Hello, I have been lurking here for a week now. I have read and reread all the articles on infidelity, but still I am in disbelief that my H has been with 2 OW since April. I felt since May that something was going on, of course he always denied it. I have been in intensive therapy for the past year learning to deal with being molested many years ago when I was 7. H and I started marrige therapy/counseling in May when I found he was conversing over to phone to OW in Canada and also engaging in cybersex. What a slap in the face to find that he has been carrying on all while going to marriage counseling. I just do not get it. 2 weeks ago I with the help of some computer software discovered what I have felt all along was true. He fessed up to meeting this OW in PA for a weekend. I, feeling that at that time he really needed to get away, helped him find the motel to stay at {with her} and sent him on his way. This is before I found out about the 2000 minutes in phone cards he used up to talk to her while I was at work. When I found out about her and the calls and the cybersex he said he would cut it off immediately. He said he would email her and tell her and that I could sit right there and read what he was sending. I waited a week and it never happened. So I emailed her. I said nothing mean to her other than I did not understand how someone who is or was married could engage in the activity she was with another man. This is before I learned of their weekend together. She wrote back and said I had the totally wrong idea of their relationship. That they only talked to one another as friends. <BR> With the help of the snooping program keykey, I was able to find he had another private email acct and his password. there I intercepted a note from someone stating she was worried if "Mr C" should happen to break on them that she and my H could end in a situation that neither one would want to be in. I ask him about this and was told that she was someone he had met recently and were planning on getting together, but they had not. The next day I found the email he sent to her breaking off their relationship and by what he wrote I felt I knew this OW and that more than "just thinking of getting together" happened. He fully admitted to everything when I confronted him. They had 4 sexual encounters one being at his and mine "special place". As it turns out I do not know her but I have met her. One night my H and I went out to a bar where he does kareokee {sp?} and she just happened to be there. He invited her to sit with us and some other friends. She sat next to me all night, smoked my cigs and begged me to go up and sing with her...all the while knowing that I was his wife. That part gets the best of me. <BR> H and I have stated that we are both committed to our marriage and want things to work out. I did first want to file for divorce but the fact that we have 3 children turned me from the thought for now. I am on an emotional rollercoaster and feel like I will never be able to get off. I am on wellbutrin, been on it for 4 weeks, before that I was on prozac. I can not imagine what I would be like if I were not on it. I am so hurt, so numb, so depressed. I never would have thought that he could stoop to this level. I do accept that I am partially responsible for the situation but it seems he wants me to take more of the blame than I am willing to take. He has not cried one tear about it and I have cried gallons of tears over it. He does not want me to keep on rubbing his nose in it,and that is not my intention, but I do feel that I MUST share my thoughts and emotions with him about this. <BR> I am sorry this is so long and if you have read this far thank you very much for doing so. Any help or word of encouragement would be benificial. I just want he pain to stop. Will it ever? It scares me when I read some posts that people are in recovery for months and even years and the pain is still there. I am not sure I could last that long.<BR>numbnohio
