I have posted before with regards to my problems. My wife seems so distant and not responsive to me at all. 6 months ago she said that she did not love me anymore and I have been waiting for her to make a decision as to what she wants out of life. She does not know what she wants even after 6 months of her own individual councelling. We are starting couple councelling very soon. I have been left out of everything for 6 months. She will not even hold my hand. She said that she has been unhappy for a long time. What a shock to me!! She has kept all of this as such a secret and has bottled up a lot of resentment towards me. She now feels so overwhelmed by it all that she sees that there is no hope. I told her that it is to easy to give up and that we have a lot of work ahead of us. Resentment is a hard issue for me especially when I did not know she was resenting me. She feels no emotional connection towards me and she has admitted to treating me badly to force me away. She said that it is a payback to make me feel this way. I am trying to find ways to hang on and it is very difficult. When she said that she did not love me 6 months ago, she expected me to leave. I stayed and told her that I do love her very much and that I am not going anywhere. She is the one that has the problems with lack of love or feeling towards me. She is trying to push me away and she said that when she gets me upset that it makes her feel good. Resentment can stop a lot of feelings and she asked me how to get rid of it. I said that communication is the only way to release the anger that she is feeling. I wish she could of said something earlier to avoid all of this now instead of putting up a good face. She was worried that I would kick her out if she rocked the boat. I think now that the kids are older and she feels a lot more independant that she wants to let go of all that we have been building for 12 years. I have asked her not to give up but this will have to be her decision. I have been by her side for 6 months trying to work on this and it has been a living hell for me.I also said to her that it is to easy to give up! we have to work on this. She wants me to leave temporarily to give her more space. I said that she has all the space that she wants and that I can not leave. I don't believe in separation because problems and issues will never be discussed or worked out. It feels good to vent. If anyone has any good coping ideas I would like to here them.<BR>Thank you.<BR>Slopoke.

slopoke,<BR>I had similar problem where my W pushed me and pushed me out from the sex too. I gave her space for almost one year ... guess what, I found out that there is A about a month ago that has been at best 1.5 years long and at worst 5 years long. She said that she did not love me no more and watned to be freind only ... to lets get divorce/separated and see if faith keep us together ... blah blah blah.<BR>Watch out for EA or PA!. Get help right away from MB !!. If she refuse conseling then call for appt. for your self. Get plan A in place. Meanwhile do not ever mention it to her but keep a journal of her time/where about, specially when she made excuses. Track down on phone# that she call most often. Hope there is no OM.<BR>What happen is that when a W says just to be freind it really means that at best she is shopping around or at worst she has A. When she says she wants a Divorce it really means that at best she see no change on you and gave up on you and at worst she has an affair and she is hooked on it. Get Steve or Jannifer first thing Monday morning. Plan A will show her that you are a changed man.<P>Best of luck<BR>Hadi

I have been trying plan A. I am trying to do all the things that it says to do on the MB topics. Nothing works and she said that all the things that I do just bounce off of her..<BR>I need some advise on plan A to see if I am on the right track or not.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by slopoke:<BR><STRONG>I need some advise on plan A to see if I am on the right track or not.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>When I found out about the A, I call Steve and get his time. A lot of reading and understanding about MB is required, anyway Steve or Jennifer will ask you to get educated. It save money and easier to work with them if you know the lingo. I am on my fourth time w/ Steve and up to now I did all the right thing but WS still in the fog. I had been warned that I might have to do plan B. This forum is for support but nothing beat pro. advice or help if you could afford it.<P>Anyway when WS pushes u, there are some explanations. Your plan A is not working, i.e., she didn't see you are as a changed man (at best). Your W has an affair and she is addicted to it. (at worst as in my case).<P>If you don't mind could could you describe your plan A in detail and specific incident that make you beleive that she is still in the fog. How long have you working on this ?. U are welcome to email me directly if you are not comfortable w/ public forum<P>Hadi

Slowpoke,<P><BR> When a spouse uses any of the 3 phrases "give me some space", "I need space" and "I need time away from you" in conjunction with non-communication and resentment are strong indicators of an affair. If we run those phrases through the magical MB reality translator, we would hear something to the effect of "I have no chance of spending more time with the OP without you catching on unless you back off". <P> Run a search on the site for "affair warning signs" and see how many fit. Now is not a good time to accuse her or ask about an OP. Chill out, Plan-A and look for some kind of evidence. Without this you really don&#8217;t know what the true story is, only that she is unlikely to tell you without proof for some time. <P> I should also mention that affairs come in many shapes and sizes. She might be having an EA that the OP is mostly unaware of, kinda a junior high school crush thing, so tread very lightly.<P>Best of luck,<BR>HI