I just got off the phone w/ my H (WS). I had talked to him earlier and we had decided to go out to dinner, with our 4 yr old son. Well he call me from the office and we start talking about where to go and nothing sounds good to him. Even when I agree to a place he suggested he then decides it will be to crowded, or if I suggest a place he does'nt like the food. AAAAAAAGH!!!! So of course I say something like, how come so many other people manage to just go out at night. And he just says Oh lets just forget about it. And I say fine and hang up the phone. Of course I'm sure he is really not happy about coming home now. I am not doing a very good job at Plan A this week. We had a big old "conversation" last night about feelings and I know I said some LB things. I am just so mad and so scared that I am having trouble getting it all under control. And today I felt pretty good. We were going to have a nice family dinner out and enjoy being together but now...ick! And he see's her every day at the office, even though he swears nothing will happen, that he can't stand risking his job and reputation...blah blah blah blah. Didn't bother him before. (i know, very negative)<P>Well I guess I had to blow off steam. <P>needing

Needing,<BR>I'm starting to realize that you haven't done anything that most of us have done already. It seems that as soon as you have it together and things are going your way, BOOM! an explosion of emotions comes and you feel as though you are set back by a month!<P>I'm one step away from getting a lawyer here, but it sounds like your H is at least talking to you. It may sound grim, but he somehow needs to understand that contact with OW MUST end.<P>Being the impatient type here, I can attest to you that the LBing that you are doing is natural.<P>Keep the chin up! I'll be here.<P>Pops

Pops,<P>Thanks for the reply, but I dont really understand the first sentence. As for the contact w/ OW, take a look at my other post under "found out 2 days ago". Beleive me, I want it to stop.<P>Yeah, my emotions are incredibly raw. You see I have only know since 10-1-01. 12 days.<BR>Thank you for your care. I am trying, I am just very tired today.<P>needing

Needing,<BR>I'm sorry to have confused you, but what I meant was its pretty hard to Plan A without LBing. Things being "hard" is just the nature of the business. If it were easy, there'd be no challenge.<P>I've read your other posts, and understand the situation that your H is in with OW. But it still has to be said that all options to stop all contact should be looked at in detail. I've been in the same kind of situation once where I turned down a date with a married woman, and was accused of sexual harrassment the following week! Management investigated and the results were that it takes two to tango. I never told anyone about her proposition before now, even during the investigation, but I guess I felt that it might mean something in your situation. False allegations can easily be disproven. But if they are not false, perhaps its time for him to face the music.<P>Just some more rambled thoughts for ya....sorry about the confusion.<P>Pops

I dont think my H pushed her into an A, I am pretty sure it was very mutual.<P>I am just to tired to do this right now. I am going into avaoidance. I am going to spend the day with our son and then hibernate. My head is not in this at the moment. Thanks for all the support.<P>needing

Needing,<P>I'm not sure if I can offer any good advice but I thought I might try. After W told me about the A, she avoided me at all costs also. I was hurt and confused, thought that she didn't love anymore and was trying to get out of the M. Turns out that she wasn't avoiding me personally, just that everytime she saw me it reminded her of what she had done and the decisions she had to face. <P>The OW works with your H, I'm sure that is an extremely difficult situation for him to be in. If he says nothing is going on, its up to you to look deep inside yourself to see if you believe him. I didn't believe W when she said the physical part only happened once, but I started to look back on our time together and realized it to be true.<P>Have you thought about going to a doctor and looking into some medication? I did, they gave me some mild antidepressants and it has worked wonders for me. Before I was completely out of my mind and not thinking clearly, now I can focus on what needs to be done. Also, if he needs room, try and give it to him, don't push. I know that is hard, and I cant say I have been good about it myself, but it seems to work really good for us.<P>I have realized that I can not be a spouse right now, only a best friend. If I listen and talk about the A only when W brings it up (as a friend), we get a lot more out of it. I also try and give a comfortable environment at home, keep the place picked up, kids away and what not. W wants to be home with everyone, but she doesn't want everyone to see the turmoil she is in, you would be surprised at how hard it is to keep it from being noticed, by both of us.<P>Good luck to you, don't take what H does personally, he's just trying to work things out himself. Be strong, stand firm and show him that you are the pillar of strength he can come to for comfort. Don't push the subject and try not to make him feel bad about what has happened, he probably feels it already. I realized that my Plan A didn't involve anything except my silence and understanding. Be his friend above all else, right now I think that is what he is looking for.

LHS<P>Your words do help. I want desperatly to believe him but find it so difficult. And I DO NOT trust her. After reading the e-mails she sent my H, and knowing that her M has problems, I can not believe she does not have feelings for my H. He is a succesfull, good looking, caring and intelligent man. All of which makes it so hard to believe he could do this to me.<P>I have thought about getting some kind medication and plan on seeking counseling this coming week. Even if he is'nt ready for couples counseling, I need to talk to someone.<P>I realise that I am "lucky" in the fact that my husband is still at home and we can talk and we are civil to each other, but I also know that it does'nt take much more than a pin [censored] at the surface of our calm to release a torrent of emotion.<P>Thanks for the support, I really do need it right now. My normal support group (family, parents) don't know and can never know.<P>Needing