I found out about a year ago about my husbands affair and then he told me it was over. Well, it Isn't. I know this<BR> woman and called her. She said my husband has been promising her this past year he was<BR> leaving me. But, I had hurt my leg, had surgery, and now I have broken my arm so he told<BR> her I was helpless and couldn't leave.<BR> I'm not helpless. But why didn't he leave in between the times I was hurt. He didn't want<BR> to really leave? He told me that his affair had gotten out of hand, but he didn't break it off<BR> because he didn't want to hurt her. They have known each other all of their lives.<BR> He is 50 and she is 47. When I found out the affair was still going on I told him to just<BR> leave several times and then he would cry and say he didn't try to hurt me and I'd forget<BR> about it for a few days and he would stay. Sunday I blew up in a rage because he promised<BR> me he would tell her it was over, but didn't.I did everything wrong screaming and yelling<BR> and he said nothing.The next morning he just left and went straight to her. He called me<BR> yesterday and said not to worry he is fine and everything is going to be ok. He just needed<BR> 3 or 4 days to sort things out and he will call me tomorrow. That's today. Of course, he is<BR> fine he is with her and how is he going to sort anything out while he is with her. I have<BR> been nuts. I went to the doctor this morning and he gave me something to get some sleep<BR> and I can't eat.I know I'm crazy, but I want him back. I don't know what to say if he calls, I<BR> don't know if I want to talk to him right now. We have only been married 14 months. This<BR> affair started right after we were married. Steve is very good looking and had plenty of<BR> women. Married twice. He promised me we would be together forever, no more women, he<BR> was getting just to old for it.<BR> I believed him. Steve also is not well. The doctors gave him a year to live, but he has<BR> passed that. We have been together four years. The first year was hell with all the<BR> kemotherapy and he is in remition.He is an alcoholic and has severe liver disease.Right<BR> now I'm so tired of no sleep or food, but I need help. I know your going to say he's a loser<BR> and leave him alone. I think so too!<BR> But, he wasn't always like this and I love him so much.Please advise.

It sounds like your H has been in many A's prior to your relationship. It also sounds like you have been there for him in his times of need. <BR>I think the important thing to do (this is hard) is to NOT LB when he calls, remain as calm as possible and let him know that his home is a "safe" place to be. It is important that he stop all contact with OW if he truly loves you and wants your marriage to work and he has to see that. You also cannot blow up in a rage when you two discuss this - he'll open up more and more to you if he knows he has your support. Granted, he needs to understand how much this betrayal hurts you.<BR>A great book it "After the Affair" by Janis A. Spring - both of you should read it.<P> <P>Can anyone else offer more advice??

Thank you for your advise, buy I'm feeling more desperate now. I cried all night long. I haven't anyone to talk to. The pills the doctor gave didn't seem to do any good. I ended up having to take 3 to finally get 3 hours of sleep this morning. Husband hasn't called like he said he would. I'm sure she is making her home a safe haven for him now.I'm sure I'm feeling sorry for myself since I'm out of work with my broken arm. I can't put my own contacts in or even do anything with my hair because my arm is in a cast I can't reach my head. If I could at least do something with myself and at least get out of this house. I feel like a total mess.<P>Will someone else please help me. I feel like I'm really not going to make it through this. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Try posting on the GQII forum - there's more traffic there and you will get more responses.