I'm not eveb sure how to begin. I found out 2 days ago that my H was having an A with a woman at his office. I found this out 2 days before our sons 4th Birthday. I doscovered e-mails from her to him about how much she missed him and how hard it was to be away from him. I confronted him and he admitted it and promised me it was over. He says he wants to make our M work, but I don't know. How do I make the pain stop long enough to try and talk to him? I can't eat or sleep, I'm drinking to much. I get angry and yell at him and he just takes it and says he's sorry but I don't think he has any idea of the pain he is causing me. He still see's the OW every day at the office. It is only a three person office and I know there are times when they are alone together. I want him to quit, but we really can't afford that. He is her manager and I'm afraid if I tell her H there could be a lawsuit. I don't know what to do, we had problems, we both knew that but I never imagined this. I feel like I have been slugged in the stomach and I can't catch my breath. <P>Please anyone tell me how to get through this, how do you get the mental images of them out of your head? That's the worst part. I want to go to the office and confront her, to tell her to stay away from my H or I will tell hers. I want to trust my H when he tells me its over, but these pictures in my head are killing me.<P>I'm sorry this was such a ramble, but that's how my head is right now. I can't stop crying and I can't think straight. The only thing I have holding me together is the need to take care of my son and try not to let him see all the ugliness that's happening around him. Any words of advise or support would be truly appreciated.<P>Thanks

Needing<P>I found out my W was having an affair about seven weeks ago so I can definitely relate to you situation. It’s good you found this forum so soon after finding out about your H. I wish I found this forum that soon after. There are a lot of people here with some great advice. This is also a good place to blow of steam and not at your H. Do as much research as you can. The more you know the better you will feel.<P>Right now I think you are in the drivers seat. He has admitted to the A and is committed to your M. I feel this is definitely positive. Be cautious though, my W originally said she would give our M a try and four weeks later I found out that she was still in contact with him. Now my wife will not even give our M a chance and wants out. If you feel like you want to work things out then by all means give it a try. If both of you are willing to make things right then what do you have to lose? The hurt and the mental pictures you are feeling will not go away anytime soon. It’s been seven weeks for me and I’m still hurting everyday. Try not to get to sick on the emotional roller coaster that awaits you if you have not already taken a ride or two.<BR> <BR>Best of luck! No matter what always try to look after yourself. Easier said than done!<P>HeartBrokenHusband<BR>

For me it has been 9 months since my wife had an affair. I still have daily images in my head so just be ready for a long recovery. You can't rid yourself of these images so fast. I would tell the other person's spouse.

I have been thinking about telling the other spouse, I know that this would really upset my husband. I think he(the other spouse) would probably make her quit, but I don't know him and I am afraid that there may be a violent reponse. They have small children.<P>Other questions keep coming to my mind too. I have asked him for his Hotmail password and he doesn't want to give it to me. That really bugs me.<P>I have asked him a few details about the A and he wont give them to me. I feel like I am banging my head against a wall.<P>On D-day he did tell me that he does'nt want to lose me and our son, but now he says he doesn't feel hopeful that we can work through our problems. He seems very confused and numb.<P>I want to plan A, but I don't know if my asking him questions about his day and asking him if he's told her that I know is LB'ing. He swears to me that nothing will ever happen between them again and that they only talk if they have to about work issues, but it really eats at me that he see's her every day. How can I be in Plan A if he see's her at the office. Oh I don't know, I am just so confused and scared all the time. Scared that he will be at lunch with her or alone in the office. He doesn't say anything, but I can tell he resents it when I call on his cell phone.<P>Well thats whats inside my rambling head for now. Thanks for listening.

needing, I am glad that you are concerned about keeping your child unaware, my H and I did the same. I am fws and from my own experience it seems that your H is not ready to let go of ow. I remember seeing the pain on my H face and I felt very bad, but I still was in (the fog) it took over a year to come out of it. The best thing that helped me was when I completely cut off all contact with OM. Even as much as to avoud places I knew he would be at. Is it possible for OW to find another job? this would be best for all invoved. My H wanted to tell OM wife but we decided to make OM tell his wife (or my H would) then I found out they got devorced, (through the kids, they went to same school) that hit me hard because I felt responsible. Now I know that I only played a part, not all my fault. I found that I needed God, praying helped and still does. Give it a try [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Keep posting you will find people here with almost the same story and lots of ecouragement. Also there is good bboks written by Dr. Harley, they are very helpfull. <BR>Pretty

Pretty,<P>Thanks for the response. I actually think that my H would be very relieved if she took another job. It just doesn't seem real likely right now. My H is afraid to ask her to leave because he thinks she may start talking harassment lawsuit. He is her manager. I told him that she would not make any noise about a lawsuit if she didn't want her husband to know. The office is actually very close to my house and I have started making my presence known around there. Stoping in to say hi or ask my H to lunch without calling first. And, yes he knows its my way checking up on him. Amazingly she has not been at the office any time I've stopped by. I know this because they all park right in front of the door and I would see her car before anyone ever knew I was there. He kind of resents my doing it, but he does understand why I do it.<P>I do want to confront her, kind of a "keep your hands of my man" thing. Maybe my being around more will make her uncomfortable enough to leave on her own. Especially if she thinks I may tell her H.<P>I have started reading Torn Asunder and am planing on getting Surviving the Affair as well. And beleive me if I had not been praying for God to give me strength, calm and understanding (of my role in the collapse of our marraige and of his feelings) he would have probably been dead and me in jail that very first day. (but then again, I would not do that to our son.)He has even asked me how I have managed to be so calm, since the third day anyway. I told him that I just keep praying for a calm head and the right words to explain how I feel and to convince him that I love him and we can get through this. With put love busting, which is really really really really hard.<P>Well I guess that's my ramble for now.<BR>Thanks

needing,<BR>One way to think of his action is H is in the fog that every one talk about. It is nothing personal on his behavior or action toward you. If you could afford MB, do it and told H that is the condition to build your M. Currently you are in roller coaster of your life, one moment you up (H love & care about me), one moment down (H is selfish sob and love me not). Put together plan A, and it is hard ... it make my tummy churn up side down. But luckyly once the A is out of the bag, most of it dies naturally within 6 months. But plan A calls for no inteference but let it dies naturally, even office visit might be consider as LB or inteference (playing your H guilt). I know it is hard but I survive so far and I rely on God grace also. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] my W is staying for the past week w/ OM and just come in the morning to see my D. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Remember even one spouse could save the both soul and the bible tell you so.

I know he is in the fog. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by feeling like, Hey, I am the one who was cheated on, HE should be doing the work to fix this, not me. I would have never, ever done what he did. I know that's when I need to take a deep breath and pray for strength only God can provide, but it is soooo hard. I guess right now my challenge is to give this marraige over to God and trust in him to provide the answers. Not that I mean I should abdicate responsibility for my part in neglecting the marriage and not dealing with our issues prior to the A, and I know I have alot of work and a long road ahead of me. I just have to trust in God that whatever the outcome it is his plan.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by needing:<BR><STRONG> ... HE should be doing the work to fix this, not me. <BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>H will have his day to work on his part. Yes, it is hard but think as if you have someone to help you to better your self (personal trainer).<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> <STRONG> ... I just have to trust in God that whatever the outcome it is his plan.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Amen, God has plan for all of us. Prayer & faith could help us pass this trial. Without Him I will never be able to survive even one minute in plan A.