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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 260
W
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 260
You guys find a little scotch to go with that water?<p>
Just kidding. Checking in to see how everybody did today. I thought I'd give an update on my situation. I moved out on Monday. I gave up the fight for the M about a week ago. I'm not completely out of hope but I'm going to take care of me for awhile. I kinda feel bad about saying this but feels good to sleep again. W is confusing me. She sure wanted to fight yesterday, I wouldn't say I LB'd but we did argue. When I went by to see kids today I gave her a hug and she gave me a little gift. First time for that in a long time. Times like these I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing. I need to keep my distance right now so I'm going to stick it out on my own for awhile.<p>who

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 87
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 87
I broke down and cracked a beer...then another...and another...etc...<p>I wish I could just up and leave like that...but I can't bring myself to separate yet. I figured out today that I really do love her. I just have to find it in my heart that I truly want to be with her. Once I do that, I think I might be able to pack my stuff and get out of Dodge. I don't know?<p>Anyway, your drinking buddies....at least one of them is here for you...I think you'll do great on your own...try to enjoy life for a little while.<p>Pops

Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 669
R
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Posts: 669
Who,
Moving out is tough, it took me a week to finally come to terms with it. But, I think it is the best thing either one of us could do right now. It gives us a chance to reflect on ourselves individually without the other constantly being there to remind us of what we did wrong. Tke Pops advice, do something for yourself. I like to stop by a lake after work, look at the geese and ducks, and just walk around, not thinking about anything. There is something peaceful about that for me.<p>Since I moved out, I have noticed that W is saying a lot more things to me over the phone that give me hope. Last night we went to a party at some friends and actually talked together like nothing was wrong. I cut out early to avoid staying too late having to stay at home. W called me later on (at 1:30 am) and told me how alone she felt, how much she loved me and didn't like us being apart. Those little things are what convince me that its going to be ok. Maybe that gift W gave you is one of those little signs.<p>Pops,
Your still hanging in there and that's a good thing. I know you were wondering if you still loved W, looks like you know the answer. Keep focusing on yourself right now and let W make the next move. Keep working out, its good for stress and how they love a buff body! I have found that if I leave W alone, she will make that move rather quickly. Its tough to not want to love W and show her how much you do, but we got to remember that we failed to meet their EN's before so maybe they are a little suspicious of what we are doing too, thinking this is just a passing thing. Its hard to not want to be a husband during these times, thats what we are supposed to do, right?<p>One thing I thought I would share with y'all. W told me the other day that she doesn't know anymore if she truly loved this guy or if it was just some kind of infatuation thing. W told me on DDay that this guy was her 'soulmate' and he touched every part of her being (made me feel real good!) I have read other posts here that say the same thing, that an A can be compared to a kid getting a new toy. Someone else mentioned that all they were trying to do was feel young, sexy and free again and that the A became a part of that because the OM/OW played along with it. W also mentioned that she appreciates all the little things I do for her and the kids, but that I have to do things for myself also. After reading my "Need Advice" post from Wednesday, I wonder if W really was abducted by aliens and had her brains sucked out? Looks like I'm on the uphill side of the roller coaster again.<p>Its kinda funny if you look at all the similarities that we have. I reread some of these posts and am convinced that there is some kind of 'life cycle' that we and are wandering spouses are going through. At some point, we have all said the same things, had the same problems, asked the same questions and given the same advice. And here I thought I was someone special! LOL

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 87
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Posts: 87
LHS,
I have to agree with you on the comparison thing. I couldn't believe it when W told me that she still loves me but isn't "In Love" with me. When I read that in several posts and a couple of books I've read, I was astonished. There is something that binds all relationships together; some sort of glue that everyone of us have in common, and I've yet to figure out what it is. I suppose that might be the meaning of life or something really deep like that. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I went out last night and drove forever. I had the music up full blast and had fun with my new engine on the highway. It was relaxing. I went for another drive today and it was just as relaxing, even though I was doing chores.<p>I have been thinking about why I'm doing all of this. After reviewing my life and marriage, I've realized that I was never really as happy as I could have been. Looking back, I realize that sometimes I was intentionally not meeting her needs because she failed to meet mine. It seems like it was a contest to see who could hurt the other more. She won. <p>I can't help but wonder if we would slip back into that hurting game if and when things between us get better. Like I've heard so many times before, its a tough thing to review your life and actually figure things out. Maybe I'm on the wrong path here.<p>I guess I'm on the down side of the coaster ride right now, just waiting for the uphill climb.<p>Pops


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