Here is my weekend update so bear with me,<p>Weekend went well. Actually got to spend time with W and it was almost like the 'old days'. We made fun of each other like we used to do, felt good to be able to laugh with her again. But, we did have a little 'discussion' about living arrangements and what the immediate future holds for us. It didn't get nasty like it has in the past which was great, just seemed like the frustration on both of our ends showed through again. W said something like "We always fight when we are together" and I responded with "We fight only when we talk about the A and the consequences it has brought" I think W agreed with that one because the 'discussion' quickly ended after that and we went back to how we were before.<p>A couple of things W said did sent me off, but I managed to keep myself calm, for my sake mainly. One thing she said was that she wanted to 'take a break from all' of this. I understand how difficult this is and forgetting about it may help, but for how long? I told her that I was more than ready to talk and wanted to begin working on us now. She only responded with the "I need more time' answer, so I let it go. How can we forget about what has happened, its there everyday as a reminder.<p>I also told her that I felt like I didn't have any say in what is going on, that it is all her decision and I have to sit by and wait. W said that I do have a choice, stay or go, which I have to agree with. I told her that she already knows what my 'choice' is. That's another one that gets me, here I have to make this decision only because of bad choices she made, doesn't seem fair. The problems we had before could have been resolved much easier if the A hadn't happened.<p>I just want both of us to get everything in the open, to be able to talk honestly about how we feel and to resolve all the problems that we have had in the past so we can start anew and have a marriage that others would be jealous of. I was at the park yesterday and saw couples with kids holding hands and acting like they were in love and I thought to myself "Will we ever have that again" Go figure, a guy who wants to communicate, be open, honest and intimate with his wife, exactly what W wanted all along. <p>That's my vent for now, thanks for listening.

Just another quick update,<p>Talked to W and apparently she is getting a lot of heat form mom and sisters to resolve this situation, they want it over right now. They have told her that she is making a bad situation worse by this constantly waffling about her 'big decision' Right now I am staying at MIL's in a spare room, W basically told me to pack my stuff and come back home because she doesn't want mom to be involved with this anymore. I wonder if this is the only reason, I mean sometimes what she says contradicts what she does right now. I just told her that relatives are the worst advice givers and that the only people who should be offering support are the ones who have been through this (like me). I really wanted to tell her that mom and sisters are right, but I refrained because that would be a big LB.<p>So I am going home, albiet to sleep on the couch for now, but hey, at least I am with the family again, I know the kids will be very happy to have daddy home. W told me that the bedroom is her place, even made a comment about how she wasn't trying to be a b**** or anything, just needs a place to be alone, that this is her boundary. I told her that I agree 100%. Its going to be hard knowing that the most beautiful woman in the world is only a few feet away and I can't do anything about it! So I will have to wait and see, it may even work out so I won't have to go find an apartment, which would be financially stressful to say the least. Definetly have to watch my mouth and how I act, could make some serious deposits in the love bank in the next few days.<p>The crazy roller coaster keeps on running. Funny how things keep changing, now it is outside forces pushing on W, at least I can't get blamed for that. And here I spent the whole day calling apartment places, and now ?

lhs,<p>
Warning: blind loop ahead on the rollercoaster!!<p>
Be ready for anything right now but most of all keep looking up. That beautiful woman a few feet away can distract you. Not trying to say this is a bad development (might be really good), just a tricky one.<p>
This only reason this is even possible is because you've done so well. Keep it up.<p>
who

Well, I actually went home last night and it was truly a wonderful time for me. I was expecting W to be asleep when I got home (I worked late), but there she was asking me if I wanted to talk for a while. So we did, until the wee hours of the morning and it was great. We talked about all sorts of things, the A, trust, our future, the kids, our feelings, our 13 years of M, everything we have accomplished. Not once did either one of us get upset at the other, we were open and honest to each other.<p>W did keep telling me that she still wasn't sure what she wants to do, not promises, no commitments. I just kept my cool and realize now that she is still in the fog, not because the A is continuing, but because she doesn't understand what happened and why she let it happen, it is going to take time for her to figure that one out, but time is what I have. W mentioned that even her BF is getting tired of hearing her talk about the A and the consequences it brought. She is feeling pressured by everyone telling her she needs to get things together, I just told her to ignore them (althought I agree with them) and to make the decision when she feels ready too.<p>I even threw in some MB concepts and the things I have read from some of you. I think she picked up on the fantasy of the A, the no contact, radical honesty, policy of joint agreement and the fog ideas. Someday I will have to tell her about this great place.<p>Who, your right about being cautious, and I am, but I really saw last night as a progressive step. I am not going to get all excited about it though, like I was last week, but I am going to enjoy the time we had. I know that I am going to have some more rough times ahead and I'll be ready for them. I think last night was a big test for my patience, compassion and understanding. Heck, that was the best time I ever had sleeping on the couch, and I have done a lot of that.

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
who

Thanks Who.<p>I was going to mention that the whole time W and I were talking I felt like you were all there, like Jiminy Cricket sitting on Pinnochios shoulder telling him what to do. I kept hearing you all tell me to keep my cool, don't LB, listen to what she is really saying, take it slow and easy, don't push anything on her, don't be a bonehead (that was me sitting there), apply the MB concepts, it was really something. I called W this morning and thanked her for last night, she said she hopes we can have more of them. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood!