Well, I finally broke down and found the way and the time to tell W exactly how I feel. But after reading WHO's post addressing LHS, I think it's already been addressed by you folks!<p>I told W last night that if she can't make any promises to me, then it should only be fair that I don't with her. I told her that I will be here for her and our daughter, but that's the only thing that I could promise. I told her that I don't want our M back, at least not the way it was or has been for the past 5 years or so. I also told her that I've heard about all of the success stories that I've read and that everyone who has one, says that their M is far better than it ever was before.<p>I gave her my plan of support, from now until the time I leave for six months, and possibly afterwards too. After careful thought and consideration, I understand that I want my family to be safe, both physically and financially, and I want to be there for them. When I think about it, I find that I still love her, but I am not "In love" with her. I want our M, but I don't want what it has become.<p>Anyway, my plan is to be there for her and our daughter until W is emotionally ready to either end it or work on it. After which, I will only be there for our daughter. I guess this is my plans for Plan B, now that I think of it.<p>Just hope that I didn't make a big mistake by telling her about it...but it sure lifted a world or two off my shoulders!<p>Pops

pops,<p>
How did she respond?<p>
Make sure you keep your word. That's YOUR boundries that were set.<p>
who

Pops,
What a tough decision to make. I know you have been hurting a long time about W's continued lack of commitment to the M. I pray that I don't have to do this, it must have been extremely difficult. I hope things work out for you. I'm curious too, how did she react?<p>What you said about other couples being succesful is true and its hard when we are sitting on the sidelines watching them, wondering why WS couldn't make that commitment. The email I found from OM's W to W had an ending line that I wish I could experience right now, it said, "…I believe this situation is going to be a gift for our marriage. We have never been as close and concerned for one another in a long time. Someday I might thank you." (hope they aren't looking at these forums, I'd be toast!). What a wonderful thing for them. I sometimes wonder if it works different when it's the H or W having the A.<p>Putting that distance between you and W must be a big relief. I know just by me moving out and limiting my contact with W helps a lot, keeps me focused on myself. Like Who says, stick to your plan for yourself more than anything. Its time for W to make the next big move, just be ready for whatever that is.<p>Stay strong Pops, you made an important step towards your recovery.

Well, I have to admit that her reaction wasn't what I thought it would be, but we talked about our thoughts afterwards. She told me that she felt a great weight lifted from her just as I did. She said that she thinks that this way of thinking will make her feel better about coming home and to be able to talk more freely. I honestly thought that she would be highly upset and we would get into a large arguement. I don't know if she is relieved that there's a chance that we might end up calling it quits or that I've confirmed my support for her and agree to give her space.<p>I haven't gotten any results from her yet, but I'm staying hopeful.<p>I'll stick to my plans, mostly because my job will take me away for six months and what better time to start Plan B.<p>I can't say that I feel bad about telling her the way it is, I'm just wondering if I have done the right thing or not. It's been a long time since we were able to talk, and she seemed to open up to me a lot last night when I brought up the subject.<p>LHS
I've taken your advice about not snooping. I figured the less I know about who she's saying what to, the easier it would be for me to stick to my plan.<p>Pops

Hey sorry to but in, maybe you guys could help ifionlynew he has a thread that sounds like the triangle thingy would be good for.
(quietly backing out of your thread)