I have a huge problem and I don't know where to begin here. I know I have this posted under the wrong topic but I could'nt find anywhere else to fit it. Ok lets start here, I have always been overweight, not HUGE but I'm 5'7 and weigh about 220lbs. After high school all I wanted was a husband like everyone else was doing, after having several bad relationships I got on the internet, and meet my husband. Let me say this me being overweight has bothered me some but not much cause I carry my weight well and I think I'm very attractive.....but in past failed realtioships I blamed me being 'fat' on it. OK, now my husband and I have been married 3 years. Upon meeting I was so happy and could'nt believe that I found him. When we meet I weighed about 160 lbs, over 2 years I gained up to 220lbs. Heres where to drama starts......about a year ago during sex he made a comment on the weight I had gained since we were married, immediatly that killed all my sex drive with him. After sex I told him how mch he hurt me and how much he killed my self-esteem, but he said he didnt mean it the way I took it, anyway time went on and it eat at me everyday the comment he made. I brought it up to him several times and he still says I took it the wrong way. Since then hes tried to have sex with me a couple of times but I shrug him off, cause I'm not sexually comfortable with him anymore. Several times I have caught him viewing porn on the net of brick **** house bodied women which made me feel bad. So after about 6 months of this, the hurt was gone and revenge was wanted in myself. I just thought if I had sex with another man I would feel better self-esteem wise. Fighting with the thought for 6 months longer, cause adultery is not my way of thinking neither was I raised like that, never even cheated on old boyfriends. I meet a man and had sex with him, my husband to this day dont know it. I thought my concious would bother me, but it hasnt yet, and I don't know why. I'm not sexually attracted to my husband anymore and dont know if I ever will be again. We dated 1 month and got married, maybe thats the problem, I dont know whats wrong, and I dont know what to do. I'm scared to leave cause hes good to me, he works hard ETC. But, I just dont feel happy and in love like I should with him. I'm scared of being alone and realizing in a few years I messed up if I leave him now. I love him but I'm not in love with him anymore. I have talked to him and aked him if hes happy and he always says yes, but its hard for me to belive him cause we dont even have sex. We dont have kids and he wants kids but I can't bring kids into this till its all sorted out. Please HELP!!!! Should I see a counsler on my own?

MessedUp, Yes, please see a counselor and ask your H to go to marriage counselling. <P>I am so sorry to learn your H is into porn. What a hurtful thing to your already-shot sexual confidence. <P>Comments on weight affect us profoundly. I am just a few pounds short of your weight and nearly the same height as you and also can carry it well enough but it still makes me disappointed in myself. <P>Counselling will help you to accept yourself and perhaps find out what issues underlie your sense of hurt. I would encourage you to go for it...I hope you find a high quality person. Glad you are here on MB because you will find support and awesome advice here.<P>Please don't give up on your marriage just yet. There are amazing testimonies here and you will see them as you read.<BR>At least you have been spared the damage an affair can do; although personally I think your h's viewing porn is a type of unfaithfulness in itself. But it's not an issue that cannot be overcome.<P>Wishing you success and recovery,<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start