My H's affair lasted three months with a "friend" of mine. She actively went after him and I guess I was Naive to the situation b/c I trusted my H as he always said "the five minutes isn't worth it". My daughter was friends with her daughter and so there was lots of opportunity some of which I allowed to go further than I should have especially since we have a hot tub and I trusted him.<BR>Needless to say it has been a long five months for me personally. <BR>With the discovery in may my H was beat up and had his tires slashed by the O/W's H. I had some sense of a problem and had called him. Whereupon, he went looking and found.<BR> Now the problem is for me that they walked away from this seemingly scott free. She seems to have the friends at school and the social life( the daughters are classmates). <BR>I want her to get hers...will it ever happen?<BR>The holidays are here and I feel like giving all the wrong things.....Help!

naive--<P>Welcome. I'm sorry for the reason you're here, but glad you found us. This is a great place to vent, learn and share. Read the info. found at this site. <P>This is a time worthy of concentrating on your marriage, and working through feelings of hostility toward the OW toward forgiveness. I can understand how difficult this is, especially since your D and hers school contact make mom-contact a constant possibility. <P>Some questions...is your H's affair with her over?<P>You mentioned your D and OW's D "were" friends. What reason are they not now?<P>Could it be your knowledge of the affair is coloring your viewpoint of her popularity with school and community people, or even your own ability to be friends with them? I doubt she has told anyone the truth.<P>Her marriage obviously isn't the greatest--she had an affair. Maybe her "comeuppance" is already happening, in her own home, with a H who also knows of the affair. You may want to approach the school people in friendship, simply ignoring her and excluding her from any plans you wish to share with them.<P>Just some thoughts. Sending warm wishes of marital success your way. Keep trying! <P><P>------------------<BR>Laura<P>"I cannot care a little for you. I love you only just enough to love you all the way."~~Rod McKuen<P>

Naive,<P>As hard as it is, resist the urge to get even with the other woman, it really doesn't help anything. I spent many hours skeeming how I could get even and even tried some things and they all backfired and result in a lot of wasted effort. Put your energy in to dealing with you and helping yourself. Hurting someone else won't do that. Read as much as you can on affairs and why they happen. Try to implement what you learn. Good luck and much patience.

I agree with lucks. Her husband sounds like some sort of nut. I'd worry in fact that he's abusive in general. Not that I excuse her behavior, but she may have had to lie and tell him that it was all your H's idea in order to keep from being beat up herself. She's already in hell; you don't need to do a thing. Take the high road.

Hello Naive (I was naive too)....anyway, I know how you feel, you want the OW to suffer just like us, sometimes they will suffer because of their actions and sometimes they will walk away unhurt, like my H's OW did...believe me when I say that you are lucky the OW was married and her H made a big deal...this has helped your H get a clearer perspective on the situation...in my case...the affair may never be over because OW separated from her H two years ago (that's when they started the affair), she is almost divorced and with no kids...she has nothing to lose and all to gain by not letting go of my H...I hate her with all of my being...she put me through the fires of hell (and my teenage kids who hate her too)...my H says its over but I doubt anything he tells me...he has lied to me for over two years...and...people don't change...he will keep on lying to me...its up to me to accept him as he is or walk away...I decided not to walk away because my children...they are more important to me than he is and I need to give them stability...and...I am thinking about my life ahead...to do something for myself...like get my college degree and then become a schoolteacher...today I feel especially sad because I am thinking about the whole situation all over again...after I saw that movie with Will Smith (Enemy of the State)...his wife was jealous of a girl he went to law school with who he still met for work and lunch...she admitted she still loved him...he told her that the past was the past and that he now loved his wife and kid...touching...but so much like my situation....hang in there....remember that many times the OW or OM have nothing to lose by knowingly having an affair with a married person...my H told me not to try anything funny (like slapping her...or knocking her to the ground) because she would sue me (I think he told me this to try to scare me)...anyway...I do not trust him at all....<BR>

Resist the urge for revenge. It will only hurt you in the long run. In the scheme of things, OW will get hers (if she hasn't already). You may not be there to see it, but she will.

I'm going to go a bit off tangent...my H's OW began dating his housemate. The housemate is good-looking, divorced, one kid--they are perfect for each other. And he sweats rivers with the least little bit of physical exertion. Yes I've committed horrible mayhem upon her in my imagination and she deserves to go up in flames, but my knowing she's being sweated on helps a little. And of course, the housemate knows she's an OW...and before they began dating and he and I would speak of her, he had NO respect for her at all...<P>Oh, yeah, I think it will all come around. Many religions say so:<BR>You reap what you sow<BR>Karma<BR>Wiccan 3 fold return to you for evil committed<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>