I don't know where to turn, but I really need some help, some advice, some...something.<P>My original story is posted in General Questions II under the topic title "What to do? Probably not a big deal, but"<BR>To make a long story short, I found out my husband was placing and answering online personal ads. I found out, confronted him, and he swore that he'd never do it again and that it was all just for fun.<P>On to my continued story. Last week, I discovered (in a very crappy way--by snooping) that he has registered for an instant messenger account. Since he's got email both at home and at work, why on earth would he need a separate IM account?? Also, I noticed that since we've been married we've been getting an inordinate amount of junk mail that is pornographic in nature. When it started, I chalked it up to the fact that we had a different internet service provider. Now, I'm not so sure. I found out (also by snooping) that he doesn't just automatically delete these messages, sometimes he follows the links. The messages then show up as being read and the link has clearly been visited.<P>Add this to all my other trust issues: for the past week or so, I've felt him growing more and more distant. Where we used to talk all the time, we're now silent more often than we talk. It's almost tangible, this feeling that he'd rather be at any one of a dozen places rather than with me. We've been through the Emotional Needs questions, and they seem pretty compatible. We both want the same things out of our marriage (unless he's just saying what he thinks I want to hear) Keystroke monitoring software on the computer isn't an option, because we're really watching our money (just bought a house--how much of a laugh is that?). Anyway, I really have a need to know the absolute truth, but I don't want to seem paranoid by bringing this all out into the open again. The last time we talked about it, I told him that I would find a way to trust him and that I wouldn't ask again.<P>Now I want to--no, NEED to, ask. He may not have been to any of the original sites again, but there are 100s of online personals sites out there. How can I possibly know he hasn't been frequenting some other while at work? Or that he hasn't been chatting it up with one of the women he met during his original "game?"<P>I'm utterly confused and don't know where to turn. He's got a quick temper and gets very defensive and hotheaded very easily, so anything I say could have the effect of just driving him away. I really need some support, encouragement, a glass of cold water in the face, I don't know. All I know is that I'm absolutely miserable in the situation the way it is now--I don't sleep at night because my mind races around and around. I hardly get any work done because I'm thinking about how my marriage feels like it's collapsing.
