all that you hear, but if you are really going to work it out, you need to express how you feel and he needs to express how you feel. Currently, me and my H cannot talk about "US" unless someone is there, but we can talk about "general things" like work, church, etc.<BR>But dealing with "US" is hard, but I am told that we must express our feelings. That's hard for me because I hold things in and now I am suffering physically because of it.<BR>Another piece of advice - take it one day at a time. It's been about a month, and I'll okay. Still on a roller coaster, but eventually it will stop. Take it one day at a<P>Prayers are with you. Hang in there. You've made it three weeks.<P>

Hi- I am a BS and my H had an A with a single coworker. I found out on Valentines day and its been quite the roller coaster since then. H refused to end the A right away so I asked him to move out which he did for a month- he stayed at OW"s condo, then moved back home but was still in secret contact with her, then filed for D on me because OW pressured him to, then he FINALLY ended his A and we are in counseling. Quite the long road for us. I have coped by taking effexor- an antidepressant AND anxiety med, and focusing on myself and our 3 kids while he was totally confused. I have discovered that our marriage is over as it USED to be- instead we have to relate to each other DIFFERENTY. Its like grieving thru the death of a loved one- you have to grieve, get angry, work thru things because your relationship has suffered a huge trauma. Be gentle with yourself. All those stages are normal and cant be rushed thru. Believe me I know! I am 6 mo past d-day and we are only NOW starting to truly rebuild and re-commit to each other.Many a day I was just disgusted and angry and wanted out entirely! Take care- lifeismessy

For anyone who TRULY wants the answer to a restored marriage. I sugguest going to Restorem.org. The have a book and workbook that every one should get. It is worth the $25 investment. They also have alot of info on their website. My marriage also was in severe trouble. Both of us ended up in adultery. Their books have opened my eyes. Nobody truly wants a divorce. The pain it causes both sides and children isn't worth it. They have set forth principles that are found in GOD'S word. <P>Counseling is one of the worst things you can do. You will bring up alot of angry words that can't be taken back. Also forgiveness can come with the help that God alone can give.<P>I did to go through alot of what you are feeling. When I found out my husband was involved at first I was mad. Then we both clung to each other.(I then got pregnant with 3rd child) Then I got to the point where I didn't care. I guess I was hardening my heart. We then found out about the coming baby. That's when he said he wanted a divorce. I was even at this website and got Dr. Harley's books, which are very good. BUT, God word is the only way to follow. I came across Restorem.org about a year and a 4 months ago. God showed me how I was blaming all my troubles on my husband, when in fact I was cold and selfish and did not know what loves was. God turned a husband who didn't want to have anything to do with his unborn child to the man that loves his daughter and was there at the hospital and picked her name. A man that was involved with someone else and now isn't. A man that was coming home maybe once a week to 4 times a week. We still have a way to go. We don't change overnight, but God is faithful and the outcome will be a NEW, BETTER marriage. I now have a friend and lover in my husband. Whereas before it was alot of why me? how did I end up with a marrige like this?<P>Please look into this site GOD is worth it and he is FAITHFUL all the time.