WOW!<P>I made some amazing discoveries in the past two days here and I freakin' HURT.<P>My suspicsions I have had over the past few months have been undoubtably proven right. 20 years of relationship and 18 years of marriage appears to be exploding right before my eyes right now. I just don't know how you people can go on with the same feelings I have right now! Tell me what you people are taking to ease THIS pain.<P>I couldn't get anything done last week when they were merely suspicsions; but now, I really don't know how I will be able to get up out of bed.<P>Someone, anyone, stop the pain PLEASE!

I am now 9 months after D day. I also suspected for a few months before it was confirmed. This has been the most difficult thing that I have ever been through. I was once where you are. Unable to function as a mother, wife and professional for several weeks. Things got better over time. I came to this site daily, several times a day as a way to drown my sorrows. The best advice is to take care of yourself and do things that you enjoy. Exercise also helps. Don't make any decisions until you are more emotionally stable. That really helped me since I didn't put any pressure on myself to make any decisions and just concentrated on making myself better.<P>You can survivive this no matter what path your life takes.<P>

Hi Popeye_34<P>I have been married for 9 years.<BR>I don't think anyone is ready to find out that there W OR H is a WS. I was not. I always said to myself, If there is one thing I can count on in this life is that my W would never ever cheat on me. Well, guess what, she has had a EA with a co-workers 5 months ago. She told me that she has feelings for him. I found out about them a month and a half after it started. The way I found out was I hit the rediel button on the phone and BINGO. I knew something was wrong before I found out, but never thought it would lead to this.<P>It was tough on me for the first two months. Real tough. I lost 15 pounds, could not focus at work. Plus, I had to make sure my two kids had a least one parent who would love them two times over. My wife was and still is non-exsistent. <P>I made sure I had a coat of armor on because my W was nasty with the way she treated me and the way she acted in general.<P>Good Luck<P>Dino

Trueblue and Dino, Thanks for your quick posts and sharing your stories. It really helps.<P>Thank God my logical mind is stronger than the emotional mind, or I would not be considered a free man. I've had several thoughts that ran through my mind but over the past few months, I have been developing that "coat of armor" that you speak of Dino, and the thoughts faded fast.<P>A serious day of tragedy today. I'll tell ya, one day someone will ask me where I was when the World Trade Center collasped, and I will tell them that I was crying over my keyboard.<P>She came home early from work today and I attempted to show her how much I love her. I knew that she was hurt by her ex-lover and that she was already in love with someone else.<P>I told her that I already know but didn't tell her what I knew. I explained to her that I would like to hear it from her. We talked at great length, and it was the first time that she actually talked to me. It doesn't help the pain, but I can only hope the guilt that she is feeling and the love that I have shown her are enough to make her understand.<P>I'm so glad that I have posted here. It makes me feel a little bit better knowing that the pain I'm feeling is at least understood by someone.<P>Thanks for your concern folks...<P>Pops

Your feelings are completely understood, by many others here and especially me. I too am a BS. My WH had an EA and then PA with a co-worker. She no longer works at the same company he does, but they continued contact on at least 2 different occasions when he told me it had stopped. We are now in the 3rd episode of him telling me that it is over with the OW, but I must say I don't really believe it yet.<P>I really want too, but I have been so hurt so many times that I just can't believe him. He too has told me that he is in love with the OW, that cares for me but isn't in love with me. He has even told me that he wants to be with her, but he doesn't want to hurt our child and risk his relationship with her. So I told him he has to make a decision that I can't go on like this anylonger.<P>He told me that he didn't know if he could give her (OW) up. But he has always been very concerned about our child (age 7) and has told me that if it wasn't for our child he "would have been gone long ago". <P>After that last, long discussion my WH told me that he had ended it with the OW and that it was over. This was the 1st time he ended it, before she had told him she didn't want to see him any longer. <P>But I have always wondered if the WS being so "in love" with the other person puts a different spin on all of this. I know from this website and the books from here that "being in love" in an A is the most difficult to end. So I am so torn about what my life will become. I want to be married, continue my family life and love my husband so much. I am willing to forgive most anything, but my feelings are so trampled right now. I question everything he does. I think my problem is that he has acted happy, content at home before and the later said "I was just going through the motions, I was so empty and missed OW so much, I was miserable". That is really hard on a BS self esteam and it is hard to forget. <P>I so understand your feelings of "how can she do this", I wonder that everyday about my H - just about every hour. <P>I hope for you that this is over soon, that your W comes out of her fog and you can rebuild your marriage. That is what I so hope for my marriage as well..best of luck..