My wife just told be about her infidelity about a half hour ago. Needless to say, my brain is buzzing with all sorts of emotions. The one constant thought that lingers is that I do love her. I have been supecting this for a while, so it doesn't come as a complete suprise, but still shocking. She has informed me that it is over (he lives about 4hrs away). I don't want our marriage to end. We've been working on problems for about three months and things have gotten so much better. How do we move on? How do we get past this?

Burns,
Even though it sounds like you have visited here before, I suggest that you read up on all the material here and get aquainted with some of the things that all A's have in common.<p>The honesty thing is giant step. Be thankful that you have found out the way that you did, even though I'm sure that it was a great blow to your emotions anyway.<p>Have a look at some of the posts from LoveHerStill, Whothehellisshe and myself to get an understanding as to what is to come. The emotional roller coaster ride you are about to experience can't be explained - you have to live it, and you will.<p>Stick to your guns, and start on Plan A. It's going to get harder before it gets better, and some of us are still waiting for it to get better.<p>Also, come here often to read up and, especially vent your frustrations with the rest of us here.<p>Good luck on you journey.<p>Pops

Thanks for the encouraging words. Reading over plan A, I think we've already started. She has vowed not to contact him anymore. He lives 4hrs away, so it's not like they could bump into each other (just a bad plan on words). I feel confident about resolving this conflict between us and the causes. My biggest worry is getting myself past the deed.<p>Thanks again.

burns,<p>Welcome to the party! Yea, some party huh? I know you're hurt bad and you're going to get mad. That love you feel for your W is real but it's kinda like a shot of adreniline (sp?). It's getting you past the shock for right now. Yes, you have a right to get mad but it's not going to help your M if you direct it at your W. Do your best to keep yourself under control - vent here or in a journal but don't vent at your W. She is probably real emotional right now also. As much as it hurts you, she just lost somebody she loved - OUCH!! Heck, you might not even have that anger problem unlike some of us here. Get to counseling for yourself. If W wants to join you that's great but some solo sessions will do you a lot of good. <p>who<p>BTW, How long has she been in the A and when was the last contact (phone calls, email, letters, etc.)?

How fortunate you found this place so quickly.<p>It is a good thing first of all, that your W confessed her A and that you did not discover it.<p>It is a rough, rocky road to recovery, with your emotions running at all time highs and lows. Definitely read Surviving an Affair and another one I highly recommend you get asap is "After the Affair" by Janis Abram Spring. BOTH of you read these books.<p>Come here to vent your anger and seek advice.

Burns,
A hearty welcome to you from all of us here at the Heartbreak Hotel. Check your hat and coat, you'll be staying for a while. Get ready for the craziest time of your life. Read everything you can on the subject (look at WATS guidelines). Look at the posts and try to get an understanding of what us poor SOB's have gone through so you can get an idea of what is to come. But remember, nothing will completely prepare you for the roller coaster you are now on. You've just left the station and have begun that long climb up the first hill, remember how thrilling/exciting/scary that was the first time you were on it?<p>After reading your post, I think you two have a big advantage over the rest of us. You two are already in counseling trying to work things out. I suspect that is what made W confess to the A., she knew that was a big obstacle standing in the way. The fact that she told you first instead of finding out another way is another plus for you. It means she knows what she did was wrong and wants to work it out with you. To many of us BS's have a spouse who thought they could just let it slide without us finding out. You love her and want the M to work out, remember that during your down times so you don't lose hope.<p>Who is right about the anger management and individual counseling. You need to do that in order to work out how you feel right now. Neither one of you can help the other with this right now. Work on yourself right now and remember to always look up the triangle (like I ALWAYS do, LOL)<p>Forgive, Repent, Reconcile

Burns,<p>
How you doing today? The day after was one of my toughest. Thinking about ya!<p>
who

whothehell, The last physical contact she had with him was about two months ago (the A started four months ago). That is when she ended it. He as called and they emailed since, but he was threatening her with telling me. She has since stopped emailing (I believe she has I have no real proof of this) and his calls has stopped. But I know he will call again.