Yup!<P>My wife and an "Old Flame" Caught red handed ( well nearly..) She says they hadn't done the wild thing...just kissed. ( like it makes a difference!)<P>She thought about it on the day of discovery and came back saying "I love you more than anything...and I made a HUGE mistake, I'll never do it again"<P>Can I believe her?<P>( By the way.... Sex since then as been GREAT!!! Isn't that wierd???????)

I think you should be a little guarded now...she'll need to prove a lot to you. The first thing to do is to write up a letter of no contact and send it to the "old flame." She should have no contact with him ever again. That is a most important step to recovering the trust. It really helped in my case. It is very hard to trust again but it just takes a lot of time and hard work. It hasn't completely happened for me yet, but I believe it will. Try to take what your wife is saying at face value. If she really wanted to be with someone else...really loved another person, nothing could keep her away from him...and she is with you. You and not him. That is something. I would try to believe her.

WJ,<P>I don't know your story, but I see a red flag or two.<P>Firstly, she is not going to tell you the whole truth about that encounter....sorry, but that's been shown here over and over again.<P>Second...the sex has been great. What was it like before discovery? Had it changed in quality or quantity before that day? What was the climate of the relationship before discovery? Did you suspect anything, or was this out of the blue? <P>These are important questions which may assist you in discovering what exactly is going on...but do not ask her. If something is going on, she will lie, and anyway it is a huge LB to put her on the spot like that. If she has an OM, she will turn the tables on you, making you out to be the bad guy, because you don't believe her...too much stress.<P>It is important to address these questions on your own because the answers may assist you in what to do next...<P>Have you read all you can on this site about Plan A, Emotional Needs, Love Busters and the Love Bank? These are all great tools for helping you regain your marriage. She has said she will never do it again, and right now, I would suggest you believe that, but Plan A your butt off. Find out her emotional needs and meet them...you know what she doesn't like, don't do it...be the best you that you can be. It is hard work, but at the very least, you have a potential WS here, and you need to stop her in her tracks, and focus on you again.<P>Love and light,<P>Jacky

I agree with Nina very much. You need to be extremely careful. She is correct that the WS will never tell you the truth when caught. It is logical since they were previously lying and cheating to you when they were with the OM so why tell the truth when confronted.<BR>In addition, many times the sex will be great for a period after being caught because it will throw the betrayed spouse off the track and allow the affair to continue because the<BR>betrayed spouse has no reason to suspect anything.<BR>The suggestion of a no contact letter is very important. I am just saying you need to be on guard because many times the WS will become more careful in the future. I wish you luck.