I just back from a trip to see my daughter and looked in the history of my computer and my husband has been looking at porn. I don't know whether to confront him or wait and see if it happens again.<BR> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Curle,<BR>I might be speaking out of turn here, but I really think that honesty and trustworthiness are pretty important to every marriage. If he is hiding it from you, then he is probably worried that you would be upset if you found out.<P>If you confront him (which is what I suggest you do), don't be judgemental or critical about it. If what he is doing hurts you (which I suspect it does), don't be too light-hearted about it either. Let him know that it hurts you and why.<P>Maybe my reply will spark others to reply also.<P>Pops

curlelocks,<P>Have you discussed the issue of porn use with your husband before? It seems in your post that this bothers you. You will find that among marriagebuilders in general here there are men and women who think that porn use is okay in a marriage and some who do not. I am one of those marriagebuilders who does not and I have been struggling with my husband's use of porn for many years in my marriage. He knows it bothers me but he keeps using it. <P>I have yelled, cried and rationally discussed the problem with him until I am blue in the face. I have come to the conclusion that he's going to keep using it until he getrs so professional help for the problem. I think he is a sexual addict.<P>I started by looking in the internet history and the computer guts for clues to what he was doing. The history and computer guts searches were not giving me enough information so I installed some PC recording software. I had to have physical proof in my hand when I confronted him to get him to stop the denying and actually talk about the problem. <P>I thought he was chatting and viewing porn but I actually was able to find out what he was doing with the software. He had e-mail accounts I knew nothing about. He was engaged in phone sex and was using those pre-paid phone cards to hide that from me. He was viewing webcams of women masturbating in real time and he could interact with them in rea time via chat or with our microphone on our PC. I was very angry and now, 6 months later, I am very frustrated with him. He really needs some professional help but won't get it.<P>I have a website that addresses the issue of online infidelity. The URL is <A HREF="http://www.bustedyouonline.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.bustedyouonline.com</A> There is also an e-mail discussion group at YAHOO called online infidelity that is linked at that site.<P>My advice, as a BS, would be get some type of PC recording software, There are many available and many of us with cybercheating spouses have used them in confronting our spouses. I personally have used Spector and eBlaster. Some other programs that marriage builders here have used are IOPUS and KeyLogger.<P>I felt I needed to know the extent of his cheating and porn use in order to portect myself and in order to know just how addicted he realy was because I could not depend on him to tell me the truth. I would ask him about it and he would just deny the problem and act as if I was the crazy one. It wasn't until I got the software and recorded what he was doing that I had physical proof of what he was doing and confronted him that we could start working on the problem. We have made progress but it is going to be a long and difficlut road for us. Good luck.<P>Bluebird